Bad-Ass Quotient System (measure someone's bad-assness)

suncrafter · 05-09-2007, 04:14 AM

I love it when people have "who would win in a fight" conversations. You know the kind - "Who would win in a fight between Robocop and the Terminator?" or "Who would win a fight between Peewee Herman and Gilligan?" Etc...

But something that is always laking in those conversations is a proper, quantifiable, measurement of how much of a "bad-ass" someone or something is.

Toward that end - here is Suncrafter's BAQ (Bad Ass Quotient) System:

Fire Ant -------------------------------------------- BAQ = 1
Sewer Rat ----------------------------------------- BAQ = 10
Chiwawa ------------------------------------------- BAQ = 100
Drunk Redneck armed with a pool cue ---------- BAQ = 1,000
Green Beret armed with a machete -------------- BAQ = 10,000
Silverback Gorilla ----------------------------------- BAQ = 100,000
Black Rhino ------------------------------------------ BAQ = 1,000,000
Tyrannosaurus Rex ---------------------------------- BAQ = 10,000,000

It would take about 10 fire ants to evenly fight 1 sewer rat.
It would take about 10 sewer rats to evenly fight 1 Chiwawa.
It would take about 10 Chiwawas to evenly fight 1 drunk redneck armed with a pool cue.
ETC...

So, for example, lets say that 250 Green Berets armed with machetes got into a fight with 2 Black Rhinos... who would win? The 250 Green Berets would have a combined BAQ of 2,500,000 while the 2 Black Rhinos would have a combined BAQ of only 2,000,000 - so the Green Berets would win.

Now we have a scale on which we can use to measure the "Bad-a**ness" of almost anyone or anything!

Here are just a few examples:

Butterfly ================================================= 0 BAQ
Honey Bee =============================================== 1 BAQ
Fire Ant ------------------------------------------------------------- 1 BAQ
Wasp =================================================== 3 BAQ
Hermit Crab =============================================== 4 BAQ
Smurf =================================================== 5 BAQ
Gerbil =================================================== 5 BAQ
Tarantula ================================================= 7 BAQ
Sewer Rat ---------------------------------------------------------- 10 BAQ
Rabbit ================================================== 35 BAQ
Vampire Bat ============================================== 49 BAQ
Rooster (unarmed) ========================================== 79 BAQ
Squirrel ================================================== 81 BAQ
House Cat ================================================ 88 BAQ
Lobster ================================================== 90 BAQ
Chiwawa ---------------------------------------------------- 100 BAQ
Rooster (armed with cock-fighting spurs) ========================== 102 BAQ
Three Year Old Girl ========================================= 115 BAQ
Kermit the Frog ============================================ 167 BAQ
Barny the Dinosaur ========================================== 202 BAQ
Possum ================================================== 287 BAQ
Munchkin - from "Wizard of Oz" ================================= 289 BAQ
Gilligan =================================================== 306 BAQ
Oompa Loompa - from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" ============== 308 BAQ
Badger =================================================== 331 BAQ
Cookie Monster ============================================= 410 BAQ
Barn Owl ================================================== 421 BAQ
Peewee Herman ============================================= 422 BAQ
3PCO - from "Star Wars" ======================================= 449 BAQ
Crack Whore ================================================ 550 BAQ
Zombie ==================================================== 749 BAQ
Average Human ============================================== 755 BAQ
Dr. Evil - from Austen Powers movies (unarmed) ======================= 804 BAQ
Booger - from "Revenge of the Nerds" =============================== 817 BAQ
Woopi Goldburge ============================================= 831 BAQ
Howard Stern ================================================ 852 BAQ
Hawkeye Pierce - from the tv show "M.A.S.H." ======================== 856 BAQ
Rush Limbaugh =============================================== 998 BAQ
Drunk Redneck armed with a pool cue ---------------------- 1,000 BAQ
George W. Bush ============================================= 1,105 BAQ
Willy Wonka (armed with cane) =================================== 1,117 BAQ
Conan O'Brien =============================================== 1,145 BAQ
Ferris Bueller - from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" ========================= 1,290 BAQ
Jeffrey Dahmer =============================================== 1,301 BAQ
Tiger Woods (armed with golf club) ================================= 1,439 BAQ
Jack Sparrow - from "Pirates of the Caribbean" (unarmed) ================= 1,685 BAQ
Gremlin - from the movie "Gremlins" ================================ 1,696 BAQ
Stalin ====================================================== 1,985 BAQ
Pimp ====================================================== 1,990 BAQ
Wolf ======================================================= 2,144 BAQ
Boa Constrictor =============================================== 2,312 BAQ
Chimp ====================================================== 2,499 BAQ
Eskimo Fisherman (armed with spear) =============================== 2,590 BAQ
Adolf Hitler =================================================== 2,665 BAQ
Abraham Lincoln =============================================== 2,810 BAQ
King Cobra =================================================== 2,964BAQ
OJ Simpson (with glove and knife) =================================== 3,100 BAQ
Virgil Tibbs - from "In the Heat of the Night" ============================= 3,148 BAQ
Wolverine - the animal ============================================ 3,345 BAQ
Tony Montana - from "Scarface" (unarmed) ============================= 3,507 BAQ
R2D2 - from "Star Wars" ========================================== 3,965 BAQ
Matador (armed with red cape and lance) ============================== 3,989 BAQ
Green Beret (unarmed) =========================================== 4,380 BAQ
Lara Croft (unarmed) ============================================= 4,385 BAQ
Indiana Jones (unarmed) ========================================== 4,503 BAQ
Mad Max - from "Road Warrior" (unarmed) ============================= 5,082 BAQ
Snake Plissken from "Escape from New York" (unarmed) ================== 6,010 BAQ
Hannibal Lector ================================================ 6,047 BAQ
Orc Soldier - from "Lord of the Rings" (armed with sword) =================== 7,093 BAQ
Sumo Wrestler ================================================= 7,810 BAQ
New York City Fire Fighter (armed with ax) ============================= 7,896 BAQ
Mike Tyson =================================================== 7,961 BAQ
Rocky Balboa - from the movie "Rocky" =============================== 8,501 BAQ
B.A. Baracus - from the "A-Team" (unarmed) =========================== 8,627 BAQ
Chuck Norris ================================================== 8,812 BAQ

