What's upsetting you today?

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

... But I also know that I have an extremely casual attitude towards sex in general...

I'm just finding this out now?

WTF?

What's your general attitude toward casual sex?

[classicman]

^WHS^ funny - that caught my {eye} too.


@Ali. yup that's about the age nowadays. Frightening. I think you covered it pretty well.
This may be one of those situations where a guy's perspective will be better received.
(Insert Dazza here)

[Sundae]

Ali I really wanted to have sex with my boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 16.
We went pretty much all the way there. Unprotected. We were both intelligent, educated and well aware of birth control and how to obtain it, but the sheer rush of hormones at that age is so hard to control. He came from a strict Baptist family, I came from a Catholic one. Neither of our parents ever found out how close we'd come to sex and both would have been appalled. We would have been considered dirty, out of control, bestial.

I can't imagine being on the parental side of the fence. As a 15 yo I thought it natural, wonderful, exciting and the best feeling I had ever experienced. As an adult, wondering whether you are "condoning" something harmful to your child must be agonising.

All I can suggest is keep thinking it through, keep loving him and keep encouraging him to talk, even though that will make him squirm. And for goodness sake encourage him to put one on. Just because this girl is special and right and truthful about protection, not every girl will be. And if he doesn't get in the habit of wearing a condom he's into a statistics game that can have life-changing consequences.

Look at what happened to my niece. She didn't learn first time round and is now going through the baby blues with a vengeance. She's been hit with the clarity hammer; this isn't like grinding away for an exam, where you get a round of applause, a certificate and a nice long rest before starting again. This is now 24/7 responsibility.

He's a good boy and you're a good parent. And very few 15 year old boys behave well to ex girlfriends. Too much testosterone, pride and a certain amount of immaturity (especially as you now know sex was in the mix). You talked to him about it - he'll get through that phase with a woman's perespective on hand. She's obviously forgiven him for that part at least.

Try not to hurt yourself too much over this.

[Griff]

I'm with you Ali. I feel like its too young, but we can't deny reality. Is M's mom going to be rational about this or are the kids going to be pushed into sneaking around?

[ZenGum]

Biologically, they are ready for this.

Psychologically and emotionally ... maybe. But most people do most things without being really ready for them, and survive.

Socially, it would be a boost for him, and I think nowdays for her too - provided it's just one guy.

Legally, they're both underage, but given that they're the same age, the police probably wouldn't do anything.

So, as a non-parent, I wouldn't be too worried about it, provided they are double safe - pill and condoms. Even properly used, condoms have a failure rate.

Better they are doing it in a house where they are safe than some dodgy teen hangout by the old sewage works or whatever.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

Me

::drops trou::

Actually, we don't use em. We're purists tantrists.

FTFY

[jimhelm]

Fix your face

•spoken in to my phone

[fargon]

Originally Posted by Ms. Sexton

Who do I have to blow to get an avatar here?

You can put an avatar on your profile page.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I'm just finding this out now?

WTF?

What's your general attitude toward casual sex?

I've never considered sex to be some sort of sacred physical act, separate from all the other options. As a teen I always figured, it was a straight yes or no answer--if I was willing to kiss you, I was willing to sleep with you. (And no, I was not willing to kiss the vast majority of boys. But for the ones I was, I would have kissed/slept with them on first offer and not thought twice about it.)

But I did learn the hard way that many people don't feel this way. I had one early boyfriend who, in retrospect, I think I probably pushed into it too soon, not by actually pushing but by being so casual about the topic that he may have felt he needed to rise to the challenge (nyuck nyuck nyuck.) Another one had massive insecurities and a significant need for nurturing, and our relationship largely dissolved because I didn't realize I was supposed to be providing that until it was way too late.

Originally Posted by ZenGum

So, as a non-parent, I wouldn't be too worried about it, provided they are double safe - pill and condoms. Even properly used, condoms have a failure rate.

This was my m.o. as a teen--I was on the pill, but I always lied and said I wasn't so that the boys would know they had to use condoms and never try to talk me into skipping them.

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by Sundae

As an adult, wondering whether you are "condoning" something harmful to your child must be agonising.

