Let them eat cake!

[LabRat]

BTW, my hypothesis was that her posts/stories are full of holes because her brain is. (see "moth-eaten") It was a bad joke, sorry.

[DanaC]

I don't think this is a case of Mari bitching about how bad she has it....I think she is extrapolating out from her own experience and her own interaction with others in similar situations to suggest that a great many Americans are needlessly suffering hardship.

Thanks for posting that. I finally have a solid hypothesis regarding the cause of your holier than thou personality.

I don't see a holier than thou personality, I see somebody who has been goaded by nasty comments into making a dig back. We're all human.

mari, when your SSDI did come through, how much did you get, lump sum? For some reason I'm thinking 23,000$ American;

I doubt that. I could be wrong, but from what Mari's said to me in the past about entitlement, it wasn't at that sort of level.

As for her being able to be productive, I think Mari's pretty much covered why she can't hold down the kind of job that utilises her skills many times in the past. Her symptoms are the kind that would severely hamper her ability to maintain employment at anything beyond a fairly basic level; though i hope that her recovery to date gives an indication of further recovery to the point she would be able to resume such work.

Just because she is able to come on here and make a long post, don't extrapolate out from that that her symptoms aren't real and serious. Mari and I have talked this stuff through quite a lot on pm, the stuff she is dealing with is difficult and manifests in a range of symptoms which get in the way of keeping a job, and also make it virtually impossible to do the sort of work she is trained to do.

I am stunned at the lack of compassion being shown to someone who has had their career wrenched away from them and their life almost destroyed by an accident which has caused such severe neurological damage. That she can see this situation in terms not just of how it affects her, but how it relates to the plight of unemployed, severely disabled Americans generally, is testament to her strength of mind. That you see it just in terms of her whining is testament to your blinkered views on life.

Wolf, I expect that lack of compassion from, but Bri, I am surprised by.

[DanaC]

Mari *smiles* take a breath hun. As someone wiser than I once said "Don't let the bastards grind you down".

You know what your problems are. Lots of people on the Cellar care and are interested, don't get wrapped up trying to explain yourself to people who never will, for whatever reason. You'll just end up upset and angry and for what? You won't change their minds and you won't 'win' the argument. The most you could do is upset someone else in return, and who knows what troubles they themselves are operating under.

pm me if you want to chat:P

[Aliantha]

I'm really surprised at some of the responses here.

I suppose everyone gets to a stage where they feel they can't give any more. Maybe that's why some people have been so heartless. That's the only thing I can think of.

I'll share a story with you and hope it helps.

My best friend is very self absorbed. Everything is always about her. She hardly ever considers how her actions might affect someone else till after the fact, and then she cries tears of remorse. Begs for forgiveness and all that stuff.

On the other hand, she is the most generous and loving person you might hope to meet. Sure, she gets insecure sometimes and lashes out at the people around her. Accuses them of not loving her. Tells her husband she wants a divorce and that she's sick of him, accuses him of having affairs on her, then next week she's ready to start a family with him.

How do I feel about all this?

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I get really angry. Sometimes I don't feel very compassionate towards her at all. Sometimes I wish she was just 'normal'.

Unfortunately that's not an option for her. She has schizophrenia. She hears voices. She's vague sometimes. She lives in her own world half the time.

The medication she's on every day of her life keeps her straight most of the time, but she's still pretty flighty and hard work a lot of the time.

Do I feel like life would be easier without her? You bet it would be, but then I'd miss all the fun times we have together. I wouldn't have her to make me smile when I'm down, and I wouldn't know that no matter what, there's a friend in the world who will always be there for me, even if she is a bit crazy.

Some people need more patience than others for reasons that may not be of their own making.

What benefit is there in denigrating them?

Just shut the fuck up if you don't have something constructive to say. You don't know what their life is like.

[LabRat]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

... She has schizophrenia. She hears voices. She's vague sometimes. She lives in her own world half the time...

