My Kid is a Damn Nutter

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Griff

Your chronicles are helping me think about how I need to relate to parents, thank you for that.

On the subject of relating to parents, a friend of mine wrote this a week ago in reaction to a bad experience with another parent in her son's mainstream class. She gave permission to others to share it, and ultimately was asked to read it in person to the entire teaching staff at her son's school. It's really beautiful.

As a mom with a child with autism, I want pretty much what every parent wants
for their child. I want him to have opportunities to learn new things and
experience life as normally as possible. This means he needs to be in a regular
general education classroom for as much of the day as he can tolerate. It also
means that sometimes he may melt down in the middle of that gen ed classroom.

My son is very smart. At two he was reading and writing words like storybook,
and at three; Wellness Education. In Kindergarten his classmates were in awe
that he could read everything written on the board and even around the room on
the first day of school. He could do all the school work, but he could barely
talk. He couldn't hold a conversation or ask a question, but he loved school
and his classmates.

Academically he needs to be with his peers. Behavior is one of the big issues.
He is impulsive, so if he thinks of something he will jump up and do it. He is
compulsive about doors, he loves to open and close them over and over. He does
this when he is anxious or there is too much going on around him. When this
happens he may melt down into crying and screaming if you try to stop him from
playing with the door.

This year my son starts 3rd grade. Last year he learned his multiplication
facts while his sister was learning hers. He learned in two weeks at the
beginning of school, while she took most of her 3rd grade year like all the
other kids in her class.

My son talks a lot more now. He can ask questions and comment, but holding a
regular conversation still is beyond his capability. He loves school, and he
loves friends even though he doesn't really know how to play with them, but he
is learning. He understands everything that is said to him, and he feels
other's emotions around him. He is very sensitive, and gets very upset and hurt
if he thinks you are mad or disappointed in him. He needs to be in a regular
classroom to learn and grow. Being around typical kids helps him learn typical
behavior even if he can't always maintain that. He learns so much from his
typical peers, and I believe they learn so much from him.

My daughter is a better person for having a brother with special needs. She has
more compassion and empathy for people. She realizes that people can see the
world very differently than she does, and that is okay. She has learned that
being embarrassed by her brother isn't nearly as important as supporting and
encouraging him when he is upset. Kids in an inclusion classroom get to learn a
little part of these things too. Academics are important, but don't we want our
kids to learn to be better people too?

It is hard being a mom with a child with these incredible assets and also some
incredible needs. It is hard to walk into a general ed classroom with typical
kids putting away their supplies and talking to friends from prior years,
parents talking with other parents, and you know they will soon see that your
child is different. It is hard because these parents look at your child getting
upset because he can't open and close the door, yelling out that he doesn't want
to sit in his chair, getting up and running around the room and they have a
horrified look on their face or they turn away and avoid looking at you or your
child. You know that they are wondering why this child is in their child's
classroom. You know that it will probably be this way at every party or event
you have to attend. You hope that their child will teach them over the year and
change their attitude, because kids usually get it much sooner than adults.

My child will have a good year. He is happy and loves learning. I believe
there will be at least a couple of kids in his room that he will consider his
friends. I will work hard this year to be an 'inclusioned mom'. I will try
hard to reach out and talk to the other moms and get to know them. I will try
to foster a sense of openness so they feel free to ask me questions and learn
more about my son. I realize that it is my responsibility to educate where I
can, and allow everything else to wash off me like water off a duck's back. My
son seems to be better with this than I am, but I am learning. Thanks for
listening.