Dwellar Secrets

[Sundae]

Pamela, you have the most gorgeous hair.

[glatt]

BrianR is your user title. Do you want us to call you Brian, BrianR, or Pamela? Or Pam?

Are you going to change your profile picture and ask for a changed user name?

Each day, do you dress as a woman? Have you thrown away your men's clothes? I'm curious how it works, this transition. Is it gradual, where you go back and forth between identities as the mood strikes you, or have you said goodbye to Brian and you're now Pam?

[Spexxvet]

Are you still driving trucks?

No, not as of the end of January.

Does it have anything to do with this decision?

[BrianR]

Originally Posted by monster

I hate foundation. 2005? You still look young for your age in that shot. It must agree with you

I hate foundation too. Unfortunately, I need it to cover the beard shadow.

Originally Posted by plthijinx

2005? just before salt grass then. that was what? 2006?

Salt grass? The restaurant chain or Distichlis spicata?

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Brian, I don't know if this is PC or not. I'll be buggered if I can figure it out, but I just wanted to say that you make a pretty attractive woman. I've never seen you as a man, so I can't comment on that.

I'm definitely not a PC-person so go ahead. Thank you very much. For a man pic, try my profile. Just click on my name.

Originally Posted by ZenGum

If you thought announcing your new identity was going to distract me from the fact that you're a plagiarist, you've got another think coming!



Actually I'm more amused that nobody noticed you plagiarised LotR. Which poem was it?

I forget now. It was one of the very short ones taken from just after Gandalf fell in the Mines of Moria. I'd have to get the books out to see the exact one. It all goes to show that no one really read those poems or "songs" except us LotR geeks.

Originally Posted by casimendocina

That's a great dress or is it a feather boa?

It is only a boa.

Originally Posted by wolf

Brian, Thanks for trusting everyone here.

As always, I am curious about several things ...

- why on earth would you CHOOSE to wear pantyhose and high heels (yes, I know that flats are more likely for you, but that spoils my question)?

I choose NOT to wear those! I prefer stockings and garters for the sexy feelings on the unusual occasions that I wear them at all. I'm a leggings or skirt kind of gurl.

(I do have a pair of F*** me heels tho )

- will you lose the ability to parallel park and repair automobiles?

no, but I will gain the ability to get someone else to do it for me!
I'm practicing my "helpless female" image for flat tires!

- nice glamor shot.

Thank you.

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Pamela, you have the most gorgeous hair.

Thanks, but that's a wig, not my real hair. My real hair is much thinner and finer. I hail from Scotland mind.

Originally Posted by glatt

BrianR is your user title. Do you want us to call you Brian, BrianR, or Pamela? Or Pam?

Are you going to change your profile picture and ask for a changed user name?

Well, you can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay.... as long as you don't call me late for supper! [/obscure joke] Seriously, I will answer to both until I get my official name change sometime next year. Until then, whatever makes you comfortable. I prefer Pamela (or just Pam to my friends) but no pressure. And I wouldn't be even a little upset if UT were to change my user name to Pamela.

Each day, do you dress as a woman? Have you thrown away your men's clothes? I'm curious how it works, this transition. Is it gradual, where you go back and forth between identities as the mood strikes you, or have you said goodbye to Brian and you're now Pam?

I tend to dress male still, partly because clothes cost more for women, it's tougher to find things that fit me (either too tight/small or too large and FORGET shoes!). Also, remember that I live in Redneck, Texas. The land of pick em up trucks, guns and beer. Some people know about me and most have been accepting (surprisingly). Of course, that acceptance only goes so far.

The changes are gradual, I won't sprout boobage overnight (darn!) nor will I suddenly dress in full drag queen mode (ever!) And no, my sexual preference won't change!

The transition is different for each of us. Some just change overnight and others barely change at all. It's mostly a comfort thing. I know of gurls who planned their coming out as if it were a debutante ball, complete with guests, a gown and a buffet, strolled in, made the announcement that they will henceforth be known as XXXXX etc etc. And never look back. Others stay in stealth mode, perhaps in fear for their lives (murder happens) or jobs (it's legal to fire us in 38 states) or other reasons.

I am playing this by ear, adding clothes to my wardrobe as I find them (and like them). There will be many ups and downs on this roller coaster ride and this is only the beginning. Please bear with me.

I welcome any and all respectful questions. One may wish to look up Calpernia Addam's YouTube video "Bad questions to ask a Transsexual" (Director's Cut is the better of them). So far, no one has insulted or offended me and I don't expect anyone to do so. I know you all pretty well and I understand that your questions are posited in the desire to understand, not to offend.

Thank you all for your patience!

Pam

[BrianR]

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

Does it have anything to do with this decision?

No. It has to do with a major accident in January which totalled the truck. My company blackballed me for that. I am basically finished driving trucks for a living unless I buy my own and hustle my own loads.

