Ask the Transperson

[Clodfobble]

Interesting... From the comments:

I read an article about the sex reassignment surgeries in Iran a few years ago. The word does not mean the same thing there as it means here in the west. I'm sure the western style operations are available for the wealthy, but often sex change only means the removal of male genitalia with no hormone treatment. This explains why statistically Iranian surgeons outperform everyone else so massively in this field. Also, the patients are often gay men who are more or less forced to undergo the operation by their families, against their own wishes. Castrated and forced to live as a woman in Iran? A living nightmare if there ever was one.

Hey Dana, there's another chapter for a book in here, about equating "no penis" with "being female."

[Sheldonrs]

Transitioning or not? From the people I know, he is definitely making the transition although he and his family deny it.
To me, I'd have to say I believe Bruce (Jenner) is changing:

[Pamela]

Old news. I've seen her at the meetings but I am not allowed to say anything.

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Old news. I've seen her at the meetings but I am not allowed to say anything.

Not allowed or just don't comment out of respect for her privacy?

Do you still drive semi-truck? How is that working out for you? If you are still driving, what's the biggest change in your routine?

I can't remember if you were pro ccw or not. Pro gun IIRC. Do you carry a piece now? Not a bad idea now days will all these <sarcasm> simpleton right wing Limbaugh/Hannity hate crazies running around.</sarcasm>

Oh, here's another one. Are you more likely to vote Dem now? That sounds funny but I'm curious. I would guess that you're MUCH more likely to lean Dem.

How do you think of your previous life? There must be memories that you still think back on fondly. Or not? All of your experiences could not have been uncomfortable through the years (hopefully not ).

Do you ever get mad and call people fucking assholes? Out loud? When they deserve it.

Do you think about getting married? Do you think about having kids or adopting them? How might you be a better parent than a traditional mother? What might your weakness be in your opinion in raising kids?

Is it easier for you to cry now? Are there specific things that make you cry now that did not previously? During the past year, there have been many times that I'd like to cry just to release but have been unable to. The more intensely sad or difficult that life gets the more detached I become.

I'll try to think of more questions because you're right, this is a great opportunity to ask almost any question and get your honest answer here. Many of the questions are sensitive here so thanks in advance for the answers you choose to give.

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

Not allowed or just don't comment out of respect for her privacy?

We have the rule to protect privacy.

Originally Posted by slang

Do you still drive semi-truck? How is that working out for you? If you are still driving, what's the biggest change in your routine?

Yes I do still drive a semi. It's still working out okay, mostly. There really aren't any major changes in my routine. Nor do I expect there to be any.

Originally Posted by slang

I can't remember if you were pro ccw or not. Pro gun IIRC. Do you carry a piece now? Not a bad idea now days will all these <sarcasm> simpleton right wing Limbaugh/Hannity hate crazies running around.</sarcasm>

I am pro Second Amendment and pro-ccw. Always have been. Always will be. It is against company policy for me to carry a weapon of any kind on the truck. It may or may not be legal in various jurisdictions that I may pass through. At home, I may or may not carry. That will have to be my secret.

Originally Posted by slang

Oh, here's another one. Are you more likely to vote Dem now? That sounds funny but I'm curious. I would guess that you're MUCH more likely to lean Dem.

It's OK. You can ask. You have guessed wrongly however. I do NOT intend to vote Democrat at this time. There are far greater issues at stake in the elections than my own narrow self-interest. I am, however, more likely to support LGBT legislation.

Originally Posted by slang

How do you think of your previous life? There must be memories that you still think back on fondly. Or not? All of your experiences could not have been uncomfortable through the years (hopefully not ).

I think of my male life as a kind of purgatory. Sure, I have some fond memories. Fewer than most, but some. Some of my happiest memories involve childhood prior to "that age" when gender becomes more important. All young children are pretty much the same until, say, five. Until then, boys are taken into the ladies' room by their mothers and no one bats an eye. After that, they have to venture into the men's room, either with a male family member or alone. Gender segregation begins to indoctrinate at that time and my memories get darker and less happy.

Originally Posted by slang

Do you ever get mad and call people fucking assholes? Out loud? When they deserve it.

I have never quite learned to shut the hell up. Gets me into trouble from time to time. I don't shout though. I tend to mutter under my breath. I do go home and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Helps to let it out when no one can hear me.