The rest of the list can be found here:
http://www.normandcompany.com/INDEX/BAQ.html

Questions for all of you...

1) What do you think your own BAQ is? (Be honest.)
2) Who or what should I add to the above list.
3) Do you think I have too much time on my hands?

05-09-2007, 04:14 AM	#1
suncrafter Violator of Customs Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 49	Bad-Ass Quotient System (measure someone's bad-assness) I love it when people have "who would win in a fight" conversations. You know the kind - "Who would win in a fight between Robocop and the Terminator?" or "Who would win a fight between Peewee Herman and Gilligan?" Etc... But something that is always laking in those conversations is a proper, quantifiable, measurement of how much of a "bad-ass" someone or something is. Toward that end - here is Suncrafter's BAQ (Bad Ass Quotient) System: Fire Ant -------------------------------------------- BAQ = 1 Sewer Rat ----------------------------------------- BAQ = 10 Chiwawa ------------------------------------------- BAQ = 100 Drunk Redneck armed with a pool cue ---------- BAQ = 1,000 Green Beret armed with a machete -------------- BAQ = 10,000 Silverback Gorilla ----------------------------------- BAQ = 100,000 Black Rhino ------------------------------------------ BAQ = 1,000,000 Tyrannosaurus Rex ---------------------------------- BAQ = 10,000,000 It would take about 10 fire ants to evenly fight 1 sewer rat. It would take about 10 sewer rats to evenly fight 1 Chiwawa. It would take about 10 Chiwawas to evenly fight 1 drunk redneck armed with a pool cue. ETC... So, for example, lets say that 250 Green Berets armed with machetes got into a fight with 2 Black Rhinos... who would win? The 250 Green Berets would have a combined BAQ of 2,500,000 while the 2 Black Rhinos would have a combined BAQ of only 2,000,000 - so the Green Berets would win. Now we have a scale on which we can use to measure the "Bad-aness" of almost anyone or anything! Here are just a few examples: Butterfly ================================================= 0 BAQ Honey Bee =============================================== 1 BAQ Fire Ant ------------------------------------------------------------- 1 BAQ Wasp =================================================== 3 BAQ Hermit Crab =============================================== 4 BAQ Smurf =================================================== 5 BAQ Gerbil =================================================== 5 BAQ Tarantula ================================================= 7 BAQ Sewer Rat ---------------------------------------------------------- 10 BAQ Rabbit ================================================== 35 BAQ Vampire Bat ============================================== 49 BAQ Rooster (unarmed) ========================================== 79 BAQ Squirrel ================================================== 81 BAQ House Cat ================================================ 88 BAQ Lobster ================================================== 90 BAQ Chiwawa ---------------------------------------------------- 100 BAQ Rooster (armed with cock-fighting spurs) ========================== 102 BAQ Three Year Old Girl ========================================= 115 BAQ Kermit the Frog ============================================ 167 BAQ Barny the Dinosaur ========================================== 202 BAQ Possum ================================================== 287 BAQ Munchkin - from "Wizard of Oz" ================================= 289 BAQ Gilligan =================================================== 306 BAQ Oompa Loompa - from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" ============== 308 BAQ Badger =================================================== 331 BAQ Cookie Monster ============================================= 410 BAQ Barn Owl ================================================== 421 BAQ Peewee Herman ============================================= 422 BAQ 3PCO - from "Star