Which is why, to this point I have never really paid much attention to Mari. I think she's full of BS. Due to Co poisoning or not, I don't care and can't get inside her head to find out what the truth really is.

Keeping your friend in your life despite her problems is your choice Aliantha. I neither condemn or salute you. Ignoring Mari, and those I know like her IRL is mine. I prefer to surround myself with people who, depite the gravest of situations, try to look at the good things they still have going for them and focus on that.

I only have time/space in my life for so many people. I'd rather it be spent with positive ones. Am I a cold heartless bitch? That's for you to decide for yourself, and is entirely your opinion.

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by LabRat

I only have time/space in my life for so many people. I'd rather it be spent with positive ones..

Hence the really positive post.

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by LabRat

Which is why, to this point I have never really paid much attention to Mari. I think she's full of BS. Due to Co poisoning or not, I don't care and can't get inside her head to find out what the truth really is.

Keeping your friend in your life despite her problems is your choice Aliantha. I neither condemn or salute you. Ignoring Mari, and those I know like her IRL is mine. I prefer to surround myself with people who, depite the gravest of situations, try to look at the good things they still have going for them and focus on that.

I only have time/space in my life for so many people. I'd rather it be spent with positive ones. Am I a cold heartless bitch? That's for you to decide for yourself, and is entirely your opinion.

Unlike you I have time for people who're perhaps less fortunate than me, or have a different world view, or have faced different challenges.

Because of this, I'd suggest it's possible I've had a lot more interesting experiences than you may have had...that is of course if what you said is true and you only surround yourself with likeminded people.

If you want to ignore someone on an internet site then go ahead and do so, but don't try and justify your actions with bullshit statements.

Decision pending.

[LabRat]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Unlike you I have time for people who're perhaps less fortunate than me, or have a different world view, or have faced different challenges.

Because of this, I'd suggest it's possible I've had a lot more interesting experiences than you may have had...that is of course if what you said is true and you only surround yourself with likeminded people.

If you want to ignore someone on an internet site then go ahead and do so, but don't try and justify your actions with bullshit statements.

Decision pending.

I did not say I didn't have time for people less fortunate, or have a different world view, or are less fortunate. I said

I prefer to surround myself with people who, depite the gravest of situations, try to look at the good things they still have going for them and focus on that.

I most definately do not surround myself with likeminded people. Why the hell would I practically live here while at work, where there are plenty of like minded people I could be hanging out with in this very building?

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I'm really surprised at some of the responses here.

I suppose everyone gets to a stage where they feel they can't give any more. Maybe that's why some people have been so heartless. That's the only thing I can think of.

I'll share a story with you and hope it helps.

My best friend is very self absorbed. Everything is always about her. She hardly ever considers how her actions might affect someone else till after the fact, and then she cries tears of remorse. Begs for forgiveness and all that stuff.

On the other hand, she is the most generous and loving person you might hope to meet. Sure, she gets insecure sometimes and lashes out at the people around her. Accuses them of not loving her. Tells her husband she wants a divorce and that she's sick of him, accuses him of having affairs on her, then next week she's ready to start a family with him.

How do I feel about all this?

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I get really angry. Sometimes I don't feel very compassionate towards her at all. Sometimes I wish she was just 'normal'.

Unfortunately that's not an option for her. She has schizophrenia. She hears voices. She's vague sometimes. She lives in her own world half the time.

The medication she's on every day of her life keeps her straight most of the time, but she's still pretty flighty and hard work a lot of the time.

Do I feel like life would be easier without her? You bet it would be, but then I'd miss all the fun times we have together. I wouldn't have her to make me smile when I'm down, and I wouldn't know that no matter what, there's a friend in the world who will always be there for me, even if she is a bit crazy.

Some people need more patience than others for reasons that may not be of their own making.

What benefit is there in denigrating them?

Just shut the fuck up if you don't have something constructive to say. You don't know what their life is like.