Originally Posted by slang

Do you think about getting married? Do you think about having kids or adopting them? How might you be a better parent than a traditional mother? What might your weakness be in your opinion in raising kids?

I think about it all the time. My one true regret is not being able to bear children. Adoption is, sadly, unlikely in this political climate. It might be possible for me to marry a single parent and adopt THEIR children, but it's not really likely. The last spouse has pretty much soured me on ever allowing anyone to get that close to me again. I do not trust easily.

Originally Posted by slang

Is it easier for you to cry now? Are there specific things that make you cry now that did not previously? During the past year, there have been many times that I'd like to cry just to release but have been unable to. The more intensely sad or difficult that life gets the more detached I become.

Yes I cry much more easily now. It seems to come naturally. I cry at all kinds of things that never used to affect me at all. Like the big romance scene in Ghost. Makes me cry EVERY time. You can cry. You have simply been trained not to show emotions. As I was.
Let it out! A good cry makes me feel a lot better.

Originally Posted by slang

I'll try to think of more questions because you're right, this is a great opportunity to ask almost any question and get your honest answer here. Many of the questions are sensitive here so thanks in advance for the answers you choose to give.

My pleasure. Those were great questions!

Allow me to explain one other thing which you did not ask.

I have the emotions of a fifteen year-old girl. Everything seems like a huge, dramatic deal. It comes of the higher than normal doses of hormones that I take. I therefore tend to throw hissy fits for nothing and temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. However, I do get to keep my wisdom and sense of propriety, so I usually simmer down to normal again within a few minutes.

I was trained, as I said earlier, not to show emotions. "Boys don't cry" and all that rubbish. So I am somewhat unprepared for all the new and unfamiliar emotions that are now having their way with my psyche. Natal females get to learn to deal with this by following their mother's example and learning on their own throughout adolescence. I didn't get that background. So I am trying to make up for lost time by forcing myself to learn faster than normal. There is some detriment to that, my therapist says. However, real life tends to force such actions anyway. I just don't have the time to go through puberty again!
Especially since once I am post-op, I will get to smash straight into menopause with no intervening years to "season".

We do not call it The Roller Coaster Ride for no reason!

Keep em coming! That was exactly what I had in mind!

Love

Pam

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Pamela

You can cry. You have simply been trained not to show emotions. As I was.

Surely you cry more now because of the hormone treatments, and not because you "allow" yourself permission to cry?

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Surely you cry more now because of the hormone treatments, and not because you "allow" yourself permission to cry?

Don't call her Shirley. :-)

[Sundae]

I was taught not to cry, too.
My only "good" cries come from books, films, adverts etc. Because that was allowed. East End sentimentality, like having a sing-song around the old Joanna.

Now this question will sound really random, but have hormone treatments changed your sense of smell or taste? There is a background to my question; it's something I've heard from women on HRT. But tastes and sense of smell change with age too, so it would be interesting to have your perspective. Just don't say you eat more berries now, or you'll make Dani very cross...

[wolf]

Slang ... Pamela taught me to shoot, in case you were wondering.

[slang]

Originally Posted by wolf

Slang ... Pamela taught me to shoot, in case you were wondering.

That's great. Then both of you are a step ahead of me as I'm not a real shooter, but an enthusiast and amendment supporter.

Sidenote: Did you know that Richman508 died? Heart attack, July4-2012. 53 yo.

Anyway, thanks for the replies Pamela.

Asking the questions that pop into my head is often risky as they may seem offensive or overly personal. Or just stupid.

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I was taught not to cry, too.
My only "good" cries come from books, films, adverts etc. Because that was allowed. East End sentimentality, like having a sing-song around the old Joanna.

Now this question will sound really random, but have hormone treatments changed your sense of smell or taste? There is a background to my question; it's something I've heard from women on HRT. But tastes and sense of smell change with age too, so it would be interesting to have your perspective. Just don't say you eat more berries now, or you'll make Dani very cross...

I honestly cannot say that my senses of smell and taste changed from HRT as much as giving up the cowboy killers almost five years ago. THAT has made me smell and taste so much more!



And I cry more often both because I now have "permission" as well as the change in hormone balance.

[sexobon]

Will the hormones give you woman's intuition?

