Cat woes again!

I don't know where to put this. Guess here's as good as any.

Several months ago, friend "A" decided to move out of town to go live with her SO. Friend "B" and I were pessimistic about the outcome of this, but wished her well, said our goodbyes, etc. Well, 2 nights ago, B calls me with the news A is coming back to town. We talk about how we both knew it would never work for A in that situation and we feel bad for her, but glad she'll be back in town again. Then B casually mentions that A's cat needs a place to stay. B makes it sound like this would just be for a night or two at most. B explains that she is allergic to cats, and A will be staying over at her place that night. So, I say, sure. What's one night or two, right?

Well, A comes over with the cat and its quickly becomes apparent that she thinks I am going to take her cat forever!

WTF!

Its an older cat, and A has has it for 5 years or so. Now, she's just going to get rid of it? I can't handle another animal. I'll have the puppy coming soon, and I've got Rikki. I live in a small place and my income is as small as my place. I cannot properly care for three animals, especially an older one that may have to end up going to the vet more often.

I explained all this to A and told her that I could foster the cat maybe for a while, but she needed to find a permanent home for it.

Well, I don't even think I can foster it after two days trying to mediate between my kitten, Rikki, and A's cat. A's animal is declawed and timid. I don't believe in declawing, so Rikki has all claws and he is young and rambunctious, plus this is HIS territory.

I know poor A has had a very bad time. She lost 20 pounds that she couldn't afford to lose. When I spoke to her she looked incredibly exhausted. I hate to add to her worries by telling her she is simply going to have to take the cat back. I don't think B is allergic cats, she just doesn't like them and doesn't want one in her house.

I'm mad at B for not being upfront with me in the beginning. She didn't tell me the truth about the cat's status and I think she just told A that I'd said I'd take her cat on permanently.

I don't want to strain my friendship with A and B, but they have certainly strained it with me. Its not like I owe either of them this big a favor either. I loaned A $200 right before she left town and then told her to forget about it, because I knew she was in a bad spot financially. I've also done many favors for B, as well.

Help! What should I do?

[dar512]

This is not your problem. Don't let them force this problem on you. Take the cat to A, who officially owns the cat, and tell her that you cannot keep it. Set the cat down and leave as soon as possible.

[wolf]

Tell A she takes the cat or the cat goes to the ASPCA. To die.

[Elspode]

Just be honest with them and tell them that it was your understanding in the beginning that this was to be a temporary arrangement, and that you simply cannot take on responsibility for her cat. She needs to be the one deciding what to do, not you.

Making a person take responsibility for what they are truly responsible for is not cruelty.

[tw]

As usual, there is no one representing the interests of the cat. Sound just like what happens to kids in a court of law.

[Elspode]

TW is right. Somebody call PETA and ask them to send a naked female lawyer painted up as a striped tabby.

[Perry Winkle]

Originally Posted by Elspode

Somebody call PETA and ask them to send a naked female lawyer painted up as a striped tabby.

I wonder if there's a naked-female-lawyers-painted-as-cats dating service?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by marichiko

Help! What should I do?

Print a copy of what you wrote and give it to A.....with the cat.

I should print out this entire thread and give it to them. That would set the cat among the chickens!

I have a zillion things on my mind right now and in the background the sounds of two cats duking it out (one without its claws!). I can keep the cats in seperate rooms with seperate litter and food, but that's a giant pain in the ass.

Yes, A will be called and informed that it is an act of cruelty for her clawless cat to remain here, and a new foster Mom needs to be found. If she doesn't come get kitty, I'll go leave it at her place. This is ridiculous!

[wolf]

Originally Posted by grant

I wonder if there's a naked-female-lawyers-painted-as-cats dating service?

There isn't as such, but I believe that the American Bar Association has a SIG (Special Interest Group).

[Tonchi]

I feel so sorry for that poor little cat. And so DISGUSTED with your (former) friend It's rather obvious that she does not have much control over herself or her life, but why punish the poor animal for her inadequacies? I wish I could help the cat find another home

Originally Posted by Tonchi

I feel so sorry for that poor little cat. And so DISGUSTED with your (former) friend It's rather obvious that she does not have much control over herself or her life, but why punish the poor animal for her inadequacies? I wish I could help the cat find another home

Yes, AGREE, Tonchi! When I take an animal on, we're a team until one or the other of us dies. That's a matter of integrity to me. I don't take my animals lightly. They are not disposable objects, but living beings that are dependent on us through no fault of their own. WE domesticated them, after all!