All I can suggest is keep thinking it through, keep loving him and keep encouraging him to talk, even though that will make him squirm. And for goodness sake encourage him to put one on. Just because this girl is special and right and truthful about protection, not every girl will be. And if he doesn't get in the habit of wearing a condom he's into a statistics game that can have life-changing consequences.

He's a good boy and you're a good parent. And very few 15 year old boys behave well to ex girlfriends. Too much testosterone, pride and a certain amount of immaturity (especially as you now know sex was in the mix). You talked to him about it - he'll get through that phase with a woman's perespective on hand. She's obviously forgiven him for that part at least.

Try not to hurt yourself too much over this.

He's not doing too badly, and now he's got a nasty cold. Not sure if karma had anything to do with that, but it's punishing him. lol He's still talking to me about things, and better than before now it's out in the open, so that's all I can ask for at this stage.

Originally Posted by Griff

I'm with you Ali. I feel like its too young, but we can't deny reality. Is M's mom going to be rational about this or are the kids going to be pushed into sneaking around?

I sent an email to M's Mum explaining my thoughts and letting her know that I'm disappointed in Aden, but that it does take two to tango, so they both bear the burden of responsibility in this. I haven't heard back from her at this stage, and I really have no idea how they're going to manage the situation long term. The kids are a bit lost in the woods too I think. They're not sure what the next move should be so they're biding their time. So far no gun toting fathers though, so that's a good thing.

Originally Posted by ZenGum

Biologically, they are ready for this.

Psychologically and emotionally ... maybe. But most people do most things without being really ready for them, and survive.

Socially, it would be a boost for him, and I think nowdays for her too - provided it's just one guy.

Legally, they're both underage, but given that they're the same age, the police probably wouldn't do anything.

So, as a non-parent, I wouldn't be too worried about it, provided they are double safe - pill and condoms. Even properly used, condoms have a failure rate.

Better they are doing it in a house where they are safe than some dodgy teen hangout by the old sewage works or whatever.

I think the legal age in Qld is 15, and Aden went to some lengths to explain to me that they waited till they were both 15. At least they thought that much through. lol

The challenge I have is not approving of it happening at all, and not wanting to encourage it by providing a 'safe place' for them to have sex. I'm not going to just say, yeah go ahead and do it in my house, but I suppose they will when they think no one's around, and I can't really help that other than to make them stay in the communal areas all the time and be constantly supervised, and honestly, I don't think that sort of behaviour breeds trust or maturity.

I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things all work out.



And now for more good news. Mav has finally found himself a girlfriend, but she's a couple of years older! She's a lovely girl though, and I don't care about the age difference really, but I imagine I'll be dealing with the whole sex issue fairly constantly from now on. *sighs*

I'm too old for this shit!

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I've never considered sex to be some sort of sacred physical act, separate from all the other options. As a teen I always figured, it was a straight yes or no answer--if I was willing to kiss you, I was willing to sleep with you. (And no, I was not willing to kiss the vast majority of boys. But for the ones I was, I would have kissed/slept with them on first offer and not thought twice about it.)

But I did learn the hard way that many people don't feel this way. I had one early boyfriend who, in retrospect, I think I probably pushed into it too soon, not by actually pushing but by being so casual about the topic that he may have felt he needed to rise to the challenge (nyuck nyuck nyuck.) Another one had massive insecurities and a significant need for nurturing, and our relationship largely dissolved because I didn't realize I was supposed to be providing that until it was way too late.



This was my m.o. as a teen--I was on the pill, but I always lied and said I wasn't so that the boys would know they had to use condoms and never try to talk me into skipping them.

Who knew you were such a romantic?

[Clodfobble]

I know, right? And yet for some reason, most of my boyfriends' parents have disliked me. Go figure.

Aden's girlfriend is very pretty, by the way Ali. At least if she did get pregnant they'd make some really good looking babies...

[Aliantha]

Yeah, I guess that's one plus. lol I'd rather not contemplate that idea too much though.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I know, right? And yet for some reason, most of my boyfriends' parents have disliked me.

The fathers knew ... they. just. knew.

[glatt]

Actually, they didn't like it that you were smarter than them.