[Lola Bunny]

Originally Posted by Pamela

I have the emotions of a fifteen year-old girl. Everything seems like a huge, dramatic deal. It comes of the higher than normal doses of hormones that I take. I therefore tend to throw hissy fits for nothing and temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. However, I do get to keep my wisdom and sense of propriety, so I usually simmer down to normal again within a few minutes.

Or a woman on pms.

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Yes I do still drive a semi. It's still working out okay, mostly. There really aren't any major changes in my routine. Nor do I expect there to be any.

A truck driver seems like a great occupation for a transperson. I mean, for the most part you have your own space which seems like a great situation to have.

Would you agree? What other job might be popular with transpersons? How about difficult for same?

An office job of some sort I'd imagine.

Originally Posted by Pamela

It's OK. You can ask. You have guessed wrongly however. I do NOT intend to vote Democrat at this time. There are far greater issues at stake in the elections than my own narrow self-interest. I am, however, more likely to support LGBT legislation.

That's good to know and is surprising.

Originally Posted by Pamela

I have never quite learned to shut the hell up. Gets me into trouble from time to time. I don't shout though. I tend to mutter under my breath. I do go home and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Helps to let it out when no one can hear me.

Shout therapy inside a closed semi cab could be productive. And pretty safe. Another benefit of that job.

[Pamela]

I both agree and disagee. Trucking in general is areally rough occupation. It's more of a lifestyle than an actual job. I think I once did a thread on this subject.

Yes, there are jobs and most employers don't really care as long as you can drive well and safely. Which I can. Howeber, it's also hard in that we don't get home much to see our doctors as often as hey would like, prescription refills are problematic at best and my fellow truckers can sometimes be a tad transphobic, resulting in assaults, name-calling and even truck sabotage. No, I haven't been assaulted or sabotaged, but I *have* been called names.

Some employers will even go so far as to say that they are afraid of upsetting customers and refusing to dispatch us, or so I have heard from my sisters out here, although I have yet to have this problem.

But on th eplus side, I can say that I get lots of time to sing aloud and practice my voice lessons. Girly time is unusual, so I have to skip my monthly pampering session at the spa, my mani/pedi and a few other pleaasures. But, overall, if you need a job and you can get a CDL, this will suffice at least until you are ready for surgery. You can save a lot of money if you don't maintain a residence.


Other popular jobs for us might be nurse/CNA/EMT, office worker, warehouse worker. Really, we can do anything that is required of us. We're just like everyone else, gender aside. Finding and keeping employment, on the other hand, can be an issue. We are vastly un- and under-employed due to transphobia/bias. This is why I always support ENDA, even though we keep being left off at the very end. That legislation has been introduced fifteen times and shot down or lost in committee fifteen times, at both state and federal levels. NY almost passed it this past season. Almost.

Read this for more history on ENDA.

I like my job, but I must say it's not for everyone. Neither is transitioning. As we say among ourselves, "Transition ain't for sissies!" The life I lead is difficult and frustrating. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But there are rewarding moments here and there too.

I have personally saved two beautiful lives by simply listening. That's worth the price of admission right there. I am working on two more. I consider this to be my mission in life and one day I would love to go to college and earn a psych degree so I can better help my brothers and sisters.

I will also say that the EEOC has been consistently interpreting Title VII to include gender protections and has won several cases, establishing that as precedent. But it's not the same as explicit law.

One of the reasons ENDA gets denied is that the Congresscritters claim that Title VII already covers discrimination. However, case law up until recently has shown that it does NOT cover us because we aren't directly mentioned. So there will likely be a need for Congress to pass ENDA just to make it clear that we are not to be discriminated against too. And possibly even a US Supreme Court decision in our favor just to cement the deal.

In the meantime, I am doing everything I can to help the cause. Part of the discrimination is simply misinformation. Take, for example, the recent law in CA that allows TG childred to use the restrooms/locker rooms that correspond to their true gender, rather than their biological gender.

Reactionary right wingers opposed to this have been hysterically predicting that boys would be invading the girls' bathrooms and assaulting them left and right, although this has NEVER happened and likely will not, unless some boy is influenced by his bigot parents or others in his life to do so.

The truth of the matter is, the only way a biologic male gets to use female facilities is if they are truly TG, complete with a note from a trained doctor or therapist who is treating the child that such actions are indeed appropriate. No switching back and forth allowed.

And that's just a part of what we face daily. This is why I am hot on educating and outreach to the straight community. If they knew the truth, it's likely that we would find much more support.

[gets off soapbox]