Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 221

Shawnee123 · 03-03-2010, 02:41 PM

*adjusts glasses*

Excuse me, does this butt make my brain look smart?

Sheldonrs · 03-03-2010, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

*adjusts glasses*

Excuse me, does this butt make my brain look smart?

Brain noser.

spudcon · 03-03-2010, 11:49 PM

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asked the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

SteveDallas · 03-04-2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

*adjusts glasses*

Excuse me, does this butt make my brain look smart?

I'd have to get a closer look.

Shawnee123 · 03-04-2010, 11:00 AM

here:

Spexxvet · 03-04-2010, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

here:

Wow! Superhot!

Shawnee123 · 03-04-2010, 12:08 PM

Yah, I'm quite a catch!

Nirvana · 03-04-2010, 07:46 PM

CHECK YOUR KIDS HOMEWORK

Dear Mrs. Grafton,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Elizabeth Russo

monster · 03-04-2010, 09:57 PM

That handwriting is too advanced for the level of artistry. I call fake.

Nirvana · 03-04-2010, 10:04 PM

I don't know if its fake or not but this is the Humor thread not the Art Forgery Thread!

classicman · 03-05-2010, 08:24 AM

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy . I am very happy with you and I value
you as a good wife . Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you
will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel . Please don't be
upset----I shall be home before midnight

classicman · 03-05-2010, 08:25 AM

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old . I would like to take this opportunity to
remind you that you are also 54 years old . As you know, I am a math
teacher at our local college . I would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
and like your secretary, is 18 years old .
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18 .
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow .

Sheldonrs · 03-05-2010, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Yah, I'm quite a catch!

And who wouldn't want to f**k your brains out? hehehe

Shawnee123 · 03-05-2010, 09:35 AM

Shel, you scamp!

ZenGum · 03-05-2010, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123
Yah, I'm quite a catch!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

And who wouldn't want to f**k your brains out? hehehe

Well, you.

03-03-2010, 02:41 PM	#3301
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	adjusts glasses Excuse me, does this butt make my brain look smart? __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-03-2010, 11:49 PM	#3303
spudcon Beware of potatoes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Upstate NY, USA Posts: 2,078	Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asked the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota." __________________ "I believe that being despised by the despicable is as good as being admired by the admirable."

03-04-2010, 11:00 AM	#3305
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	here: Attached Images __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby Last edited by Shawnee123; 03-04-2010 at 11:03 AM. Reason: different pic

03-04-2010, 12:08 PM	#3307
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Yah, I'm quite a catch! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-04-2010, 07:46 PM	#3308
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	CHECK YOUR KIDS HOMEWORK Dear Mrs. Grafton, I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in. Sincerely, Mrs. Elizabeth Russo Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. Last edited by Nirvana; 03-04-2010 at 07:54 PM.

03-04-2010, 09:57 PM	#3309
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	That handwriting is too advanced for the level of artistry. I call fake. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-04-2010, 10:04 PM	#3310
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	I don't know if its fake or not but this is the Humor thread not the Art Forgery Thread! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

03-05-2010, 08:24 AM	#3311
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy . I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife . Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel . Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-05-2010, 08:25 AM	#3312
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old . I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old . As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college . I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old . As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18 . Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow . __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-05-2010, 09:35 AM	#3314
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Shel, you scamp! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

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