Humor in Uniform

Hubris Boy · 10-28-2001, 07:12 PM

In addition to the goofy photo I posted in today's IotD, I recently received the following in an email from a buddy of mine who's stationed waaaaaay up north at Ft. Wainwright in Fairbanks, AK. I present it here, without comment, for the entertainment of my fellow Cellar Dwellars.

Real NCOs....[list=1][*]Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.[*]Think MRE's taste good (with a little hot sauce).[*]Would like to see what kind of creature "ham and chicken loaf" comes from.[*]Have a spine.[*]Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.[*]Can see in the dark.[*]Have eyes in the backs of their heads.[*]Would rather be on the flight line than behind a desk.[*]Have wet dreams about leading the assault on Baghdad.[*]Still don't trust the Russians.[*]Still hate the French.[*]Don't know how to be politically correct.[*]Don't give a damn about being politically correct.[*]Think "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the UCMJ.[*]Love deploying to the field because there is less paperwork and more "real" work.[*]Can run 2 miles with a hangover, but can't pass a ten minute bike ride.[*]Do not fear women in the military.[*]Would actually like to date G.I. Jane.[*]Know that there is a difference between "giving orders" and "going through the orders process".[*]Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.[*]Still know how to use a buffer.[*]Can tell you anything you want to know about the 90mm recoilless rifle, even though it's no longer in the Army inventory.[*]Believe that they DO have a rendezvous with destiny.[*]Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.[*]Don't know how to use a "stress card".[*]Idolize John Wayne.[*]Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander".[*]Can remember when faggots weren't a "minority group".[*]Won't brief it if it is too complicated to fit on one page of those little green notebooks.[*]Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned at Little Big Horn.[*]Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't "been there".[*]Believe that "Commander's Call", was invented by individuals who couldn't lead their way out of a field latrine.[*]Know how to properly construct a field latrine.[*]Know how to do a daisy chain.[*]Know that a daisy chain is not a sex act.[*]Might admire the Germans, but still realize Patton kicked their asses![*]Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.[*]Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.[*]Don't need a GPS to find themselves.[*]Think pilots are guys who wear pajamas to work.[*]Have enough BDUs and long johns in their closet to start a surplus store.[*]Still have greens in their closet, hoping they will eventually change back.[*]Can be found eating and bunking with the troops.[*]Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.[*]Have more time on the flight line than most others have in the chow line.[*]Know that volleyball and drinking 101, are the most important subjects taught in AIT.[*]Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop is missing.[*]Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it, nor when you can stand a track jack up in it.[*]Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.[*]Know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.[/list=1]
Oh, and by the way...
A real NCO's wife:[list=1][*]has burn scars on her fingertips from ironing the pleated pockets on BDUs.[*] knows that "Platoon Party" means "Make room for the keg and start cooking."[*] knows that "TDY" means "Shine my boots and pack my bags. You're on your own."[*]knows that "Promotion Ceremony" means "I'll be home at 2 AM with 3 or 4 other drunken idiots who will need a place to sleep and breakfast in the morning."[/list=1]

10-28-2001, 07:12 PM	#1
Hubris Boy Keymaster of Gozer Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Patapsco Drainage Basin Posts: 471	Humor in Uniform In addition to the goofy photo I posted in today's IotD, I recently received the following in an email from a buddy of mine who's stationed waaaaaay up north at Ft. Wainwright in Fairbanks, AK. I present it here, without comment, for the entertainment of my fellow Cellar Dwellars. Real NCOs....[list=1][]Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.[]Think MRE's taste good (with a little hot sauce).[]Would like to see what kind of creature "ham and chicken loaf" comes from.[]Have a spine.[]Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.[]Can see in the dark.[]Have eyes in the backs of their heads.[]Would rather be on the flight line than behind a desk.[]Have wet dreams about leading the assault on Baghdad.[]Still don't trust the Russians.[]Still hate the French.[]Don't know how to be politically correct.[]Don't give a damn about being politically correct.[]Think "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the UCMJ.[]Love deploying to the field because there is less paperwork and more "real" work.[]Can run 2 miles with a hangover, but can't pass a ten minute bike ride.[]Do not fear women in the military.[]Would actually like to date G.I. Jane.[]Know that there is a difference between "giving orders" and "going through the orders process".[]Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.[]Still know how to use a buffer.[]Can tell you anything you want to know about the 90mm recoilless rifle, even though it's no longer in the Army inventory.[]Believe that they DO have a rendezvous with destiny.[]Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.[]Don't know how to use a "stress card".[]Idolize John Wayne.[]Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander".[]Can remember when faggots weren't a "minority group".[]Won't brief it if it is too complicated to fit on one page of those little green notebooks.[]Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned at Little Big Horn.[]Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't "been there".[]Believe that "Commander's Call", was invented by individuals who couldn't lead their way out of a field latrine.[]Know how to properly construct a field latrine.[]Know how to do a daisy chain.[]Know that a daisy chain is not a sex act.[]Might admire the Germans, but still realize Patton kicked their asses![]Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.[]Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.[]Don't need a GPS to find themselves.[]Think pilots are guys who wear pajamas to work.[]Have enough BDUs and long johns in their closet to start a surplus store.[]Still have greens in their closet, hoping they will eventually change back.[]Can be found eating and bunking with the troops.[]Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.[]Have more time on the flight line than most others have in the chow line.[]Know that volleyball and drinking 101, are the most important subjects taught in AIT.[]Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop is missing.[]Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it, nor when you can stand a track jack up in it.[]Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.[]Know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.[/list=1] Oh, and by the way... *A real NCO's wife:[list=1][]has burn scars on her fingertips from ironing the pleated pockets on BDUs.[] knows that "Platoon Party" means "Make room for the keg and start cooking."[] knows that "TDY" means "Shine my boots and pack my bags. You're on your own."[*]knows that "Promotion Ceremony" means "I'll be home at 2 AM with 3 or 4 other drunken idiots who will need a place to sleep and breakfast in the morning."[/list=1]

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