Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 283

Pete Zicato · 10-14-2011, 05:52 PM

A youse of Chicagoans.

DanaC · 10-14-2011, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

..

'Someone mucked up the storyline in my RP'

I laughed so hard.

sandypossum · 10-15-2011, 01:45 AM

OMG PONIES! I came back to see if anyone had anything to add and... WOOHOO! Had no idea we had created such a monster!

P.S. What's a zamboni of Canadians?

P.P.S. What's the collective noun for bankers? A wunch.

sandypossum · 10-15-2011, 01:55 AM

I hesitate to add more after your contributions, but I just thought of these:

a bounce of Czechs

a barge of Poles

an inquisition of Spanish

a flatpack of Swedes

Undertoad · 10-15-2011, 09:21 AM

zam-BO-ni (n.) - A machine used to resurface ice for skating.

footfootfoot · 10-15-2011, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandypossum

What's ice?

Lola Bunny · 10-15-2011, 01:23 PM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Lola Bunny · 10-15-2011, 01:24 PM

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the

greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Enjoy the following:

.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.

Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it

and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence

and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then

to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.

He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

,

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying

about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.

I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,

think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging

is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,

it was called witchcraft.

Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,

you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

Spexxvet · 10-18-2011, 11:50 AM

A haggis of dwellars
a mouthful of dwellars

a pod of priests
a mountain of Nepalese
a gag of bulemics
a vault of poles

infinite monkey · 10-18-2011, 11:54 AM

a gag of bulimics.

Gravdigr · 10-18-2011, 03:44 PM

a Stu of Discos

Gravdigr · 10-18-2011, 06:09 PM

A disco of Stus?

TheMercenary · 10-19-2011, 07:20 PM

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-...p-soapbox4.swf

BigV · 10-19-2011, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato

A rink of Ann Arborites.
A pool of Ann Arborites.

either is correct.

There's a seasonal distinction.

TheMercenary · 10-20-2011, 06:20 AM

Best Scottish Short Joke

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse
me Miss, dey ye hiv ahny books on suicide?'

She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and
says, 'Fook off, ye'll nae bring it back!'

10-14-2011, 05:52 PM	#4231
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	A youse of Chicagoans. __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

10-15-2011, 01:45 AM	#4233
sandypossum tri-continental dag hag Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 247	OMG PONIES! I came back to see if anyone had anything to add and... WOOHOO! Had no idea we had created such a monster! P.S. What's a zamboni of Canadians? P.P.S. What's the collective noun for bankers? A wunch. __________________ you're never too old to have a happy childhood

10-15-2011, 01:55 AM	#4234
sandypossum tri-continental dag hag Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 247	I hesitate to add more after your contributions, but I just thought of these: a bounce of Czechs a barge of Poles an inquisition of Spanish a flatpack of Swedes __________________ you're never too old to have a happy childhood

10-18-2011, 11:50 AM	#4239
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	A haggis of dwellars a mouthful of dwellars a pod of priests a mountain of Nepalese a gag of bulemics a vault of poles __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

10-18-2011, 03:44 PM	#4241
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	a Stu of Discos __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-15-2011, 09:21 AM	#4235
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	zam-BO-ni (n.) - A machine used to resurface ice for skating.

10-15-2011, 01:23 PM	#4237
Lola Bunny Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 2,728	An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

10-15-2011, 01:24 PM	#4238
Lola Bunny Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 2,728	Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Enjoy the following: . 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. , ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

10-18-2011, 11:54 AM	#4240
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	a gag of bulimics.

10-18-2011, 06:09 PM	#4242
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	A disco of Stus? __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-19-2011, 07:20 PM	#4243
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-...p-soapbox4.swf __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-20-2011, 06:20 AM	#4245
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Best Scottish Short Joke A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ahny books on suicide?' She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll nae bring it back!' __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

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