Steven Wrightisms - Page 2

spinningfetus · 06-03-2002, 07:05 PM

Or how about:

If a tree falls on me in the forest and noone is around to hear me and I mute?

Nic Name · 06-04-2002, 10:36 PM

If the Catholic Church defrocks a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?

spinningfetus · 06-06-2002, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nic Name
If the Catholic Church defrocks a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?

Would the priest then be collared or decollared?

MaggieL · 06-06-2002, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by spinningfetus

Would the priest then be collared or decollared?

Only if he was into D&s play.

LordSludge · 06-06-2002, 01:25 PM

If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, does anybody care?

datalas · 06-06-2002, 05:45 PM

I would.....

I *like* trees.

Nic Name · 06-06-2002, 05:50 PM

If a tree fell on a Scot would anybody pine?

Nothing But Net · 06-06-2002, 10:08 PM

There is such a thing as a free lunch, especially if you're a Great White Shark.

hertz · 10-14-2002, 10:58 PM

A bona fide Wrightism from The Onion:

The Onion: Is there a God?
Steven Wright: Ahhh ... You'll have to ask Jesus.

juju · 10-16-2002, 02:41 PM

Bitman, they're jokes.

wolf · 10-16-2002, 09:33 PM

"I don't think. My brain just tells me what to do"
(actual statement by chronic mental patient calling into crisis hotline)

Bitman · 10-17-2002, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juju
Bitman, they're jokes.

What? Why didn't ju tell me earlier?? Here I'm trying to be helpful .. maggie I'll have to warch what I say in the future..

warch · 10-18-2002, 10:53 AM

Hey, leave me out of it.

Urbane Guerrilla · 10-23-2002, 01:09 PM

But Peter Mark Roget didn't find it. He compiled his Thesaurus in the eighteenth century, and this synonym's style just screams nineteenth:

synonymicon; n., -s [synonym + icon (as in lexicon)]: a lexicon of synonyms

(Webster's Third New International)

"Nihilism means nothing to me any more; nostalgia isn't what it used to be; but plagiarism doesn't change much, and since when were we ever revisionists??"

"That we are neither primates nor ungulates must give us pause..."

Riddil · 10-24-2002, 03:43 PM

Aw c'mon folks, it's really not THAT hard to stay on topic...

From my experience, it seems like the people who most often say, "I'd like to give them a piece of my mind", don't have all that much to spare.

-

Metaphorically speaking, most people are allegorical.

-

If time is money, why does everyone tell me to stop and smell the roses? Do they know something I don't about the billing terms of this deal?

-

Why do people feel the need to give directions in terms of 'as the crow flies'? Are they just practicing for the day they actually run into Clark Kent?

-

Wouldn't it be funny if one day we learned that the punishment in hell is with ice, not fire? Think of all those bets you could finally collect on.

06-03-2002, 07:05 PM	#16
spinningfetus Major Inhabitant Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Between a rock and a hard place... Posts: 122	Or how about: If a tree falls on me in the forest and noone is around to hear me and I mute? __________________ Don't turn you back on the bottle, its never turned its back on you. -Boozy the Clown

06-06-2002, 01:25 PM	#20
LordSludge Geek Join Date: May 2002 Location: Greenville, SC Posts: 76	If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, does anybody care? __________________ "Fasten your seatbelt. I saw something in a cartoon once that I want to try."

10-14-2002, 10:58 PM	#24
hertz Dry Nurse Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: melbourne Posts: 23	A bona fide Wrightism from The Onion: The Onion: Is there a God? Steven Wright: Ahhh ... You'll have to ask Jesus. __________________ In about as much trouble as a pidgeon with a broken wing hitching a ride with a hungry, amphetamine laden fox.

10-16-2002, 09:33 PM	#26
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	"I don't think. My brain just tells me what to do" (actual statement by chronic mental patient calling into crisis hotline) __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-23-2002, 01:09 PM	#29
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	Yes, there is a synonym for "thesaurus" But Peter Mark Roget didn't find it. He compiled his Thesaurus in the eighteenth century, and this synonym's style just screams nineteenth: synonymicon; n., -s [synonym + icon (as in lexicon)]: a lexicon of synonyms (Webster's Third New International) "Nihilism means nothing to me any more; nostalgia isn't what it used to be; but plagiarism doesn't change much, and since when were we ever revisionists??" "That we are neither primates nor ungulates must give us pause..." __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

06-04-2002, 10:36 PM	#17
Nic Name retired Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 1,930	*If the Catholic Church defrocks* a priest who molests a child, are they making the punishment suit the crime?**

06-06-2002, 05:45 PM	#21
datalas Generic Monkey Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Scotland UK Posts: 49	I would..... I like trees.

06-06-2002, 05:50 PM	#22
Nic Name retired Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 1,930	If a tree fell on a Scot would anybody pine?

06-06-2002, 10:08 PM	#23
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	There is such a thing as a free lunch, especially if you're a Great White Shark.

10-16-2002, 02:41 PM	#25
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Bitman, they're jokes.

10-18-2002, 10:53 AM	#28
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Hey, leave me out of it.

10-24-2002, 03:43 PM	#30
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Aw c'mon folks, it's really not THAT hard to stay on topic... From my experience, it seems like the people who most often say, "I'd like to give them a piece of my mind", don't have all that much to spare. - Metaphorically speaking, most people are allegorical. - If time is money, why does everyone tell me to stop and smell the roses? Do they know something I don't about the billing terms of this deal? - Why do people feel the need to give directions in terms of 'as the crow flies'? Are they just practicing for the day they actually run into Clark Kent? - Wouldn't it be funny if one day we learned that the punishment in hell is with ice, not fire? Think of all those bets you could finally collect on.

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