Not much time left...and I miss my parents...

pensive pam · 04-25-2011, 01:32 AM

Congrats to the community. You WIN. I wanted things to be so much different for my life. Today was easter adn i was too ashamed toi call home. ashamed of who i am. Ashamed I could not get the job done. ...so be it...i guess.

I know how I am viewed on here. i see what is written. i AM a loser. and am low on food and money. i see what little I have. not much to see. i came here because of someone telling me to. i know i am looked at as a 'troller' person. my circumstances are real...

things got out of hand in my life. i wish i could blame the econmy. but i will take the blame. please do not ever say i was not honest about my being. do you know what it is like deciding to spend money on food or medicine .... when yuo can not buy both???

so please do not evr call me a fraud. most of you will never knwo...and i hope you do not ever have to know what it is like - even those on here who tried to destry my soul.

yes, i lost the gotham's writer contest. she was better. and yes, i did get banned from cafepharma. i was her on that site. howmuch more can one bare their soul to an anonymous website????

no of you care. so if you do not like what I post then let me be...just let me go. a life of pain. a life of mutilation and regret.

Pam.

pensive pam · 04-25-2011, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pensive pam

Congrats to the community. You WIN. I wanted things to be so much different for my life. Today was easter adn i was too ashamed toi call home. ashamed of who i am. Ashamed I could not get the job done. ...so be it...i guess.

I know how I am viewed on here. i see what is written. i AM a loser. and am low on food and money. i see what little I have. not much to see. i came here because of someone telling me to. i know i am looked at as a 'troller' person. my circumstances are real...

things got out of hand in my life. i wish i could blame the econmy. but i will take the blame. please do not ever say i was not honest about my being. do you know what it is like deciding to spend money on food or medicine .... when yuo can not buy both???

so please do not evr call me a fraud. most of you will never knwo...and i hope you do not ever have to know what it is like - even those on here who tried to destry my soul.

yes, i lost the gotham's writer contest. she was better. and yes, i did get banned from cafepharma. i was her on that site. howmuch more can one bare their soul to an anonymous website????

no of you care. so if you do not like what I post then let me be...just let me go. a life of pain. a life of mutilation and regret.

Pam.

p.s. enjoy your life fuckers!!! i will never return
EVER.

Last post,
Pam!!!

Sundae · 04-25-2011, 07:18 AM

PLEASE.

Pico and ME · 04-25-2011, 10:24 AM

Sweeps week over so soon?

glatt · 04-25-2011, 10:30 AM

I, like many here, thought it was Emma. Emma has gotten around her IP ban in the past by posting from locations other than home during school breaks, and last week was a school break. I assumed Emma was staying with someone who lives in Queens. But I decided it wasn't Emma, because there was no politics. Emma could never resist baiting liberals, and I've seen none of that with Pam. I expect to see Pam posting again tonight.

Undertoad · 04-25-2011, 10:37 AM

Wolf taught us about Borderline Personality Disorder a while back. Bold mine:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...et/index.shtml

Quote:

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.

XAgent · 04-25-2011, 10:41 AM

Wait..

..who are you? Jk. Don't mind me!

wolf · 04-25-2011, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Wolf taught us about Borderline Personality Disorder a while back.

I was working on that assumption from her first post, incidentally.

pensive pam · 04-25-2011, 02:03 PM

Hi. Yet again, you have forced my hand. I am not 'Emma.' But I have seen all comparisions. I do not talk politics or religeon...as Mr. Glatt stated. It is not me. What I meant by 'not a lot of time?' If i do not find a job this week, I will be foreced to move back home...

That has nothing to do with school break. I graduated college already. I am unemployed and on 'permanent break.'...or so it appears. I have been honest about my sitauation...have I not???

I do get upset by the comments, and at times have wine and go into a fit of rage... I do not know what else to say at this point...

I know I have a personality disorder! Is that what you want to hear?? Well there, i have just stated that for the record. I do not mean any disrespec tto anyone, nor tihs site. I thank Mr. undertoad for allowing me here. and i thank Glatt for believing the truth about me.

Not, I shall ask some of you to prove to me that this 'Emma' person existed. It is driving me nuts... yet nobody will tell me??

upset, jaded, disallusioned, sad, and very confused right now,
Pam.

jimhelm · 04-25-2011, 02:05 PM

glad you're back,

jim

not just pamming, either

wolf · 04-25-2011, 02:06 PM

Step one: Don't have wine.

Or vodka.

Or weed.

Or other clearly ineffective means of coping.

Stay on your medications, continue in therapy.

Decide what you want. Write it down.

Rewrite it into achievable goals and steps to achieve those goals.

Hang a printed copy somewhere that you will see it multiple times per day.

