No-Name Thread

[Flint]

I hope this is relevant to your topic, Brianna, but this is what it made me think of: I am plagued by an agonizing level of constant self-doubt, but it drives me to always improve, because I never feel good enough, to me. I don't know if other people percieve this - I don't try to hide it, but I'm not prone to vocal complaints either.

For example, in my work as a drummer people seem to regard me as some kind of cracker-jack, but, to me, one bad gig (that I percieved as bad) and I am almost ready to just give up and admit that I am clumsy and uncoordinated and I will never ever be even a decent drummer. Then, as it turns out, the gig was recieved as great, or the problem with the gig was percieved as having to do with the soundman or something beyond my control. I shouldn't be so swayed by the opinions of others, but in these sore ares, I have to admit that I am.

My way of dealing with my self-doubt is that I use it as a tool to drive me to get better, hence I am a perfectionist, hence people percive me as doing a good job, while I don't necesarily agree. What I may be able to achieve and what I am afraid I won't be able to achieve are so closely tied together, and I am very open about this, with myself, and have no problem admitting it.

I would almost venture to say that your level of self-doubt is an indicator of your ability to achieve. I hope this is meaningful, or has something to do with what you were thinking about.