Kill me again

anonymous · 02-14-2015, 10:31 PM

He doesn't care if I drink; he only cares if I eat.

Since I stopped getting angry at him after a glass or two of wine, he doesn't care if I drink; but it matters very much to him if that glass of wine leads to eating. Because in his mind I need to lose 40 lb and get back to my emaciated teen weight range of 114-118 lb. I am 5'7" and weighed 110 when I wrestled on my high school's first girls' wrestling team, and weighed 114 on my first wedding day ... but I was skin and bone. No muscle mass.

I need to lose some weight, but probably should stop in the mid-130s, since I lift now and have some muscle. When I got into the low 140s three years ago I was fit and felt fantastic.

This isn't so much to be anonymous, as most will easily guess ... just less searchable. I am kept track of very closely these days.

The simple answer is: leave. But my father is here, and not easy to move; and I don't want to give up this property again. I didn't know, until I left it, how much it meant to me. I won't give it up again.

Not asking for anything from anyone here. Just pissed that it's okay for me to self-destruct in one way, but not to be physically unattractive. This is not okay, it's against everything I've tried to teach my daughter, but here I am still fending it off. It's a societal evil, a problem that exists beyond my one small situation.

Nirvana · 02-14-2015, 10:56 PM

It's important to uplift your mind by reflecting on your achievements, the progress you have made and your other positive qualities. Its important to avoid extremes. I think if you gain self confidence what he says will lose its hold on your psyche. We are not the sum of our physical appearance. You are also a beacon of light to your daughter.

limey · 02-15-2015, 02:39 AM

His reasoning is off is all. You know what's right, being healthy is the best choice.
But Nirvana is right. Dwell on all your achievements to gain mental muscle mass to overcome the malign hold his opinions have.

Sent by thought transference

Undertoad · 02-15-2015, 10:15 AM

A researcher working on what is destructive to a marriage, and what predicts divorce, finds that these behaviors are the "four horsemen":

Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.

orthodoc · 02-15-2015, 02:20 PM

Thank you all. I do need to take care of myself. I'm making some practical plans in that regard, and working on a thicker skin!

xoxoxoBruce · 02-17-2015, 12:34 AM

Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter. Easier said than done until you reach the hallway sex point. That's saying, "Fuck you" when passing in the hallway. Really, you'll be vulnerable as long as you care and I think he's given you enough reason not to anymore. No reason you can't get that property next time around.

02-14-2015, 10:31 PM	#1
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	Kill me again He doesn't care if I drink; he only cares if I eat. Since I stopped getting angry at him after a glass or two of wine, he doesn't care if I drink; but it matters very much to him if that glass of wine leads to eating. Because in his mind I need to lose 40 lb and get back to my emaciated teen weight range of 114-118 lb. I am 5'7" and weighed 110 when I wrestled on my high school's first girls' wrestling team, and weighed 114 on my first wedding day ... but I was skin and bone. No muscle mass. I need to lose some weight, but probably should stop in the mid-130s, since I lift now and have some muscle. When I got into the low 140s three years ago I was fit and felt fantastic. This isn't so much to be anonymous, as most will easily guess ... just less searchable. I am kept track of very closely these days. The simple answer is: leave. But my father is here, and not easy to move; and I don't want to give up this property again. I didn't know, until I left it, how much it meant to me. I won't give it up again. Not asking for anything from anyone here. Just pissed that it's okay for me to self-destruct in one way, but not to be physically unattractive. This is not okay, it's against everything I've tried to teach my daughter, but here I am still fending it off. It's a societal evil, a problem that exists beyond my one small situation.

02-14-2015, 10:56 PM	#2
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	It's important to uplift your mind by reflecting on your achievements, the progress you have made and your other positive qualities. Its important to avoid extremes. I think if you gain self confidence what he says will lose its hold on your psyche. We are not the sum of our physical appearance. You are also a beacon of light to your daughter. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

02-15-2015, 02:39 AM	#3
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	His reasoning is off is all. You know what's right, being healthy is the best choice. But Nirvana is right. Dwell on all your achievements to gain mental muscle mass to overcome the malign hold his opinions have. Sent by thought transference __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

02-15-2015, 02:20 PM	#5
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Thank you all. I do need to take care of myself. I'm making some practical plans in that regard, and working on a thicker skin! __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

02-17-2015, 12:34 AM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter. Easier said than done until you reach the hallway sex point. That's saying, "Fuck you" when passing in the hallway. Really, you'll be vulnerable as long as you care and I think he's given you enough reason not to anymore. No reason you can't get that property next time around. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-15-2015, 10:15 AM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	A researcher working on what is destructive to a marriage, and what predicts divorce, finds that these behaviors are the "four horsemen": Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.

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