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Old 03-08-2012, 11:15 AM   #586
footfootfoot
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From http://anti-joke.com/




What happens when you breed a Siberian Tiger with a California Condor?

Nothing. The tiger does eat the condor though and you are found out by a neighbor and charged with animal neglect, animal cruelty, and possession of two endangered species. You are fined $100,000 and go to jail for 5 years during which you are sodomized.


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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:24 AM   #587
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I laughed at this. I think I'm going to Hell.

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Old 03-08-2012, 11:29 AM   #588
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What's worse than being pushed out a 10th story window?

Catching your eye on a nail on the way down.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:29 PM   #589
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What did Helen Keller's parents get her for Christmas?

Nothing, because she couldn't play with anything anyway.




How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They beat her with sticks.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:32 PM   #590
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Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips.
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Old 03-09-2012, 10:33 PM   #591
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Old 03-22-2012, 04:01 PM   #592
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Name:  Capturehahaha.JPG
Views: 1066
Size:  57.7 KB
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
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Old 03-22-2012, 04:25 PM   #593
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ouch.

That is tasteless.
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Old 03-22-2012, 06:39 PM   #594
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
From http://anti-joke.com/

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.
Not funny. I prefer this one :

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple after taking a bite.
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:00 PM   #595
footfootfoot
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May be something lost in translation. The joke you cited is the original joke. Anti-joke is a site where well known jokes are re-told with the usual setup, (what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?) but with an un-funny and un-expected or ironic punchline.

In otherwords it's supposed to be not funny.

What can I say? Remeber we're the people who gave you Jerry Lewis.
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:21 PM   #596
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Reminds me of:

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Old 03-23-2012, 06:26 PM   #597
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My mistake then. I thought it was supposed to be funny.
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Old 03-23-2012, 06:41 PM   #598
footfootfoot
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How about:

Two Corsicans are sleeping in a tree and the one in the lower branches calls up to the one in the upper branches and asks, "Hey, man. Do me a favor; look down here and tell me if my zipper is open."

The one above says, "Leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep."

The first one says again, "Come on, man. Just look down and tell me if my zipper is open."

"No, fuck off; I'm sleeping."

The first one says with resignation, "Fuck it, I'll wait until tomorrow to pee."


I heard that joke in the 18th Arrondissement of Paris, in 1983. I got it, but the impact was lost on me as I really knew nothing at all about Corsicans or how they were perceived by the French.

Sometimes humor is like wine in that it doesn't travel well.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:00 PM   #599
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My favorite joke is the one about the elephant. I've had people look at me with completely vacant expressions on their faces...thinking I'm not done.

I've had people look at me quizzically, then bust out laughing.

I've had people get it right away.

I've had people who think it isn't even remotely funny.

A friend at my defunct club used to make me tell everyone. It's a joke you really need to be in the right frame of mind to tell. But I love telling it, there's a lot of visual to add. He made me tell his wife one time and he told me later she asked him later that evening "is it funny because elephants aren't from india, they're from africa?"

It's just the best joke ever. Well, except for: why did the spider cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken. That is sort of the William Carlos Williams' "Red Wheelbarrow' of jokes, in its simplicity.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:23 PM   #600
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
How about:

Two Corsicans are sleeping in a tree and the one in the lower branches calls up to the one in the upper branches and asks, "Hey, man. Do me a favor; look down here and tell me if my zipper is open."

The one above says, "Leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep."

The first one says again, "Come on, man. Just look down and tell me if my zipper is open."

"No, fuck off; I'm sleeping."

The first one says with resignation, "Fuck it, I'll wait until tomorrow to pee."


I heard that joke in the 18th Arrondissement of Paris, in 1983. I got it, but the impact was lost on me as I really knew nothing at all about Corsicans or how they were perceived by the French.

Sometimes humor is like wine in that it doesn't travel well.
To continental French, Corsicans are renowned for their lazyness, their cheese (really smelly though I've known worse) and their bombs (they want their autonomy)
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