Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce. - Page 9

lookout123 · 01-11-2006, 09:16 PM

other than me complaining to you all, there is no documented (or documentable) evidence of her being unfit. she has never had legal problems,etc.

WabUfvot5 · 01-12-2006, 12:17 AM

Find out what her sister was diagnosed with and if any others in the family had similar problems. That could be enough to get the ball rolling if an objection was raised in court. If it comes to that (and I hope it doesn't) what have you got to lose?

Trilby · 01-13-2006, 05:23 PM

I am so very sorry, lookout.

Clodfobble · 01-13-2006, 05:34 PM

No one can ever say you didn't give it everything you had and more. I hope the pain starts to go away sooner rather than later.

warch · 01-13-2006, 06:20 PM

lawyer up, get legal help to make it a clean and amicable as possible. protect the kid and his sense of security during the change. protect yourself, too. You deserve an equally loving partner and I have no doubt will find better days. I'm sorry you have to go through this heartbreak, but it sounds like you do.

01-13-2006, 07:09 PM

Very, very sorry, Lookout. Please take care of yourself and the boy. It gets better. Then it gets worse again. Eventually it does get behind you and the sun starts to rise again.

My deepest sympathy.

Beestie · 01-13-2006, 08:50 PM

We are solidly behind you. Draw down as needed.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-13-2006, 09:58 PM

Time heals all non-fatal wounds. Problem is healing is like the days getting longer. You've got to get a long way into it before you notice and even then it's not complete yet. Keep busy with work and the kid, doing what you have to do and "don't stop thinking about tomorrow". It helps, it really does.

Beestie · 01-13-2006, 11:46 PM

At some point, you need to make the difficult but necessary decision to get off the roller coaster. There's two people that need you to stabilize: your son and you.

The sooner you can take ownership of the pain she is causing, the sooner she will cease being in control. If you don't let her make you feel better with her good moods and comforting words then you are similarly not letting her hurt you when she gets cold. It won't hurt any less right away but you'll heal a lot faster because your emotional state won't be linked to hers anymore. Easier to type up than to do, I realize, but necessary nonetheless.

Consult an attorney. Privately. Better to have heavy artillary ready to deploy and not need to use it than to get blindsided with your guard down.

lookout123 · 01-14-2006, 09:50 AM

there is a lesson in here somewhere...

never say "i have everything i have ever wanted"

don't give yourself away so completely that someone else has the power to destroy you.

trust may need a new definition.

oh, there are a bunch more, but they are all BS.

a closed off untrusting life isn't worth living. the truth is that love is real. there are people worthy of trust and love. love is still a verb, not a feeling. unfortunately, the person that i have given everything i am, have, and think to over the last 7 years has decided that it is both and because she doesn't have the feeling, the action isn't worth taking.

i am really fighting bitterness and anger this morning. the good news is that they haven't completely consumed me - because i have this overwhelming wall of sorrow, regret, and just plain old sadness rolling over me like waves.

i can barely look at my son without bursting out in tears. how do i tell him that his universe just ended? he is 4. he is old enough to know what life looks like. he is used to it. he is not old enough to understand that sometimes mommies and daddies become selfish and self-destructive. all he is going to understand is that life as he knows it and loves it just ended. how do you make that a non-devastating effect on a 4 year old. old enough to know what is supposed to be, but not old enough to know that sometimes it just doesn't go that way.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-14-2006, 01:18 PM

Be careful not to project on your son what you think he should feel. Children are much more resilient and accepting than adults, so love him and answer his questions but don’t add your fears to his own.
Good luck, my friend, you’re on your way now.

Undertoad · 01-14-2006, 01:45 PM

My dad died when I was 3. Being fatherless was not a burden as long as Mom didn't say it was. It wasn't the terrible thing it was supposed to be, from my point of view, because it was all I knew. It was normal.

01-14-2006, 03:52 PM

Yeah, don't tell your son that its the end of the world. When I was growing up I had the Momster and then, I had an actual parent who was my Dad. Since my Dad was in the military, I would sometimes be left alone with the Momster for long periods of time. My Dad would take his duty orders in stride (at least when I was around) and this helped. I still blamed the Momster, though, and not the Army for his periodic absences. I figured she wanted the extra cash his hardship pay brought in, and I was actually right. My Dad never said this to me, though. Even when we had to be apart he wrote me almost daily, and I clung to the life line he offered by being the one loving parent in my life. You can do the same for your boy. Fight like a tiger for at least joint custody. Use your anger in a constructive way to help you get past the pain. Anger channeled appropriately can help you fight for what's best for you and your son, rather than giving way to sorrow.

And yes, somewhere out there is a woman who is just going to be delighted to have both you and your son in her life and give you the love you both deserve. Mark my words.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-14-2006, 07:04 PM

Mari, you're probably right. After all he's not that bad looking ....for a bald guy.

zippyt · 01-14-2006, 08:02 PM

Sorry to hear about all this dude , but well i see it from a different point of view , Time to go on the proactive defence stratagy !!!

She is the one going Weird in the head ( sorry ) and acting erraticaly ,
She is the one initiationing ALL this ,
If She wants a change then SHE should do the changeing ,
AS in SHE neede to move out , find her self , find her inner child , or what ever, but basicaly find out just what the FUCK has gone wobbly in her head !!!

You need to protect your son , FIRST and FOREMOST !!!!!!!
He NEEDS a STABLE enviroment to grow up in ,
Think about this , she is slipping , if she slips and falls so bad that the dudes with butterfly nets need to come cart her away , well ,, can you imagem trying to explane THAT to your son ???