In this biz, the deck is stacked against the drivers. If you have an accident, it goes on a big database which is accessed by all potential employers. If they don't like what they see, you don't get hired.

Accidents are reportable for three years on an application. After that, you don't have to list them. So it follows that I just stay clean for three years and my slate is wiped clean, right? Nope! The database keeps records for TEN years. And if you wait more than a year or so to work, you have another whammy to contend with. In order to get hired, you must have RECENT over the road tractor trailer experience. If I took a job hauling hay from fields to market locally or driving an oil tanker for Halliburton every day, that would NOT COUNT as it is not over the road driving and I still wouldn't get hired.

I'm going to find a better field to get into. Possibly go to college first and get a degree in something interesting to me.

[BrianR]

Y'know what I find most interesting?

That no one has pointed out the delicious irony in my .sig yet!

[DanaC]

Legal to fire? Damn, that's awful.

A good friend of mine is currently trying to get a place as a PhD student and having problems. Mainly because she did her degree and Masters before she transitioned. She doesn't want her old Uni to know about the change, because she was a military historian and suspects her former tutors and colleagues would be less than understanding. But her PhD proposal sounds really interesting. She is looking at the history of transgender 'treatment' in the UK.

We are somewhat behind much of the civilised world in this country in how we define transgender. It is still defined as a psychiatric condition here and in order to access the necessary counselling, treatment and operations 'patients' have to go through the pychiatric system. She's campaigning to try and get that changed, and our council scrutiny panel are supporting her campaign. We are still working from definitions that were set down decades ago. Other countries have updated their definitions several times since the last time we looked at it in any depth over here.

Unfortunately, there's a whole school of psychiatry devoted to this 'psychiatric condition' so theres rather a lot of vested interest in it remaining this way.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by BrianR

No. It has to do with a major accident in January which totalled the truck. My company blackballed me for that. I am basically finished driving trucks for a living unless I buy my own and hustle my own loads.

In this biz, the deck is stacked against the drivers. If you have an accident, it goes on a big database which is accessed by all potential employers. If they don't like what they see, you don't get hired.

That sucks. Fuck The Man!

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Brian, I don't know if this is PC or not. I'll be buggered if I can figure it out, but I just wanted to say that you make a pretty attractive woman. I've never seen you as a man, so I can't comment on that.

Hey Ali--

Like you, I don't know if this is PC or not, but I'll preface it by saying any offense is born of my ignorance, not my malice. I have plenty of the former, and none of the latter.

Pamela, ... wow. You're beautiful.

Aaaaand, I have met BrianR in person. I went back and reviewed the pictures of our meeting and while there is a unmistakable resemblance, this is an entirely new look. By the way, my previous offer still stands. If you're ever back in the neighborhood, please contact me (email is best these days) and we'll have dinner or something. I'd be happy to have you as my guest.

[plthijinx]

Originally Posted by BrianR

Salt grass? The restaurant chain or Distichlis spicata?

the restaurant you me and crazy bitch went to on I-10.

and by the way, to quote spock:

i have been and always shall be your friend. [/spock]

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by BrianR

Thanks, but that's a wig, not my real hair. My real hair is much thinner and finer. I hail from Scotland mind.

Is it right to glory in the fact that someone else does not have shampoo-commercial-level hair?
You know what, fuck gender, I'm really evilly glad that was a wig.
Now I just need to get Jinx to admit she has very expensive hair extensions and my nasty side will be satisfied.

[BrianR]

I have had those, too. I wish I had the money to put them back in and maintain them. I loved them!

Even if I did have to make a few adjustments here and there to accomodate them.

[BrianR]

Originally Posted by plthijinx

the restaurant you me and crazy bitch went to on I-10.

and by the way, to quote spock:

i have been and always shall be your friend. [/spock]

Oh yes. I remember now. And I never doubted your friendship.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by BrianR

Even if I did have to make a few adjustments here and there to accomodate them.

Serves you right for having them put below the knicker line.

Brian/ Pamela - are you okay with all the questions?
I only know you online, but you seem pretty robust.

It's just Ibram's recent posts have made me question my usual reactions...

I'm not old-school Dwellar. So I really hope I'm not being intrusive.
I really respect your admission of transition, and your willingness to engage with those of us with limited experience of your situation.

More recent pics would be lovely.

[BrianR]

I do not mind the questions in the least. If anyone gets rude or offensive or too personal, I will let them know. You in particular are not offending me at all.

I know that a lot of people know little or nothing about transsexuals. I know that you have lots of questions. I don't mind answering them, if only to bring a little more enlightenment into the world.

Feel free to ask away!

Oh, and more recent pictures will have to wait. So far, I have only approved my glam shots from yesteryear for public display. Rest assured, I am taking pictures weekly to document my transition. Someday, I will post them all in order so that friends can see the changes better.