aggressive parents

[thud85]

I don't have kids, but I'll risk coming off as one of those people who criticize what he doesn't understand...

Tonight I was in a restaurant seated next to three children (all under 10, I'd say) and their parents.. Over the course of the 30-40 minutes I was there I saw both parents repeatedly smacking (not slapping...smacking) and violently grabbing the kids. One of the girls was giggling at a face her brother was making at her, and the mother smacked her and said, "Would you stop your giggling? Christ!"
I made eye contact with the mother that time and definitely gave her a "What the FUCK are you doing?" look... and she as much as told me (non-verbally) to mind my own business. So I did...(but what I really wanted to do was take her out back and grind her and her asshole husband's faces against a few rough bricks)

I've been seeing this kind of thing more and more lately... fathers grabbing their kids arms in ways that HAVE to leave bruises, kids looking up at their parents with tears and fear in their eyes... What the hell is some peoples' problem?? I'm a 25-year-old single guy, so having kids is the farthest thing from my mind...but when I see that I want to kidnap every single one of them, buy them an ice cream cone, and give them a hug.

Grinding faces on bricks and kidnapping... maybe I've been watching too much Dexter?

[squirell nutkin]

There are a lot of A hole parents and parents w/o parenting skills running about. All of us have been at the end of our tether at one point or other, but it's all how you handle it.

Not defending that kind of shit, but my kids can be exasperating at times. The times when they are exploring their autonomy and pushing the envelope of what is acceptable.

If and when you become a parent, remember that you want to be a different parent than those asshats.

You know, thud85, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole become a parent

[Flint]

Funny, all I see everywhere I go are permissive parents with shitty-behaved kids who need to be yelled at.

[thud85]

Originally Posted by Flint

Funny, all I see everywhere I go are permissive parents with shitty-behaved kids who need to be yelled at.

There's that too sure... but being too permissive won't leave the kid with fractured bones and shattered self-image.

[thud85]

I like your Bozzio quote btw, Flint

[xoxoxoBruce]

The two extremes are because spiked clubs became politically incorrect, therefore socially unacceptable.

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Flint

Funny, all I see everywhere I go are permissive parents with shitty-behaved kids who need to be yelled at.

It is often the same parents as thud85 describes. They don't have consistent expectations for behavior so the kids are confused and out of control. You see them laughing and supporting the kids awful behavior one time, but then when they're tired or grouchy the smacking starts.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Griff

It is often the same parents as thud85 describes. They don't have consistent expectations for behavior so the kids are confused and out of control. You see them laughing and supporting the kids awful behavior one time, but then when they're tired or grouchy the smacking starts.

This is true.

Proper discipline isn't being a hard ass, it's setting consistent expectations for your kids. Kids actually like to know what the rules are and generally want to obey them. They feel secure when they know where they stand. Sometimes they test the rules, and they actually want to be punished when they break them. It confirms to them that they understood the rule in the first place. The hard part for parents is always enforcing the rules consistently. It's upsetting and difficult for kids when they don't know what the rules are. When behavior is OK one day and not OK the next day. Parents must be consistent.

[BrianR]

Glatt, you could well be discussing dog training!

Sometimes I Ithink that dog training videos should be shown to parents, maybe it would give them a clue.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by BrianR

Glatt, you could well be discussing dog training!

It's not that different, when they're young.

[Madman]

That's sad. I already had two kids at 25. No, it's not sad that I had two kids at 25 - It's sad the parents were trying to be so controling over their kids. From the description, I kind of wonder if they were really their kids. Most kids will eventually submit to their parents physical abuse - unless they're simply used to it.

You're right though. They (the parents) were being assholes.

Kind of a funny story here...

Some time back I was watching my grandsons (ages 4 & 6). Well, I had to take my wheelchair bound mother to the store and I had the boys. I'm a multi-tasker so WTF I thought. Hopped in the car with the boys, drove to mom's, got them out, knocked on the door, opened it and all hell broke loose. Cat ran and hid, mom's face sunk and the boys commenced jumping up and down on her sofa and started a pillow fight. I'l like "Hi Mom! Wanna go to the store?"

So I helped her to the car (she can walk okay) and we went to the store. The boys really weren't too bad. They were pretty excited because #1: Grandpa was watching them and grandpa is cooler than a popsickle. #2: They got to see their great-grandma (even if she wasn't to excited about it) and #3: I gave them cake and ice cream for breakfast so they were pinging from a sugar high. They really weren't too bad at the store. I only got after them once and that was when they started beating on each other in the soda aisle. Other than that their behavior was normal for those two.

Long story short... It all worked out okay. Mom got her groceries, the boys got out and I was getting everything done early so I could have a nice relaxing evening.

Next day: Mom called and asked me what my point was in letting the boys "act out" the way they did. I asked what she meant and she explained they never minded me. I was totally confused then. The boys did everything I told them to do - everything. I asked her to expound and she stated they were running around, fighting & screaming. I told her she just wasn't used to little kids - especially brothers who are so close in age. Then I told her that they were pretty excited because grandpa was watching them and they got to go to the store with their great grandma too (I didn't tell her about the cake & ice cream). However, I did emphasize the point that it's a little tough to push someone around in a wheelchair and watch two little boys at the same time.

Mom... a sweet old lady, but a dedicated drama queen.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Madman

I asked her to expound and she stated they were running around, fighting & screaming. I told her she just wasn't used to little kids - especially brothers who are so close in age.

To me? Not appropriate behaviour for boys that age in a grocery store - or any public place apart from a playground.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Madman

The boys did everything I told them to do - everything.

I have to agree with Sundae, you don't get to pat yourself on the back for kids who follow your instructions when you don't really give them any instructions other than "eat your cake and ice cream." A 4- and 6-year-old are more than capable of understanding the rule that you don't jump on the couch.

But I suspect you already know this, you're just doing that sheepish doting grandparent thing. Because it has to be one or the other: either their behavior is completely acceptable, or "it's a little tough to push someone around in a wheelchair and watch two little boys at the same time." Can't really be both, you see what I'm saying?

[Yznhymr]

The goal is not to screw up your kids the way you were screwed up...which ultimately leads to screwing them up differently than you were...

[monster]

It doesn't sound like ideal parenting or ideal restaurant behaviour, but since becoming a parent, I've learned to be a lot faster to apply the "walking a mile in their shoes" principle before making a judgement.

At least the kids weren't so scared of their parents that they didn't act up at all. Some badly abused kids fly under the radar because they're so scared they are "model children".

At least the parents were aware that a certain standard of behaviour is expected in restaurants

I don't know if you are male or female, Thud, but you openly admit to watching this family and giving the mother the stinkeye. Maybe that was interpreted as your meal being disrupted by the kids' behaviour rather than the parents' behaviour, so the admonishment increased?

Perhaps the kids were being physical with each other under the table or exhibited cues that only their parents can spot that they were about to be physical. Children are strong and wriggly and slippery. You sometimes have to grab them pretty damn hard if you are to prevent them doing something. It hasn't yet left a bruise when I've grabbed mine, but it sometimes feels like it should have.

Or perhaps the parents were violent assholes who should be reported.