Just my thoughts on things .

01-13-2006, 05:23 PM	#3
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I am so very sorry, lookout. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-13-2006, 08:50 PM	#7
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	We are solidly behind you. Draw down as needed. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-13-2006, 09:58 PM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Time heals all non-fatal wounds. Problem is healing is like the days getting longer. You've got to get a long way into it before you notice and even then it's not complete yet. Keep busy with work and the kid, doing what you have to do and "don't stop thinking about tomorrow". It helps, it really does. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-13-2006, 11:46 PM	#9
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	At some point, you need to make the difficult but necessary decision to get off the roller coaster. There's two people that need you to stabilize: your son and you. The sooner you can take ownership of the pain she is causing, the sooner she will cease being in control. If you don't let her make you feel better with her good moods and comforting words then you are similarly not letting her hurt you when she gets cold. It won't hurt any less right away but you'll heal a lot faster because your emotional state won't be linked to hers anymore. Easier to type up than to do, I realize, but necessary nonetheless. Consult an attorney. Privately. Better to have heavy artillary ready to deploy and not need to use it than to get blindsided with your guard down. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-14-2006, 01:18 PM	#11
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Be careful not to project on your son what you think he should feel. Children are much more resilient and accepting than adults, so love him and answer his questions but don’t add your fears to his own. Good luck, my friend, you’re on your way now. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-11-2006, 09:16 PM	#1
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	other than me complaining to you all, there is no documented (or documentable) evidence of her being unfit. she has never had legal problems,etc.

01-12-2006, 12:17 AM	#2
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	Find out what her sister was diagnosed with and if any others in the family had similar problems. That could be enough to get the ball rolling if an objection was raised in court. If it comes to that (and I hope it doesn't) what have you got to lose?

01-13-2006, 05:34 PM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	No one can ever say you didn't give it everything you had and more. I hope the pain starts to go away sooner rather than later.

01-13-2006, 06:20 PM	#5
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	lawyer up, get legal help to make it a clean and amicable as possible. protect the kid and his sense of security during the change. protect yourself, too. You deserve an equally loving partner and I have no doubt will find better days. I'm sorry you have to go through this heartbreak, but it sounds like you do.

01-13-2006, 07:09 PM	#6
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Very, very sorry, Lookout. Please take care of yourself and the boy. It gets better. Then it gets worse again. Eventually it does get behind you and the sun starts to rise again. My deepest sympathy.

01-14-2006, 09:50 AM	#10
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	there is a lesson in here somewhere... never say "i have everything i have ever wanted" don't give yourself away so completely that someone else has the power to destroy you. trust may need a new definition. oh, there are a bunch more, but they are all BS. a closed off untrusting life isn't worth living. the truth is that love is real. there are people worthy of trust and love. love is still a verb, not a feeling. unfortunately, the person that i have given everything i am, have, and think to over the last 7 years has decided that it is both and because she doesn't have the feeling, the action isn't worth taking. i am really fighting bitterness and anger this morning. the good news is that they haven't completely consumed me - because i have this overwhelming wall of sorrow, regret, and just plain old sadness rolling over me like waves. i can barely look at my son without bursting out in tears. how do i tell him that his universe just ended? he is 4. he is old enough to know what life looks like. he is used to it. he is not old enough to understand that sometimes mommies and daddies become selfish and self-destructive. all he is going to understand is that life as he knows it and loves it just ended. how do you make that a non-devastating effect on a 4 year old. old enough to know what is supposed to be, but not old enough to know that sometimes it just doesn't go that way.

01-14-2006, 01:45 PM	#12
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	My dad died when I was 3. Being fatherless was not a burden as long as Mom didn't say it was. It wasn't the terrible thing it was supposed to be, from my point of view, because it was all I knew. It was normal.

01-14-2006, 03:52 PM	#13
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Yeah, don't tell your son that its the end of the world. When I was growing up I had the Momster and then, I had an actual parent who was my Dad. Since my Dad was in the military, I would sometimes be left alone with the Momster for long periods of time. My Dad would take his duty orders in stride (at least when I was around) and this helped. I still blamed the Momster, though, and not the Army for his periodic absences. I figured she wanted the extra cash his hardship pay brought in, and I was actually right. My Dad never said this to me, though. Even when we had to be apart he wrote me almost daily, and I clung to the life line he offered by being the one loving parent in my life. You can do the same for your boy. Fight like a tiger for at least joint custody. Use your anger in a constructive way to help you get past the pain. Anger channeled appropriately can help you fight for what's best for you and your son, rather than giving way to sorrow. And yes, somewhere out there is a woman who is just going to be delighted to have both you and your son in her life and give you the love you both deserve. Mark my words.

01-14-2006, 07:04 PM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Mari, you're probably right. After all he's not that bad looking ....for a bald guy. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-14-2006, 08:02 PM	#15
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Sorry to hear about all this dude , but well i see it from a different point of view , Time to go on the proactive defence stratagy !!! She is the one going Weird in the head ( sorry ) and acting erraticaly , She is the one initiationing ALL this , If She wants a change then SHE should do the changeing , AS in SHE neede to move out , find her self , find her inner child , or what ever, but basicaly find out just what the FUCK has gone wobbly in her head !!! You need to protect your son , FIRST and FOREMOST !!!!!!! He NEEDS a STABLE enviroment to grow up in , Think about this , she is slipping , if she slips and falls so bad that the dudes with butterfly nets need to come cart her away , well ,, can you imagem trying to explane THAT to your son ??? Just my thoughts on things . __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

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