Ohai!

[Queen of the Ryche]

Soooo.....I disappeared for a while, and no one seemed to notice but that's okay. When I came back to see what's going on I saw it was Cellar business as usual. At first I felt like I didn't miss much, my life went on and so did yours, but then I really started reading and realized why I love this place so much. The wit and compassion never go away. Sure, the snarkiness rears its ugly head occasionally, but the fun and love always conquer.

So, life hasn't been all that fun lately, and hasn't left me any Cellar time, let alone much personal time to enjoy a whole lot. Not bitching, just sharing for those who care. If you don't care, next thread please. Move along. Nothing to see here. Its just that in my day to day life my friends, co-workers, family don't see the pile of poo I'm trying to dig out of, they just see each individual little piece of turd and think what's the big deal? Put on your big girl panties and get on with it! But sometimes when I get home at the end of the day, all I can do is cry and wait for it to get better. I'm not dying of cancer (FUCK CANCER by the way) and I haven't lost a limb or a loved one, so I guess I should be grateful for the life that I have. But sometimes I don't want to deal with it. I just want to say Fuck It, and sit with my head in my hands and cry.

Why, you ask? For those who have read this far, I guess you did miss me enough to care, so thanks for letting me vent.

Where do I start? I guess the trivial: dropped my cell phone in my mojito, gonna cost $300 to replace it, don't have a home phone - using a loaner til it either dries out or I bite the bullet and buy a new one. Car stereo got stolen cuz I forgot to lock my door.

Not so trivial: Was told I'd be the contact person for our office move - No one said I was in charge of the whole fucking thing. No one told me I had to contact the movers, IT, cancel cable, water & coffee service, the post office, UPS, Iron Mountain, etc. And the lady in our office who was supposed to be helping me with all of this decided to reetire two days before the move, and didn't do half the shit she was supposed to, so I got to do it all in two days. (And to top it off, she decided at the last minute to go out of town the night before her retirement party that we planned - oops, sorry guys. How rude.)

And this was three days after my surgery. tripped a month ago, broke two bones in my foot, went two weeks on crutches before the doc decided they weren't healing and needed to put pins in. So all together I'm in a cast for 7 weeks. Got a knee walker, so at least I'm off the crutches, but it still hurts, and everyday tasks require a mountain of effort.

And Princess OTR has been diagnosed as OCD at six years old. Doing EMDR therapy, and it seems to be working, but I feel so bad for her when she can't control her urges. She tells me it's to keep the germs away, and she doesn't even know when she's doing it (tapping, flapping her arms like a chicken, having to touch items three times before she'll pick them up, etc.) but I feel so sad when I see her doing it, but she gets angry if I try to stop her. She'll play in the mud til she's covered head to toe, but she has to do all of this to keep the germs away? There is no logic, and that's what is so frustrating. Other than that she is so amazingly bright and charming and beautiful and thoughtful, so I guess this is small potatoes if we can get it under control now, so she can live a normal life goign forward.

And then there's my social life - Took the leap and broke up with my boyfriend of almost four years - I've always known he wan't The One, but like an idiot was hoping either he would change, or I would change my "requirements." It finally got to the point that we both realized we wanted different things but we kept trying to change each other anyway. He has so many amazing qualities (that I truly miss) but there was a lot missing. But now I'm single. Sometimes it's really fun, and sometimes it's really lonely and depressing. (Thank god Princess helps combat the lonliness.) I've been dating - been seeing one guy since March, and although he has a lot of the qualities that were missing in the past relationships, there are a lot of things missing that I want. Maybe I'm too damn picky, but I don't ever want to settle again. THere is one man in my life who I've been friends with for six years, and there is definitely a strong attraction there, but we've both always been in relationships as long as we've known each other. And now that we're both finally single at the same time, he's going through a Playboy phase, and doesn't want a relationship. And I don't want to be one of his bimbos. I told him to let me know when he's done playing and ready for a real woman. He has ALL of the quialities I am looking for, minus the whole fidelity issue. (Pretty sure I'm what he wants too, just not yet.)

And my mom is getting old. I can hear it in her voice, and can tell form the conversations we have. She is getting forgetful. She is isolating. Small tasks take a million excuses and many days to complete. I can't handle the idea of losing the woman who has always been my rock, and a great friend.

So there you have it - A day in the life of a Queen. Thanks for dropping by to hear me rant. Gonna hitch up my britches and get on with my day. Love you guys.