Humor...I Need Humor...

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Thanks Iggy, you saved me the embarrassment.

I am to please... :p

[xoxoxoBruce]

Evolution

[Trilby]

Well, if I was going to loot, I'd certainly try to loot something I don't get everyday.
Betcha they're aren't any cigs around though--all wet!

[plthijinx]

The Kooks of Hazzard

[Cyclefrance]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

From the box last night: I walked past a loaf of bread and thought I saw your name on it - but when I went back it said 'thick cut'.

Translation from the English:
Box = TV (that thing in the corner of the room that you watch most nights and that shows you continuous adverts which are spoiled by the interruptions of programmes and sport )
Last night = yesterday evening (the longish bit that happens when the sun goes down at the end of each day - it's normally very dark)
walked = moved step by step using feet (the two flat sticking-out things at the bottom of the legs)
past = the past of pass (meaning to overtake - not some gulch where the indians wait in ambush)
loaf of bread = the economy size version of the stuff that you use to make sandwiches (the outside part that stops the inside part falling out and making you messy), toast, and bread and butter pudding (an English dessert delicacy)
your name = (hopefully) what your parents used to call you by to distinguish you from your brother/sister (or if an only child something better than 'oi you')
went back= (in this context) returned to have another look
thick cut = a particular size of one slice of bread in a wrapped loaf (see above) that has been cut laterally into a number of individual handy-sized portions - the 'thick cut' is the widest type of slice (ideal for toasting), the other variants being 'thin sliced' (the narrowest, when you don't want to eat much) and 'medium sliced' (the middle size/width and the most comonly used for making sandwiches)

The joke comes from the fact that the person relating the story has mistaken the words 'thick cut' when he/she first sees them on passing by and written on a loaf of bread as reading thick 'see you next Tuesday' (a pleasant way of saying a very rude word I would rather not write as children may be present - by the way if you didn't know that 'see you next Tuesday' meant that extremely naughty four-letter word, then someone has probably been ribbing you for years - and you thought they'd gotten their days mixed up! Well, silly you!!).

On returning to review what he/she thought he/she had seen the story teller realises his/her mistake and that the words were in fact 'thick cut' the type of loaf it was, and not the name (very naught word) that he/she has heard you are called (oh, bollocks, all right then, the word's 'cunt').

So in this last context
Thick= unintelligent, not quick on the uptake, a biscuit short of a packet,
Cu*t = a part of the female anatomy used both in conception and birth, which reminds me:

Girl goes to doctors complaining of stomach pains and sickness.
'I 'm pleased to tell you that you're pregnant' he says after examining her.
'Oh, I wasn't prepared for that - how exactly will I have the baby?'
'Well. my dear it will be much the same way as you conceived it'
'What, you mean in the back of the station wagon with my legs hanging out of the windows?'

There, I bet you're in hysterics now!

[Iggy]

Thanks, but I could have done without the "translation"

Just an explaination would have sufficed, but I understand now.

[Kagen4o4]

see you next tuesday? its much easier to just say cunt. as much as people dont like the word, thats what it is. and from the "how old is everyone" thread, everyone is at a mature age to not go running around a public area saying "cunt! cunt! cunt!....".

its just a word.

[xoxoxoBruce]

'see you next Tuesday'

You mean every Friday before Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends my coworkers have been talking dirty?
Who'da thunk it.

[lumberjim]

have any of you heard the 'procrastination joke' ?

maybe i'll tell it tomorrow or something.

[capnhowdy]

now I know what they meant when they said " he didn't make the cut".....

[Cyclefrance]

Originally Posted by Kagen4o4

see you next tuesday? its much easier to just say cunt. as much as people dont like the word, thats what it is. and from the "how old is everyone" thread, everyone is at a mature age to not go running around a public area saying "cunt! cunt! cunt!....".

its just a word.

Yes, but did you get the joke?

[Kagen4o4]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

Yes, but did you get the joke?

it sounded very funny. i got it in my own little way

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Kagen4o4

its just a word.

No, it's not. Not that one. In 2005, "fuck" is now "just a word."

That other one retains it's power.

[wolf]

Do you know what George Bush's opinion is on Roe v. Wade?

He doesn't really care how people got out of New Orleans.

[Kagen4o4]

cunt is just the new word for "mole" in aus