I can't see having an animal for five years and then just trying to fob it off on someone else when the animal is no longer convenient. I moved out of a VERY nice apartment in Denver when the landlord changed their pet policy and it was get rid of my Corgi or move. I didn't even have to think twice. I was giving my thirty day's notice before the landlord even finished speaking.

I have camped out on the National Forest with my cat, rather than accept a room indoors without him (my cat loved the adventure, by the way!)

I think "A" is one of those people who won't stand up for herself. I get the feeling that she never really wanted the cat, but couldn't say "no" to the person who gave it to HER. Now she is unable to act assertively with "B" and work out a compromise that would allow the cat to remain with her at "B"s place. B was dying to have A come and share her house with her, and B is NOT allergic to cats. She comes over here round mine all the time, and never a sneeze have I heard or a watery eye or rash beheld.

A and B are doing what's expedient for them. Now I am the one who must act assertively and say "no" to a friend, and I feel bad about that kitty's fate, too.

But there is too much going on in my life right now. I was on terminal overload before the fighting cats fiasco. And the new puppy is due to arrive Friday. I need to care for the two animals I CHOSE to care for. End of story.

(Wow! Got into quite the minor rant there. Guess I needed to dump a little!)

[Cyclefrance]

You have to stand back from things like this so you can make out the wood from the trees. Quite clearly you have etsablished your own pet scenario with RTT and imminently arriving Corgi (if you decided on the name, I missed it).

Tell 'A' that she has until 'x' date to retrieve her cat ( latest date for 'x' being arrival day of Corgi - sooner if you feel necessary) after which date you will regretfully have to place her cat in hands of ASPCA passing them her details as rightful owner.

Make it clear that you helped as much as you said you would and really only did so because of 'B's' allergy and to give 'A' time to make other arrangements. The time left that you have the cat should still be time enough for her to make arrangements, which ultimatelyy would have had to include ASPCA as an option - so you are only doing what she would have had to do if she fails to take the cat back.

If all the above still seems unsettling for you evn though it is common-sense, then you could try an ad (freebie or very low cost like shop window jobbie) to find the cat a new home, but make sure that 'A's' phone number is the one that people call (unless you want to control the exercise).

At the end of the day, if 'A' gripes then I think it is good to turn the picture round and ask her if she would do the same for you - if she has the audacity to say 'yes' then give her the cat back there and then as you will only be responding to her answer, if she says 'no' then still give her the cat back as she has admitted that it's unfair to land you with such a responsibility....

Hey, thanks, CycleFrance!

I just left a message on "B''s machine for "A," and told her that it is simply too much for me to mediate between the two cats and the arrival of "Shine" (the Corgi pup's litter name) will make everything worse. It would be one thing if I had decided to add an adult clawless cat AND a puppy to my household at the same time. But I did NOT make such a decision. I refuse to be the one who has to drop the cat off at the Humane Society to be euthanized. It is A's cat and it is B who refuses to allow it into her pet-free home even long enough to allow "A" to find a new home for it. Let A or B do the dirty deed. I won't.

I told them that I will be dropping off the cat at their house tomorrow. If no one is home, I will leave the cat in its crate with plenty of warm blankets on their front porch. The cat is NOT my responsibility.

I understand A is going through a lot right now, but so am I. Enough is enough. The cat has been here 5 days now and every single one of them, I've been treated to continual sounds of cats fighting and screaming or the awkwardness of locking the animals in seperate rooms.

If B had a shred of kindness within her, she'd allow A's cat to stay in the unused back room of her house which is twice the size of my house until A can find a new home for the kitty. Both A and B were over to my tiny cottage last night which now has plenty of cat fur and dander in the air. I did not notice B sneezing once and her fair complexion did not turned red from an allergic reaction, nor did she break out into hives or have her air passageway close up. I told them then that the cat needed to go and they promised to come get it today. So far they haven't, and its almost 5:00pm.

Its up to A to resolve, not me.

[wolf]

So, you won't take the cat to the spca because it might be killed but you're willing to leave it on the front porch to freeze to death, blankets notwithstanding.

O.K.