I am the magic 8 ball

[smoothmoniker]

I am the magic 8 ball. Ask me anything. I will tell the truth.


Or, if not the truth, something vague and oddly-worded enough that you can take it as support for your own pre-determined opinions.

So ask away! what could possible go wrong!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Am I behind you?

[Nothing But Net]

Michael Jackson: guilty or not?

Please respond before the bought-and-paid-for jury returns the (ha-ha) verdict.

[staceyv]

Will the guy that I added to the "shitty tipper database" on bitterwaitress.com ever do an internet search on his name and find it?

[SteveDallas]

whew I'm not listed.. safe for now!

[OnyxCougar]

a shitty tip is, by my definition, any gratuity under 17% for service which one's peers would judge as adequate or better (eg. orders are correct, on time, special requests are honored, etc.)

Uh, then I'm a shitty tipper. And how exactly does this help a waitress when you don't see their names until they hand over their card?

[smoothmoniker]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Am I behind you?

It is doubtful. Unless you mean emotionally, then I assume that you're behind me 100%

Which is good, because we prophets of the word of the 8 ball need all the support we can get.

[smoothmoniker]

Originally Posted by staceyv

Will the guy that I added to the "shitty tipper database" on bitterwaitress.com ever do an internet search on his name and find it?

He will not. He thinks that he is a fantastic tipper, but that he keeps getting bad service everywhere he goes. He thinks of himself as a 20% tipper, only because of the awful service everywhere, he's never actually left 20% at any time in his life.

But when the great service industry revolt and cultural purge begins in the fall of 2008, he will be the first one thrown into the re-education camps. Viva La Revolucion! Da Me la Dinero!

[smoothmoniker]

Originally Posted by Nothing But Net

Michael Jackson: guilty or not?

Please respond before the bought-and-paid-for jury returns the (ha-ha) verdict.

Guilty.

But he will not be convicted at this trial. The sleezy mom provides reasonable doubt.

MJ will finally receive his cumupance in spring of 2009, when he, OJ Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson all run out of money, and are forced to tour Indian casinos and truck stops performing the motown hits of the early 70's as the trio, "The Wonderfuls."

[perth]

Hey SM, will this thread devolve into yet another pointless "tipping" thread?

[SteveDallas]

Originally Posted by smoothmoniker

MJ will finally receive his cumupance in spring of 2009, when he, OJ Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson all run out of money, and are forced to tour Indian casinos and truck stops performing the motown hits of the early 70's as the trio, "The Wonderfuls."

Dear Magic 8 Ball,

Can you just gouge my eyes out now that I've read that horrible thought?

P.S. Please don't spell "comeuppance" like that.

[smoothmoniker]

Originally Posted by perth

Hey SM, will this thread devolve into yet another pointless "tipping" thread?

It is doubtful.

[smoothmoniker]

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

Dear Magic 8 Ball,

Can you just gouge my eyes out now that I've read that horrible thought?

P.S. Please don't spell "comeuppance" like that.

The magic 8 ball is about peace, openness and pacificsm - the magic 8 ball would never gouge your eyes out.

You will, however lose your eyes in a freak accident while attempting to switch cell phone carriers later this year. I can't give you too much in the way of details, but lets just say, when they ask if you want the option eye guard / pith helmet adaptor for your new phone, spend the extra money steve, spend the extra money.

[Undertoad]

Now that every one of my teeth has been root canalled and/or sealed, should I stick with the extra-expensive dentist I currently use or find one that's cheaper?

[OnyxCougar]

Will my best friend marry the immature idjit that is her fiancee despite all my portestations to the contrary?