Thinking about it

Big Sarge · 08-23-2014, 03:01 PM

Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a beautiful woman, who is almost 21? Consider that she is initiating the relationship where the desired goal is children. So many things race through my mind. Should a person be concerned if he had prior relationships with some of her stepmother and grandmother, yet both seem very supportive of said relationship??

Should one follow the heart??

zippyt · 08-23-2014, 03:42 PM

do your own thing , buuuuut

Clodfobble · 08-23-2014, 05:27 PM

Sometimes I can't tell if you're joking or not, Sarge. But the rule is and always has been, "half your age, plus seven." So unless you're 26, that's a no.

sexobon · 08-23-2014, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Sarge

Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a beautiful woman, who is almost 21? Consider that she is initiating the relationship where the desired goal is children. ...

She wants you to adopt her?

orthodoc · 08-23-2014, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Sarge

Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a beautiful woman, who is almost 21?

Not unless you're between 18-26.

Big Sarge · 08-23-2014, 10:48 PM

Hmmm, so I can expect this won't be a blessed union by the folks here. ok. I seriously thought age didn't matter as long as the heart was true.

orthodoc · 08-23-2014, 11:08 PM

Sarge, please consider ... you've been down this road before. You have experience that has shown you that age does matter, despite the fact that your heart was true. You had a daughter with a beautiful young woman who was around the age of the woman you are currently involved with, and it's been difficult and painful for you to even have access to your child. Why would you want to repeat the experience? And what about the life (lives) of the child(ren) who will be caught in the middle?

The heart is important but not the only factor when other lives are involved.

Aliantha · 08-23-2014, 11:12 PM

I only think about all the trouble you have had due to the last relationship you had with a younger woman Sarge.

Why not keep to yourself, away from this woman completely for a month or so, and then see if you still feel the same.

Remember, you are pretty vulnerable emotionally at the moment. Don't mistake love for affection or vice versa. Could be that its a little more or less than what you think.

Most of all, just remember you have always been supported here. Dont take possibly wise counsel as an offence when it's not meant to be so. Xx

Gravdigr · 08-24-2014, 02:50 PM

♪ ♫...If you gotta crush♪ ♫
♪ ♫(Don't beat about the bush)♪ ♫
♪ ♫When I gotta crush♪ ♫
♪ ♫Run run away...♪ ♫

♪ ♫...Oh now can't you wait♪ ♫
♪ ♫(Love don't come on a plate)♪ ♫
♪ ♫Oh now can't you wait♪ ♫
♪ ♫Run run away...♪ ♫

~Run Run Away by Slade

Gravdigr · 08-24-2014, 02:52 PM

Sarge if it feels right, truly right, go for it.

But, please, make sure you ask yourself the hard questions here.

21?? Have a little fun anyway!

BigV · 08-24-2014, 03:10 PM

Why not have a relationship?

I don't know so, so much about the situation; my thoughts are thus ill-informed. However, Sarge, what do YOU want from such a relationship? If you know, then share that with her. If they match what she wants, then why the hell not? Of course, knowing what one wants in a relationship is one of life's most difficult undertakings. There are lots of areas, lots of pieces and parties, changing feelings; that stuff is difficult to pin down, much less articulate.

But if you can, then by all means, share it. With her I mean, though I'd be interested too, if you want to share here. The "rules" described above are easy to express and evaluate, but that doesn't make them appropriate to apply to you or your situation.

My feelings about relationships have changed considerably since I was a youngster. There's no doubt I'm a better partner now that I've ever been, and much of that improvement is due to a better understanding I have about myself. Self-knowledge is hard, self-honesty is hard. But if you do know, and she knows, and they're compatible, I'd say that's a very good start.

classicman · 08-24-2014, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

But the rule is and always has been, "half your age, plus seven." So unless you're 26, that's a no.

Eh hem ... "half your age, plus FIVE."

Sarge - I've been with my GF for 9 years now so IMO it totally depends on the people involved.
The kid thing is a HUGE issue (redflag) for me. Are you seriously looking to father and support more children - AGAIN?!?!?!? Call me crazy, but .... I'd

Clodfobble · 08-24-2014, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

Eh hem ... "half your age, plus FIVE."

Hey, no judgment here, I myself was the lower half of a rule-breaking relationship in my teens... but Sarge would still be breaking the rule even if it were plus-five (which it's not, you cradle-robber.

