Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 173

SteveDallas · 04-10-2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

. . . you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist.

Good.. cause I'm going to need to make an extra appointment with my eye doctor!

xoxoxoBruce · 04-10-2009, 11:38 AM

A Jamaican guy put a sign up in his yard "Boat For Sale".
An English guy driving by sees the sign and pulls over. He says to the Jamaican "I can see a car and a trailer but no boat...?"
The Jamaican says "Yeh man... and dem boat for sale..."

Flint · 04-10-2009, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

- Find the C below. Do not use the cursor to help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you
found the C, now find the 6 below.

9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999969999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3- Now find the N below. It's a Littlemore difficult..

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer's. Congratulations!

The C and the 6 "popped" out at me. The N...I had to use ctrl+F ... I could NOT see it. Can hardly see it when I know where it is.

Shawnee123 · 04-10-2009, 12:08 PM

It took me a lot longer to find the N than the other two: those popped out right away.

lumberjim · 04-10-2009, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

It took me a lot longer to find the N than the other two: those popped out right away.

i narrowed it down to the top row because it is slightly shorter....which becomes evident if you highlight that field of text.

Nirvana · 04-10-2009, 01:47 PM

The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .... "In honor of the Harvest Festival,

YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request???'

The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought

before the Lone Ranger who whispers in

Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with

a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits

he's impressed.

"You have a very fine and loyal horse",

"But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak

to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent

and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief

is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees,

and Silver is brought to

the Lone Ranger's tent..

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

"Listen Very Carefully!!!!"

FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...

I SAID ...

"BRING POSSE"

SteveDallas · 04-10-2009, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

. . . Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back

. . . . . .

. . . . Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

Shouldn't the third time result in a redhead?

Beest · 04-11-2009, 12:16 AM

maybe it's because I'm they are two of my favourite movies, but the timing is spot on also. I had to stop eating chips while I watches lest I choke.

classicman · 04-10-2009, 01:00 PM

The C was the hardest for me.

Now that I have a headache, can I go home early?

Shawnee123 · 04-10-2009, 01:13 PM

Yes you may.

classicman · 04-10-2009, 01:34 PM

Latro all - I'm outta here. Have a happy and blessed holiday - or whatever for the rest of you.

Flint · 04-10-2009, 02:10 PM

lol its his fault he trained the horse to do that

classicman · 04-15-2009, 10:34 AM

This might be a repeat, but I still like it....

Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of
my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought
Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea,
because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea
for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know..

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is
the toilet?

footfootfoot · 04-15-2009, 12:24 PM

One day, a long time ago, there lived a beautiful woman who didn't comlain, nag, or whine.

But that was a long time ago and it was just for one day.

Nirvana · 04-15-2009, 05:26 PM

ROFLMAO @ F3

and

A REDNECK LOVE POEM

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL
MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
***************************
(Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?)

04-10-2009, 11:38 AM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A Jamaican guy put a sign up in his yard "Boat For Sale". An English guy driving by sees the sign and pulls over. He says to the Jamaican "I can see a car and a trailer but no boat...?" The Jamaican says "Yeh man... and dem boat for sale..." __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-10-2009, 12:08 PM	#4
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	It took me a lot longer to find the N than the other two: those popped out right away. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-10-2009, 01:47 PM	#6
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	The Lone Ranger's Last Request The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .... "In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request???' The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request???" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But I will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request ???" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen Very Carefully!!!!" FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID ... "BRING POSSE" __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

04-10-2009, 01:00 PM	#9
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	The C was the hardest for me. Now that I have a headache, can I go home early? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-10-2009, 01:13 PM	#10
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Yes you may. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-11-2009, 12:16 AM	#8
Beest Adapt and Survive Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ann Arbor, Mi Posts: 957	maybe it's because I'm they are two of my favourite movies, but the timing is spot on also. I had to stop eating chips while I watches lest I choke.

04-10-2009, 01:34 PM	#11
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Latro all - I'm outta here. Have a happy and blessed holiday - or whatever for the rest of you. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-10-2009, 02:10 PM	#12
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	lol its his fault he trained the horse to do that __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

04-15-2009, 10:34 AM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	This might be a repeat, but I still like it.... Cup of Tea One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-15-2009, 12:24 PM	#14
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	One day, a long time ago, there lived a beautiful woman who didn't comlain, nag, or whine. But that was a long time ago and it was just for one day. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-15-2009, 05:26 PM	#15
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	ROFLMAO @ F3 and A REDNECK LOVE POEM SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER. SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL. BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.' YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER. BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER. BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY. MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY. *************************** (Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?) __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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