Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 239

Sheldonrs · 09-22-2010, 01:28 PM

http://fieldnotes.msnbc.msn.com/_new...1/from/toolbar

TheMercenary · 09-23-2010, 08:38 AM

Four Religious Truths

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

GunMaster357 · 09-27-2010, 10:53 AM

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

monster · 09-28-2010, 09:02 PM

That should be in the tasteless jokes thread. if it has to be here at all. It's a fucking chain letter for allah's sake. I bet you'd like the emporor's new suit too.

monster · 09-28-2010, 09:35 PM

"This message has been deleted by classicman. Reason: monnie's whining AGAIN "

If you think you're right, have some balls and stick up for yourself. You moved it because you know I'm right. You're a snivelling xenophobic yesman.

classicman · 09-28-2010, 09:43 PM

Oh fuck right on off MONNIE. There was and still is no reason for you to be such a bitch about everything. Ferfuxache.

monster · 09-28-2010, 10:02 PM

Ouch, I'm hurt!

I have to admit, that's the first funny thing you've posted in here for a while

Sheldonrs · 10-14-2010, 02:25 PM

This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run.

Blasphunny:

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2010, 11:40 PM

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer
Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The
Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's
Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in
The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy
Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy
Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember
That you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad
Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer
To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man
Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature
And mine, same number at the top.
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this
Ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir?
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"

monster · 09-28-2010, 10:04 PM

(Oh shit, i'mm'a get banned now.....)

classicman · 09-28-2010, 10:09 PM

one can always have hope and change

monster · 09-28-2010, 10:18 PM

You need change? here, I have a canadian dime and a couple of nickels. Now piss off and bother someone more gullible.

classicman · 09-28-2010, 10:19 PM

you started it ya 40 year old wretch.

Flint · 09-28-2010, 10:20 PM

BAN BOTH OF THESE MOTHERPLUCKERS!!!1

P.S. lol @ Merc's post (Hooters = code speak for the strip club)

classicman · 09-28-2010, 10:23 PM

Ban your ass without your drums.

09-22-2010, 01:28 PM	#1
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	http://fieldnotes.msnbc.msn.com/_new...1/from/toolbar __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

09-23-2010, 08:38 AM	#2
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Four Religious Truths During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

09-27-2010, 10:53 AM	#3
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever." __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

09-28-2010, 09:02 PM	#4
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	That should be in the tasteless jokes thread. if it has to be here at all. It's a fucking chain letter for allah's sake. I bet you'd like the emporor's new suit too. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-28-2010, 09:35 PM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	"This message has been deleted by classicman. Reason: monnie's whining AGAIN " If you think you're right, have some balls and stick up for yourself. You moved it because you know I'm right. You're a snivelling xenophobic yesman. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-28-2010, 09:43 PM	#6
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Oh fuck right on off MONNIE. There was and still is no reason for you to be such a bitch about everything. Ferfuxache. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-28-2010, 10:02 PM	#7
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Ouch, I'm hurt! I have to admit, that's the first funny thing you've posted in here for a while __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-14-2010, 02:25 PM	#8
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run. Blasphunny: Attached Images __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

10-14-2010, 11:40 PM	#9
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember That you're an asshole!" Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?" Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature And mine, same number at the top. Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this Ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir." "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, Sir? "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?" "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

09-28-2010, 10:04 PM	#10
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	(Oh shit, i'mm'a get banned now.....) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-28-2010, 10:09 PM	#11
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	one can always have hope and change __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-28-2010, 10:18 PM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	You need change? here, I have a canadian dime and a couple of nickels. Now piss off and bother someone more gullible. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-28-2010, 10:19 PM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	you started it ya 40 year old wretch. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-28-2010, 10:20 PM	#14
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	BAN BOTH OF THESE MOTHERPLUCKERS!!!1 P.S. lol @ Merc's post (Hooters = code speak for the strip club) __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-28-2010, 10:23 PM	#15
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Ban your ass without your drums. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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