Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 381

BigV · 03-20-2020, 04:20 PM

Squawk · 03-20-2020, 05:34 PM

On the first day of isolation my true love sent to me
A cartridge in an uzi.
On the second day of isolation my true love sent to me
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the third day of isolation my true love sent to me
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fourth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the fifth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the sixth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the seventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eighth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the ninth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the tenth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bix pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the eleventh day of isolation my true love sent to me
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.
On the twelfth day of isolation my true love sent to me
Twelve snipers shooting
Eleven rolls of Andrex
Ten sores a-sleeping
Nine pills a-popping
Eight ways of sneezing
Seven cons a-phishing
Six police arresting
Five chicken wings
Four calling cards
Three bic pens
Two surgical gloves
And a cartridge in an uzi.

footfootfoot · 03-20-2020, 08:30 PM

hmm.

Carruthers · 03-21-2020, 05:56 AM

I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday...

Name: Private Eye.jpg
Views: 472
Size: 105.4 KB

xoxoxoBruce · 03-21-2020, 08:10 AM

From that issue of Private...

Quote:

Keep it up
Laughter is the best medicine – unless of course you have syphilis, in which case it’s penicillin. There are no effective drugs yet for Covid-19 and the best ways to boost your immune system are not the nonsense new age supplements doing the rounds (there’s a $200 magic yoghurt pill you can shove up your arse) but laughter and sex. The second drug my GP surgery ran out of (after paracetamol) was Viagra. The best position for reduced transmission and improved lung function is the wheelbarrow. Just don’t go past your mum’s house. Enjoy your isolation. Look out for others. Try not to fall down the stairs. Don’t get caught in a bog-roll scrum (it’s the ideal breeding-ground for viruses). And remember it’s the simple pleasures, not the big scares, that give purpose and meaning to life. Coronavirus may yet teach us to behave in a kinder, gentler, less consumptive way.

footfootfoot · 03-21-2020, 07:59 AM

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

Griff · 03-21-2020, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

I hate that I do that.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-22-2020, 12:16 AM

Musicians are suffering...

Diaphone Jim · 03-22-2020, 04:48 PM

https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

xoxoxoBruce · 03-24-2020, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diaphone Jim

https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

I love that.

Squawk · 03-23-2020, 02:07 AM

When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me.
They're not laughing now!

Griff · 03-23-2020, 06:27 AM

Classic!

Gravdigr · 03-23-2020, 02:21 PM

NSFW LANGUAGE

BigV · 03-23-2020, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

NSFW LANGUAGE

"I'm just warnin' y'all, Justin's prolly busy right now."

Carruthers · 03-23-2020, 02:21 PM

The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday.
Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine.

My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday.
Kindly address all complaints to him. Thank you.

03-20-2020, 04:20 PM	#1
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	__________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-20-2020, 05:34 PM	#2
Squawk Peoploid Join Date: Aug 2017 Posts: 152	On the first day of isolation my true love sent to me A cartridge in an uzi. On the second day of isolation my true love sent to me Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the third day of isolation my true love sent to me Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the fourth day of isolation my true love sent to me Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the fifth day of isolation my true love sent to me Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the sixth day of isolation my true love sent to me Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the seventh day of isolation my true love sent to me Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the eighth day of isolation my true love sent to me Eight ways of sneezing Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the ninth day of isolation my true love sent to me Nine pills a-popping Eight ways of sneezing Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the tenth day of isolation my true love sent to me Ten sores a-sleeping Nine pills a-popping Eight ways of sneezing Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bix pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the eleventh day of isolation my true love sent to me Eleven rolls of Andrex Ten sores a-sleeping Nine pills a-popping Eight ways of sneezing Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. On the twelfth day of isolation my true love sent to me Twelve snipers shooting Eleven rolls of Andrex Ten sores a-sleeping Nine pills a-popping Eight ways of sneezing Seven cons a-phishing Six police arresting Five chicken wings Four calling cards Three bic pens Two surgical gloves And a cartridge in an uzi. __________________ 'Nothin' seems that weird anymore' Lo-Fidelity Allstars

03-20-2020, 08:30 PM	#3
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	hmm. Attached Images __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

03-21-2020, 05:56 AM	#4
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday... __________________

03-21-2020, 07:59 AM	#6
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

03-22-2020, 12:16 AM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Musicians are suffering... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-22-2020, 04:48 PM	#9
Diaphone Jim Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Northern California Posts: 2,122	https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

03-23-2020, 02:07 AM	#11
Squawk Peoploid Join Date: Aug 2017 Posts: 152	When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me. They're not laughing now! __________________ 'Nothin' seems that weird anymore' Lo-Fidelity Allstars

03-23-2020, 06:27 AM	#12
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Classic! __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-23-2020, 02:21 PM	#13
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	NSFW LANGUAGE __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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