I am never discussing anything to do with my situation again & asked that my thread be removed. The request was denied and I understand why... I'll just ignore it now. This will be my last post on the subject.
You cannot know another's pain, limitations or how those things interact with their immediate surroundings. Each state, town; even, neighborhood is different. What it is like to sit in a room alone with no contact with new people for five months may make you have a different opinion about the "importance" or "priority" that an Internet connection as you lose your mind from loneliness and pain.
Regardless, you just cannot know, and therefore are talking out of you ass if you throw that stone. If you don't like someone, fine, argue with them...
Other than that, let us have a thread about how each of us spends all of our money and then we can bitch about how much each of us spends on XXX and how much so-&-so does not give... bla, bla, bla... She comes to us, sometimes, because her life is hard, sure, some of that is her doing, guess what, all of our hardships are a tiny fraction of what the world does to us and the rest being how we respond to it...
Perhaps, so many jump on her because we see something of ourselves that we don't like and want to change... but it seems a lot easier to change it by trying to change someone else?
Sorry for the rant and I am not saying that I agree with all she has said and done, I am saying it is not my place to judge her so openly for it without a modicum of support as part of it (I try not to at all, but my expectations are not that high yet on this stage on my Path).
I care for you all, but I am going to take a break for a while talking about my situation.

[DanaC]

Well said Ali.

[DanaC]

I suspect that if Mari had suffered what she'd suffered, but was fortunate enough to have some sort of independant wealth and not be reliant on government assistance, the compassion levels would be much higher.

Edit: Okay, that was possibly a little harsh. Sometimes I lose faith in people when I am reading stuff like this. It makes me tetchy:P

[Aliantha]

Maybe so. I don't really know. Social services are a problem though. Throughout the world as far as I can tell. I remember when my mum was sick and I was caring for her full time which meant no work or study for me, I needed a carers allowance to pay the bills etc. I kept putting off going down to fill out the forms because i was so busy looking after Mum. The bills were piling up and when I did finally go down there, they told me they don't back pay that particular allowance. Mum died two weeks later.

It can be really hard sometimes. Looking from the outside people can never know what it's really like, and every case is different.

[DanaC]

I agree. I know a lot of people who are struggling because of inadequate, over complicated or inflexible social services systems. I have a friend, who was given a pension from the army of about £350 a month, because of that he's been told he can't claim any other assistance, despite being unfit for work. He pays his council tax at the full rate, gets no help with his rent and gets no other reductions or benefits, not even free prescriptions, despite having to take a raft of medication on a daily basis.

There are others even worse off. I don't think any nation has quite got this right.

[Tonchi]

Ladies, why don't you go back a bit further in our archives here and find out how BRIANNA "got where she is today". It might make you wonder, as it does me, why she isn't more empathetic. And after that, ask yourselves why certain people here give Bri her regular doses of approval, support, and wisecracks while all they have for Mari is personal attacks and disparagement. If there is one, here is where you will see the underbelly of The Cellar. That's my opinion, anyway. We can still have opinions, can't we?

I suspect that if Mari had suffered what she'd suffered, but was fortunate enough to have some sort of independant wealth and not be reliant on government assistance, the compassion levels would be much higher.

As it happens, I am one of those people who was so fortunate. Because I had a rather sizable trust fund from my aunt, I survived. In addition to most of my inheritance being gone now, my treatment has cost the insurance companies and SS about a half million dollars over the last 12 years (and it should have been half that but medical care has risen totally beyond all reason). Last year, even with my checks for total disability, my income was minus $25,000. So needless to say, I do not have a problem listening to Mari's saga. And by watching the dynamics of this board whenever Mari's story comes up, I have learned a lot about some of the rest of you too. Now there are 3 more of you who I really like

[DanaC]

Ladies, why don't you go back a bit further in our archives here and find out how BRIANNA "got where she is today". It might make you wonder, as it does me, why she isn't more empathetic. And after that, ask yourselves why certain people here give Bri her regular doses of approval, support, and wisecracks while all they have for Mari is personal attacks and disparagement. If there is one, here is where you will see the underbelly of The Cellar.

That's something that's generally puzzled me for a couple of years.