Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 275

UncaDollas · 08-28-2011, 04:02 AM

GunMaster357 · 08-28-2011, 07:52 AM

"Oh shit!" Smart guy got it in one...

Well, shit happens.

TheMercenary · 09-02-2011, 11:47 AM

Baptizing an Irishman

An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk,
when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,

hereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?"

The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time
holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about,
he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water,
catches his breath, and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

infinite monkey · 09-02-2011, 11:57 AM

Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.

Is it common?

It's not unusual.

infinite monkey · 09-02-2011, 11:57 AM

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have
a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".

BigV · 09-02-2011, 12:28 PM

*guffaw*

Gravdigr · 09-02-2011, 06:05 PM

I cackled at Tom Jones Syndrome!

Momdigr will love this one, she is/was a Tom Jones nut.

TheMercenary · 09-02-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.

Is it common?

It's not unusual.

Gravdigr · 09-04-2011, 03:16 PM

That was, uh...something.

GunMaster357 · 09-05-2011, 09:47 AM

The Boss to a lady aspirant to the post of a Secretary:

Boss: "What is the difference between a paper clip and a screw?"

Lady: "I do not know. I have never been paper clipped"

footfootfoot · 09-05-2011, 11:30 AM

Harass is not two words

GunMaster357 · 09-05-2011, 11:50 AM

DanaC · 09-05-2011, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Harass is not two words

*chuckles*

I like that one.

classicman · 09-05-2011, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Harass is not two words

but Her ass is.

footfootfoot · 09-06-2011, 08:47 AM

and then I laughed

08-28-2011, 07:52 AM	#4112
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	"Oh shit!" Smart guy got it in one... Well, shit happens. __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-02-2011, 11:47 AM	#4113
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Baptizing an Irishman An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!" The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?" The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!" By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

09-02-2011, 12:28 PM	#4116
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	guffaw __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

09-02-2011, 06:05 PM	#4117
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I cackled at Tom Jones Syndrome! Momdigr will love this one, she is/was a Tom Jones nut. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

09-04-2011, 03:16 PM	#4119
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	That was, uh...something. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-28-2011, 04:02 AM	#4111
UncaDollas Banned Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 72

09-02-2011, 11:57 AM	#4114
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common? It's not unusual.

09-02-2011, 11:57 AM	#4115
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".

09-05-2011, 09:47 AM	#4120
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	The Boss to a lady aspirant to the post of a Secretary: Boss: "What is the difference between a paper clip and a screw?" Lady: "I do not know. I have never been paper clipped" __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-05-2011, 11:30 AM	#4121
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Harass is not two words __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-05-2011, 11:50 AM	#4122
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	__________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-06-2011, 08:47 AM	#4125
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	and then I laughed __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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