Just getting more and more angry lately.

[footfootfoot]

Thanks peeps.

Today I am feeling angry and sad when I realize she's spread subtle lies about me with her typical double bind bullshit. I can't go into details because for all I know she reads this forum. I know she hates all my imaginary friends (you) and I'm pretty sure she knows my handle. The inch does at any rate.

I feel on the outside of my own community. I've joined meetup and I'm going to start going to things. I might take ballroom and swing dance classes. There are a lot of hiking /kayak groups as well.

One of the most difficult things is that she has family, where I do not. She's got their support, she tells them her version of the truth and they buy it. I hope I can still salvage my relationship with my BIL because he and I got along well. But I have a narcissistic/borderline personality disorder mother (actual diagnosis) who lost the plot ages ago. She's never even met the mm, and only seen the inch once, a few months after he was born. So yeah, dead to me and likewise, me to her. My sisters are budding narcissists, or at least very self involved, usually only calling me for advice on fixing their houses. So, yeah feeling lonely and alone. Lots of acquaintances, only one or two really close friends. One lives 3 hours away and the other is local but is mad in love with his wife and they hang with themselves a lot, or with other couples.

The other thing is how people have taken sides and how she's managed to manipulate popular opinion. The real irony is that my few local friends are not the type to take sides and they don't really see the non-perfect persona she shows to the world.


She is also now making a fair amount of dosh while I am working on getting signed up for voc rehab while I gut it out doing more construction making shit $. I agreed to waive spousal support from her but now I am feeling WTF? She gets to take the kids on vacations to VA, ME, NJ all over the fucking place and I am not in a position to do that.

I really don't have the skills to deal with the anger effectively but I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday so we'll go over that again. I guess the good news is I am at least feeling something instead of being numb.

My long term plan is to somehow figure out how to get my fucking life on track, become happy and successful and she can stick that up her ass.

Still hating everything.