Implement the steps that you have defined.

infinite monkey · 04-25-2011, 02:17 PM

Pam, I asked you a question that I was serious about, but you never answered it. So...one more try.

You say your 'rents live in a nearby state. I was curious if you and they moved over here at the same time, or were you born here? Or maybe you were adopted? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics.

You've been most entertaining. I don't know your story but would like to know more.

footfootfoot · 04-25-2011, 02:29 PM

I used to miss my parents too. Then a friend told me I wasn't leading them enough...

jimhelm · 04-25-2011, 02:30 PM

and you have to allow for windage

Big Sarge · 04-25-2011, 02:31 PM

Wait a minute. She said her mother died giving birth to her and her father died when she was 16.

04-25-2011, 01:32 AM	#1
pensive pam Banned Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Far away... Posts: 538	Not much time left...and I miss my parents... Congrats to the community. You WIN. I wanted things to be so much different for my life. Today was easter adn i was too ashamed toi call home. ashamed of who i am. Ashamed I could not get the job done. ...so be it...i guess. I know how I am viewed on here. i see what is written. i AM a loser. and am low on food and money. i see what little I have. not much to see. i came here because of someone telling me to. i know i am looked at as a 'troller' person. my circumstances are real... things got out of hand in my life. i wish i could blame the econmy. but i will take the blame. please do not ever say i was not honest about my being. do you know what it is like deciding to spend money on food or medicine .... when yuo can not buy both??? so please do not evr call me a fraud. most of you will never knwo...and i hope you do not ever have to know what it is like - even those on here who tried to destry my soul. yes, i lost the gotham's writer contest. she was better. and yes, i did get banned from cafepharma. i was her on that site. howmuch more can one bare their soul to an anonymous website???? no of you care. so if you do not like what I post then let me be...just let me go. a life of pain. a life of mutilation and regret. Pam.

04-25-2011, 10:41 AM	#7
XAgent Vivacious Vivisectionist Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 36	Wait.. ..who are you? Jk. Don't mind me! __________________ http://www.habamon.com/monster/Jochser Help me raise my Habamon!

04-25-2011, 02:05 PM	#10
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	glad you're back, jim not just pamming, either __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

04-25-2011, 02:06 PM	#11
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Step one: Don't have wine. Or vodka. Or weed. Or other clearly ineffective means of coping. Stay on your medications, continue in therapy. Decide what you want. Write it down. Rewrite it into achievable goals and steps to achieve those goals. Hang a printed copy somewhere that you will see it multiple times per day. Implement the steps that you have defined. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

04-25-2011, 02:29 PM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I used to miss my parents too. Then a friend told me I wasn't leading them enough... __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-25-2011, 07:18 AM	#3
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	PLEASE.

04-25-2011, 10:24 AM	#4
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	Sweeps week over so soon?

04-25-2011, 10:30 AM	#5
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I, like many here, thought it was Emma. Emma has gotten around her IP ban in the past by posting from locations other than home during school breaks, and last week was a school break. I assumed Emma was staying with someone who lives in Queens. But I decided it wasn't Emma, because there was no politics. Emma could never resist baiting liberals, and I've seen none of that with Pam. I expect to see Pam posting again tonight.

04-25-2011, 02:03 PM	#9
pensive pam Banned Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Far away... Posts: 538	Hi. Yet again, you have forced my hand. I am not 'Emma.' But I have seen all comparisions. I do not talk politics or religeon...as Mr. Glatt stated. It is not me. What I meant by 'not a lot of time?' If i do not find a job this week, I will be foreced to move back home... That has nothing to do with school break. I graduated college already. I am unemployed and on 'permanent break.'...or so it appears. I have been honest about my sitauation...have I not??? I do get upset by the comments, and at times have wine and go into a fit of rage... I do not know what else to say at this point... I know I have a personality disorder! Is that what you want to hear?? Well there, i have just stated that for the record. I do not mean any disrespec tto anyone, nor tihs site. I thank Mr. undertoad for allowing me here. and i thank Glatt for believing the truth about me. Not, I shall ask some of you to prove to me that this 'Emma' person existed. It is driving me nuts... yet nobody will tell me?? upset, jaded, disallusioned, sad, and very confused right now, Pam.

04-25-2011, 02:17 PM	#12
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Pam, I asked you a question that I was serious about, but you never answered it. So...one more try. You say your 'rents live in a nearby state. I was curious if you and they moved over here at the same time, or were you born here? Or maybe you were adopted? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics. You've been most entertaining. I don't know your story but would like to know more.

04-25-2011, 02:30 PM	#14
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	and you have to allow for windage __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

04-25-2011, 02:31 PM	#15
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Wait a minute. She said her mother died giving birth to her and her father died when she was 16. __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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