Not much time left...and I miss my parents...

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Pam, I am writing you a reply because I think what I have to say is important. But before you read, I want you know one thing. A lot of what I have to say will sound very mean, but I am only being 100% honest.

The reason why some of us might think you are troll is because your responses are erratic, you are offended very easily and blow things out of proportion, and you post a lot of threads about yourself and then get angry for us talking about you. If you are a really the way you say, than I am sorry for baiting you, but your actions are very suspect so it is hard to take you seriously.

My advice, if you want it, is to stop posting/reading The Cellar. Not because I do not want your input, but because I think it is bad for you. You do not need to do so for forever, but take a break. 6months or a year. You are not alone in this, many dwellers here have had to take a break when they were having mental issues. You have admitted to having mental issues, and you are not coping well at this time. Thats normal, you are under a lot of stress. That being said, it is hard enough to judge a person's true intent in real life, it is 50times harder to judge their intent on the internet when you do not have body, face or voice cues to help you discern their meaning. Therefor, I think you should take a break from online interacting. I think you are having a hard time understanding people's intent, and online you need to have the ability to stay calm and rational. At this time, you are struggling with that and you need to time to gain mental stability. Again, many of the posters here have had the same exact issue and had to take a break. You are not the only one.

Next, if your parents are good people, and able to help you out, then forget the job in NY and move back in with them. I, myself, have had to move back to my parents more than once due to medical issues. There is no shame in that. If living with them will help you have less stress, then do it. You need to focus on your mental health and do whatever it takes. Mental diseases are extremely difficult to control, it takes time, and most people do not understand them very well. Give the medicine time to work, almost all meds I've used for depression took months to a year to be truly effective, even meds for other diseases like Rheumatoid Arthritis can take a long time to work well. Do not give up on the meds, take them!

Last, STOP DRINKING! The type of meds you are probably on do not work well with alcohol. If you truly want to get better, do not drink alcohol at all.


Again, I know this will probably upset you, but believe it or not, I mean it to help you. Concentrate on getting better, take a break from online interaction. I wish you the best.

Please take time to really think about my message. Even take it in to your therapist if you have to and see what their opinion is if need be.

Dear Morethanpretty: No, I am not mad. (spell checker is working on my computer) so this message will be perfect. I can sense your honesty. Quiting is not best for me - as it will be defeated. I really do not have any place to release my feelings. I have few friends. I wish I could roam around the city more, but I have to apply for jobs online. Everything is online...

Perhaps, you will admit. People have been less than kind to me on here ... with a few exceptions. I just , I do not know. I see what people are saying. I was on other chatting boards, and then the same thing happened. And I was made out to be the bad person...

Getting 'banned' does hurt. There was never a reason given. But I am happy here. No other chat board wants me. my thoughts are a bit scattered. I apologize. I need a job.

It is amazing how people can be so cruel. I once saw a girl fall of the train platform. and a total stranger risked his life to save her from the train. i thought, perhaps, strangers are sometimes more willing to help...than friends. so that is why i am here...

I do feel bad for saying 'goodbye.' I just want to feel needed as everyone else. I know I have problems. But if people would simply look beyond what I post, they would see I am kind...

Much love (and hope the spell checking on my machine worked.)
Pam.

[DanaC]

The thing is Pam, it is very difficult to 'look behind the posts' when posts are all we have to go on *smiles*

If you don't want to take a break from online interaction then you need to try and dial that interaction back a little. Online communities are just collections of people, they cannot be relied upon to react and respond in the way you want them to. Coming on 'too strong' and too fast can put people on their guard.

If you want to be a real part of this community we need to know more about you than your problems. We need to 'see' you as a person. Starting a bunch of threads that throw the spotlight onto you doesn't help us see you it just turns you into a performance. General interaction accross the board with involvement in different threads would probably allow people to get to know you a little better. It would also help you get to know us a little better.

You're right that some of us have been a little unkind, myself included. But the truth is that was only ever about you for the first day, after that the joke itself became a 'meme'. We are a community, therefore we are subject to trends and fashions, in-jokes and running jokes, factions and fomentation.

This means that if a joke hits, it will likely get picked up on by others and before you know it everyone is making the same joke all over the Cellar. This happens all the time. It's not usually at the expense of a member though.

As to why we would be suspicious of you: there are some people who enjoy causing trouble by presenting a fake persona and persuading others to buy into that persona. Starring Emma was a particularly extreme example of that and she has returned on more than one occasion with a different name and a new identity each time. One of the characteristic features of her approach was to blitz the Cellar with loads of new threads. Another was extensive use of private messages.