Wars" ======================================= 449 BAQ Crack Whore ================================================ 550 BAQ Zombie ==================================================== 749 BAQ Average Human ============================================== 755 BAQ Dr. Evil - from Austen Powers movies (unarmed) ======================= 804 BAQ Booger - from "Revenge of the Nerds" =============================== 817 BAQ Woopi Goldburge ============================================= 831 BAQ Howard Stern ================================================ 852 BAQ Hawkeye Pierce - from the tv show "M.A.S.H." ======================== 856 BAQ Rush Limbaugh =============================================== 998 BAQ Drunk Redneck armed with a pool cue ---------------------- 1,000 BAQ George W. Bush ============================================= 1,105 BAQ Willy Wonka (armed with cane) =================================== 1,117 BAQ Conan O'Brien =============================================== 1,145 BAQ Ferris Bueller - from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" ========================= 1,290 BAQ Jeffrey Dahmer =============================================== 1,301 BAQ Tiger Woods (armed with golf club) ================================= 1,439 BAQ Jack Sparrow - from "Pirates of the Caribbean" (unarmed) ================= 1,685 BAQ Gremlin - from the movie "Gremlins" ================================ 1,696 BAQ Stalin ====================================================== 1,985 BAQ Pimp ====================================================== 1,990 BAQ Wolf ======================================================= 2,144 BAQ Boa Constrictor =============================================== 2,312 BAQ Chimp ====================================================== 2,499 BAQ Eskimo Fisherman (armed with spear) =============================== 2,590 BAQ Adolf Hitler =================================================== 2,665 BAQ Abraham Lincoln =============================================== 2,810 BAQ King Cobra =================================================== 2,964BAQ OJ Simpson (with glove and knife) =================================== 3,100 BAQ Virgil Tibbs - from "In the Heat of the Night" ============================= 3,148 BAQ Wolverine - the animal ============================================ 3,345 BAQ Tony Montana - from "Scarface" (unarmed) ============================= 3,507 BAQ R2D2 - from "Star Wars" ========================================== 3,965 BAQ Matador (armed with red cape and lance) ============================== 3,989 BAQ Green Beret (unarmed) =========================================== 4,380 BAQ Lara Croft (unarmed) ============================================= 4,385 BAQ Indiana Jones (unarmed) ========================================== 4,503 BAQ Mad Max - from "Road Warrior" (unarmed) ============================= 5,082 BAQ Snake Plissken from "Escape from New York" (unarmed) ================== 6,010 BAQ Hannibal Lector ================================================ 6,047 BAQ Orc Soldier - from "Lord of the Rings" (armed with sword) =================== 7,093 BAQ Sumo Wrestler ================================================= 7,810 BAQ New York City Fire Fighter (armed with ax) ============================= 7,896 BAQ Mike Tyson =================================================== 7,961 BAQ Rocky Balboa - from the movie "Rocky" =============================== 8,501 BAQ B.A. Baracus - from the "A-Team" (unarmed) =========================== 8,627 BAQ Chuck Norris ================================================== 8,812 BAQ The rest of the list can be found here: http://www.normandcompany.com/INDEX/BAQ.html Questions for all of you... 1) What do you think your own BAQ is? (Be honest.) 2) Who or what should I add to the above list. 3) Do you think I have too much time on my hands? __________________ Proud webmaster of: "Orc Magazine"** Visit my Forum too!

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