Poems

[orthodoc]

I hate to start a new thread with every poem. Some of them are worthwhile; others are dross. Maybe this can be a general thread for poems, good and/or not so good? This one rants about my frustrations with and love for my father. I idolized him throughout childhood, but of course no one can live up to that and neither did he. He was infinitely preferable to my savagely abusive mother, but that was a low bar.

Nevertheless, he came to my horse shows and cheered me on, standing in the rain.

Later, he bailed on a marriage that was abusive to him, but took up with a woman who could have been a clone of the one he ran from. She always hated us, his children.

I always/still have wanted to have a parent to love.

eta: I'm sorry; this is me trying to deal with old wounds. Probably not applicable to many. But if any others want to post real poems, I'd love to read them.

Only a Boy

Could possibly have
Met your expectations

Only a boy
Could have walked with you
Talked with you
Been your incarnation

Only a boy
Would have satisfied you
Carried on the name
Wouldn’t bear the blame

Of your failure
To do right by
Those who really bore your name

Only a boy
Could have loved you
Without restraint

Only a boy
Would have done as I did
Traitor yet become a saint

Only in your eyes
Yet you never did protect me
Let me feel the subtle taint

Of having loved you
But your love was for another
I was easy to disdain

I was your boy
Always tried to love you
Tried to earn your regard
Not to mention your love

But that was not forthcoming

All men are assholes
Said a wise man I met later

Too late for my salvation

In my childhood
I played with dolls
I gave them names
Frankline, Josephine …
They were boys, as was I
Only wanted to admire you
Wanted to inspire you
Wanted your love

But that was reserved
For the boy you always wanted
The boy you adopted
Then rejected
When he wasn’t good enough

Why did I always
Try to, want to, need to be
Your boy
The boy
Who’d meet your expectations

Only a boy
Could meet your expectations