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#1 |
Abhorrent Aberrant
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 27
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I would like to ask for assistance from this really nice community if I may be so bold.
You see, my partner has very serious anger problems and is desperately looking for guidance. He is in the process of reading books and seeking help, but we both would really like speaking with someone with first hand experience with this problem, that has either dealt with it in the past or working on it. A lot of the books we've picked up have a lot of psychobabble; some things work, and some other don't. The folks that provide guidance are rather patronizing and just offer religious prayer as therapy that really does not work as a solution for us. If you are uncomfortable stating your name, you can always drop me a private message or email, I would absolutely appreciate it; I won't breathe a word! P.S. I hope I didn't post this in the wrong spot, if so, please feel free to relocate it. ![]() |
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#2 |
trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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You'll find plenty of people around here with anger management problems. not so many with a solution though.
![]() I know it's a serious problem you're dealing with, and I hope you haven't come off on the wrong end of his anger although I suspect you have if you're posting here. I wonder why you can't find guidance from people other than those who preach to solve problems? Is his anger connected to substance abuse? If so, there's a simple answer there...although in practice it's not so easy of course. All I can suggest is to keep reading and looking for someone who might be able to help one on one rather than group therapy which often seems to involve prayer. My answer to domestic violence/anger issues has always been to leave, so I can't offer you much useful advice I'm afraid.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
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#3 |
Abhorrent Aberrant
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 27
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With problems like this, a real solution is rare.
His anger mostly is dampening negativity, coupled with very aggressive tones and defensiveness. Starts arguments, shows little to no interest on things, and criticizes it all negatively. I doubt he'd ever win against me if it came to blows, but he mostly just shouts and mocks me. No substance abuse, thankfully. He was a mean smoker and I think it was his way of dealing with his temper. While it is nice to see other people with the same problems, the group therapy basically humiliates you and doesn't bother to give you any real solutions other than "count to 10" or "embrace the anger". It's too soon to leave, he is showing a lot of effort in taking care of his problems. |
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#4 | |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Quote:
![]() Sorry, my solution was to become a hermit, which doesn't do you any good. I really hope you find a solution, and if you do, share it with us. By the way, how old is he?
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#5 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Am I right in thinking your partner is bi-polar? I seem to recall from another thread (thought I may be mixing you up with someone else, in which case my apologies :P)
I'd have thought some kind of one to one counselling might be useful. If he is bi-polar then medication to help manage the symptoms (including anger management) may be appropriate. I'd also suggest maybe seeking out an NLP counsellor (neuro linguistic programming). Probably the best (imo) NLP practitioners are the Sensory Systems counsellors; might be worth seeing if there are any near you. What's great about NLP is it doesn't have that same humiliation factor or retraumatising effect that so much counselling seems to have; it helps you to understand and exert control over how your brain processes information and emotion and is based far more on practical tools than on reliving some past tragedy.
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#6 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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I, too, would recommend a Sensory approach over a Psychological approach. I've never experienced or witnessed its effects on anger management specifically, but I find that it's a much more legitimate form of mental understanding and control. As in, you're not "this way" because of some bullshit repressed memory about your mother, you're feeling these emotions because your brain has settled into inappropriate response pathways, and you need to actively retrain them.
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#7 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Does your partner have a history of depression?
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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#8 |
Master Dwellar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
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A friend of mine at one of my old jobs had some anger issues and didn't know it until it was pointed out to him by a few people.
His solution was to wear a gaudy bracelet, the purpose of which was to remind him everytime he saw it to think about if he needed to check his mood at any given time. It seemed to work for him.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you. |
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#9 |
Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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6000 IU of Vitamin D3 a day and gentle yoga
Namaste
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
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#10 | ||
~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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Quote:
Of course his had to do with substance abuse and I am sorry I cannot be of any help. I wish you the best L.W. Quote:
Of course in little wolf's situation the person having the issues needs to be the one to embrace the method whole- heartedly. |
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#11 |
I'm still a jerk
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
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A good personal therapist is important.
Reducing sources of anger and finding out why something makes one angry understanding the cause helps deal with the problem. One must let go of anger, anger is like a tense muscle a only solution is to let it go. Learning to express anger in constructive civil ways is critical. Not all anger can be gotten rid of so one must know how to deal with the anger will still carry. If all else fails perhaps medication.
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"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering. |
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#12 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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This may have nothing to do with anything. But. I have some problems with anger. I have noticed, since I began tracking my blood sugar, that sometimes I (literally) wake up just steaming mad. Every single time I've thought to check my sugar on these days, it's been low. Well, low for me. Usually 250 and up. On those bad mornings, 90-150.
ETA: Bringing the sugar up, yeah, that don't help.
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![]() These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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#13 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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Gravdigr, have you seen a doctor about your blood sugar? Your ideal count should be 100. Anything over 180 is high. 250 and up is dangerously high.
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#14 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Yeah, yeah, sure, sure...
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![]() These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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#15 | |||||
Abhorrent Aberrant
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 27
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He actually was a hermit because he has always had problems with people; he really wants to get out there and have fun, but he get really upset at people doing stupid things and can't just ignore it and be happy. He is 30 years old, and very introverted. Quote:
We are looking up the NLP and seeing if it's a viable option for us, thank you for telling me. You are right, they just ask him to relive the past and talk to dolls pretending they are the people from his past. It's quite stupid. He is bipolar, but not an extreme one, if it makes sense. He gets depressed but I think he has good reasons to be (not just chemical depression where you are okay and well, but feel really sad and down). Quote:
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Thank you for all the replies, I have a lot more ideas now than when I came around with. But please, if you have an anger problem or dealt with someone with it, let me know, we could really benefit from hearing how you realized you had a problem, how you dealt with it and how you stand with it today. Thank you so much. ![]() |
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