Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 143

barefoot serpent · 10-22-2008, 02:17 PM

It took a long time for it (credit crisis) to thaw and now it's going to take awhile for it to unthaw - GW Bush

Cindy McCain is so icy Eskimos have 150 different words for her. - Jon Stewart (The Daily Show)

Pie · 10-22-2008, 02:56 PM

Aaaaah! Now I remember that video (thanks glatt!) Sorry, SG. That wasn't a translation problem, just my faulty memory.

Now, were did I put my spectacles and hearing aid?

dar512 · 10-22-2008, 03:05 PM

How some dads would have handled it.
.
.

skysidhe · 10-25-2008, 12:14 PM

lol jester! Your poster. What a good find

morethanpretty · 10-26-2008, 12:33 AM

I don't how funny ya'll will find this, but in a time of grief I found it hysterical.

My grandfather died recently without making any pre-arrangements. The difficulty that has made for our family has had my dad tellin us his own plans. He wants his ashes to be sealed in a tin can, then we are to go to his hometown and play a game called Tin-canny-oh in an alley. This is a game like Hide-and-Seek where the "it" person spots a hiding person, calls 'em out, then both "it" and "found" person race to the can. If the found person gets there first, they kick it and yell "tin-canny-oh" and "it" person has to stay it.
At my g-pap's funeral were all cryin our hearts out, even my dad who wasn't close to him (i think he was cryin for my mom and nan more so.) Dad's leans over to me during the tears and whispers "Think about how fun it will be to kick me around in a can."

glatt · 10-27-2008, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

a game called Tin-canny-oh

Kick the can - a great game. Played it a lot as a lad.

Nirvana · 10-27-2008, 07:37 PM

LMAO MTP!

DanaC · 10-26-2008, 07:42 AM

Your Dad sounds wonderful.

Sundae · 10-27-2008, 07:57 AM

I can only hear Kick The Can in Scatman Crother's voice, from Twilight Zone the Movie. I watched that on VHS so often it began to warp

lumberjim · 10-27-2008, 07:15 PM

A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her upper inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.

She responds "It's really cool.

If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean."

Crimson Ghost · 10-27-2008, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her upper inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.

She responds "It's really cool.

If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean."

A blind man walks into a fish market.

He tips his hat and says "Hello, ladies."

xoxoxoBruce · 10-28-2008, 12:27 PM

A beautiful fairy appeared, one day, to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Immigration Office. "My good man" the fairy said, "I've been told to grant you three wishes since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them." The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -PING!- he had brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go." The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three car garage in, on the water with eight bedrooms for my family. I bring them all over here."

-PING!- In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ pit, pool, in an upscale neighbourhood overlooking the bay.

"One more wish", the fairy said waving her wand. "Yes, one more wish, I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes and a baseball cap instead of this turban. I want white skin like the Americans."

-PING!- The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-Shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back, the mansion disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where's my new house!?" The fairy said, "Tough stuff, Mac. Now you are a white American, if you want something you have to work hard, earn the money and get it yourself!"

TheMercenary · 10-27-2008, 07:33 PM

classicman · 10-28-2008, 12:47 PM

Excellent one xoB.

classicman · 10-28-2008, 12:48 PM

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

10-22-2008, 02:17 PM	#1
barefoot serpent go ahead, abbrev. it Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Lawrence, KS Posts: 2,623	It took a long time for it (credit crisis) to thaw and now it's going to take awhile for it to unthaw - GW Bush Cindy McCain is so icy Eskimos have 150 different words for her. - Jon Stewart (The Daily Show) __________________ Chooses rowing vs. wading

10-22-2008, 02:56 PM	#2
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Aaaaah! Now I remember that video (thanks glatt!) Sorry, SG. That wasn't a translation problem, just my faulty memory. Now, were did I put my spectacles and hearing aid? __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

10-22-2008, 03:05 PM	#3
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	How some dads would have handled it. . . Attached Images __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

10-26-2008, 12:33 AM	#5
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	I don't how funny ya'll will find this, but in a time of grief I found it hysterical. My grandfather died recently without making any pre-arrangements. The difficulty that has made for our family has had my dad tellin us his own plans. He wants his ashes to be sealed in a tin can, then we are to go to his hometown and play a game called Tin-canny-oh in an alley. This is a game like Hide-and-Seek where the "it" person spots a hiding person, calls 'em out, then both "it" and "found" person race to the can. If the found person gets there first, they kick it and yell "tin-canny-oh" and "it" person has to stay it. At my g-pap's funeral were all cryin our hearts out, even my dad who wasn't close to him (i think he was cryin for my mom and nan more so.) Dad's leans over to me during the tears and whispers "Think about how fun it will be to kick me around in a can." __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

10-27-2008, 07:37 PM	#7
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	LMAO MTP! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

10-25-2008, 12:14 PM	#4
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	lol jester! Your poster. What a good find

10-26-2008, 07:42 AM	#8
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Your Dad sounds wonderful.

10-27-2008, 07:57 AM	#9
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I can only hear Kick The Can in Scatman Crother's voice, from Twilight Zone the Movie. I watched that on VHS so often it began to warp __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

10-27-2008, 07:15 PM	#10
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her upper inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location. She responds "It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean." __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-28-2008, 12:27 PM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A beautiful fairy appeared, one day, to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Immigration Office. "My good man" the fairy said, "I've been told to grant you three wishes since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children." The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them." The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -PING!- he had brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth! "What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go." The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three car garage in, on the water with eight bedrooms for my family. I bring them all over here." -PING!- In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ pit, pool, in an upscale neighbourhood overlooking the bay. "One more wish", the fairy said waving her wand. "Yes, one more wish, I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes and a baseball cap instead of this turban. I want white skin like the Americans." -PING!- The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-Shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back, the mansion disappeared from the horizon. "What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where's my new house!?" The fairy said, "Tough stuff, Mac. Now you are a white American, if you want something you have to work hard, earn the money and get it yourself!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-27-2008, 07:33 PM	#13
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	__________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

10-28-2008, 12:47 PM	#14
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Excellent one xoB. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-28-2008, 12:48 PM	#15
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.' __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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