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06-08-2013, 01:50 AM
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Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Post chemo
Sitting here with fuzz for hair
detachable fingernails a body I don't recognize ... A brain that doesn't work words that have no meaning hearing that does not compute ... I or not-I sit here post-chemo, post-surgery, post-surgery, post-surgery, post-surgery, post ... oh, fuck it ... nothing is the same nothing quite computes nothing looks or feels or tastes or smells or sounds the same but staying awake all night staying awake all day staying awake no matter what there is no sleep there is no rest there is no peace there is no beauty there is only an experience to which no one can relate there is only loss there is only pain there is only devaluing why stay awake why try to sleep why try to breathe why
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi 
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06-08-2013, 04:04 AM
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Oh, Ortho, that's brilliant. You're good!
[eta] Mind you, this probably should be in the Creative Expression forum. I'm feeling quite poetically frustrated at the moment. Have been working on three different poems and not one of them have I been able to resolve to my satisfaction. Keep going back to them and footling about and still no clue how to bring them in.
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Last edited by DanaC; 06-08-2013 at 05:03 AM. |
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06-08-2013, 09:46 AM
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#3 |
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Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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True. Maybe a moderator can move it. It needs work for sure; I shouldn't have posted it yet but it was one of those nights.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi
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06-08-2013, 11:02 AM
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I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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Because it's better to stay a wake than to have a wake? |
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06-08-2013, 12:59 PM
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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06-08-2013, 02:58 PM
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#6 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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most of the time when I write poetry it is just the first thing that comes to mind.. and I try to flow with the wind... it's like free style...
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06-08-2013, 03:56 PM
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#7 | |
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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I do stream of consciousness stuff too sometimes. Really therapeutic.
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06-08-2013, 03:58 PM
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We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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But this feels more crafted. I've reread it now half a dozen times. I really like it a lot. It has a deftness to it. Serious but done with a light touch. I love the way the structure breaks down after the first 'does not compute' and the staccato rhythms from the repetitions afterwards. Brilliant.
this line: Quote:
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06-08-2013, 10:03 PM
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#9 |
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Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Thank you, Dana.
 I actually wrote it in one go, late last night when I was distraught. I've been frustrated and/or increasingly nervous over the past two weeks about several issues - memory, my vision, my incredible detaching fingernails, etc. - and when I finally sat down to write something about it, the whole thing just flowed onto the screen. eta I will say it wasn't exactly stream of consciousness - I did want the breaks and changes of rhythm as they are. But it basically came out the way I wanted on the first try, which almost never happens.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi
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06-09-2013, 09:22 AM
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Glutton for Gluttony
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 1,409
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While I'm sorry you've been feeling so upset, this poem really is a gem. I love the rhythms, and that "post-surgery" bit is evocative of the frustrations of having to ensure one procedure after another.
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06-10-2013, 12:13 AM
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#11 |
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Master of the Domain
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 225
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Good one Ortho. You managed that free style thing really well. I end up creating completely mindless word jungle on my attempts. Way to go.
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