)

classicman · 08-24-2014, 06:43 PM

Ha! Well that "rule" doesn't work as one ages. The ratios change.
At one point I think we were breaking the rule, but now its OK ... or maybe it was the other way around.

Speaking of which... here is us from our trip to Punta Cana in June.

Clodfobble · 08-24-2014, 10:58 PM

Well sure, the whole point is the ratio changes, because age matters less the older you are. 33 and 16? Definitely creepy. 67 and 50? Still 17 years apart, but infinitely less weird.

You two look like you had a lot of fun! It's good to see you around again. How's Dan?

08-23-2014, 03:01 PM	#1
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Thinking about it Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a beautiful woman, who is almost 21? Consider that she is initiating the relationship where the desired goal is children. So many things race through my mind. Should a person be concerned if he had prior relationships with some of her stepmother and grandmother, yet both seem very supportive of said relationship?? Should one follow the heart?? __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

08-23-2014, 03:42 PM	#2
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	do your own thing , buuuuut __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

08-23-2014, 05:27 PM	#3
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Sometimes I can't tell if you're joking or not, Sarge. But the rule is and always has been, "half your age, plus seven." So unless you're 26, that's a no. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-23-2014, 10:48 PM	#6
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Hmmm, so I can expect this won't be a blessed union by the folks here. ok. I seriously thought age didn't matter as long as the heart was true. __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

08-23-2014, 11:08 PM	#7
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Sarge, please consider ... you've been down this road before. You have experience that has shown you that age does matter, despite the fact that your heart was true. You had a daughter with a beautiful young woman who was around the age of the woman you are currently involved with, and it's been difficult and painful for you to even have access to your child. Why would you want to repeat the experience? And what about the life (lives) of the child(ren) who will be caught in the middle? The heart is important but not the only factor when other lives are involved. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

08-23-2014, 11:12 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I only think about all the trouble you have had due to the last relationship you had with a younger woman Sarge. Why not keep to yourself, away from this woman completely for a month or so, and then see if you still feel the same. Remember, you are pretty vulnerable emotionally at the moment. Don't mistake love for affection or vice versa. Could be that its a little more or less than what you think. Most of all, just remember you have always been supported here. Dont take possibly wise counsel as an offence when it's not meant to be so. Xx __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-24-2014, 02:50 PM	#9
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	♪ ♫...If you gotta crush♪ ♫ ♪ ♫(Don't beat about the bush)♪ ♫ ♪ ♫When I gotta crush♪ ♫ ♪ ♫Run run away...♪ ♫ ♪ ♫...Oh now can't you wait♪ ♫ ♪ ♫(Love don't come on a plate)♪ ♫ ♪ ♫Oh now can't you wait♪ ♫ ♪ ♫Run run away...♪ ♫ ~Run Run Away by Slade __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. Last edited by Gravdigr; 08-24-2014 at 02:56 PM.

08-24-2014, 02:52 PM	#10
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Sarge if it feels right, truly right, go for it. But, please, make sure you ask yourself the hard questions here. 21?? Have a little fun anyway! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-24-2014, 03:10 PM	#11
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Why not have a relationship? I don't know so, so much about the situation; my thoughts are thus ill-informed. However, Sarge, what do YOU want from such a relationship? If you know, then share that with her. If they match what she wants, then why the hell not? Of course, knowing what one wants in a relationship is one of life's most difficult undertakings. There are lots of areas, lots of pieces and parties, changing feelings; that stuff is difficult to pin down, much less articulate. But if you can, then by all means, share it. With her I mean, though I'd be interested too, if you want to share here. The "rules" described above are easy to express and evaluate, but that doesn't make them appropriate to apply to you or your situation. My feelings about relationships have changed considerably since I was a youngster. There's no doubt I'm a better partner now that I've ever been, and much of that improvement is due to a better understanding I have about myself. Self-knowledge is hard, self-honesty is hard. But if you do know, and she knows, and they're compatible, I'd say that's a very good start. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

08-24-2014, 06:43 PM	#14
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Ha! Well that "rule" doesn't work as one ages. The ratios change. At one point I think we were breaking the rule, but now its OK ... or maybe it was the other way around. Speaking of which... here is us from our trip to Punta Cana in June. Attached Images __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

08-24-2014, 10:58 PM	#15
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Well sure, the whole point is the ratio changes, because age matters less the older you are. 33 and 16? Definitely creepy. 67 and 50? Still 17 years apart, but infinitely less weird. You two look like you had a lot of fun! It's good to see you around again. How's Dan? __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

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