This is probably the main reason many of us thought you might be a 'troll', because some aspects of your entrance to the community felt very similar.

Since you are apparently sticking around, maybe let us see a little of you engaging with us on our terms. That is to say, involving yourself in other threads and maybe letting us get a glimpse of your likes and dislikes, your favourite movies, what you might be eating for dinner, or whether you like animals. But not by starting a new thread for these things. The Cellar is full of long running threads, some of whihc have been active for years, in which we get to know odd stuff about each other. It's the inconsequential details and thoughts on politics or the best place to go camping, or how that latest interview went that allow us all to get to know each other.

But like any friendship, these things take time to build. You cannot just magic up instant friendship and comfort with people who are essentially strangers. Nor can you blitz them with every detail and expect that this will suffice. These things take time to build and that's ok. There's fun in the building.

*smiles*

Take a chill pill m'dear. And don't take our teasing to heart. Chances are it's not based on anything you've actually done wrong, but rather that something you've done or said has sparked amusement and set off a 'meme' without you realising.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by DanaC

The thing is Pam, it is very difficult to 'look behind the posts' when posts are all we have to go on *smiles*

If you don't want to take a break from online interaction then you need to try and dial that interaction back a little. Online communities are just collections of people, they cannot be relied upon to react and respond in the way you want them to. Coming on 'too strong' and too fast can put people on their guard.

If you want to be a real part of this community we need to know more about you than your problems. We need to 'see' you as a person. Starting a bunch of threads that throw the spotlight onto you doesn't help us see you it just turns you into a performance. General interaction accross the board with involvement in different threads would probably allow people to get to know you a little better. It would also help you get to know us a little better.

You're right that some of us have been a little unkind, myself included. But the truth is that was only ever about you for the first day, after that the joke itself became a 'meme'. We are a community, therefore we are subject to trends and fashions, in-jokes and running jokes, factions and fomentation.

This means that if a joke hits, it will likely get picked up on by others and before you know it everyone is making the same joke all over the Cellar. This happens all the time. It's not usually at the expense of a member though.

As to why we would be suspicious of you: there are some people who enjoy causing trouble by presenting a fake persona and persuading others to buy into that persona. Starring Emma was a particularly extreme example of that and she has returned on more than one occasion with a different name and a new identity each time. One of the characteristic features of her approach was to blitz the Cellar with loads of new threads. Another was extensive use of private messages.

This is probably the main reason many of us thought you might be a 'troll', because some aspects of your entrance to the community felt very similar.

Since you are apparently sticking around, maybe let us see a little of you engaging with us on our terms. That is to say, involving yourself in other threads and maybe letting us get a glimpse of your likes and dislikes, your favourite movies, what you might be eating for dinner, or whether you like animals. But not by starting a new thread for these things. The Cellar is full of long running threads, some of whihc have been active for years, in which we get to know odd stuff about each other. It's the inconsequential details and thoughts on politics or the best place to go camping, or how that latest interview went that allow us all to get to know each other.

But like any friendship, these things take time to build. You cannot just magic up instant friendship and comfort with people who are essentially strangers. Nor can you blitz them with every detail and expect that this will suffice. These things take time to build and that's ok. There's fun in the building.

*smiles*

Take a chill pill m'dear. And don't take our teasing to heart. Chances are it's not based on anything you've actually done wrong, but rather that something you've done or said has sparked amusement and set off a 'meme' without you realising.

thank you. spell check not is not wrking. sorry.
Ok, where to begina?? I do not know what 'meme' means. At times, I have seen others post about it. I did not mean to start more 'threads.' the other threads of mine got too long to read, so I wanted to start fressh. that is all. I did not mean to come on too fast as you say. I have posted on other threads, but there is nobody response. none at all...so how does that leave me???

I have ask about this 'emma' person' you speak of. rest assured i am not her. Mr. undertaod has my IP address. It will either present itself as Woodhaven or Jamaica Queens. i live in a rented room on
94th street. anyone is more than free to ask him.

on other threads there is 0 response. and now people have forced me into some typo of competition with 'emma.' i saw that post. why is the need for that??? i do not wish to 'win' anything.

I hope for peace, and a good happy family hear. that is all...
thank you...time for wine...
Pam.

[jimhelm]

I appreciate the intentions that you and mortie have, Dana, but why does she have to change to fit in? I think she fits in as is. She's not ruining anyone's day as far as I can tell, and the lulz seems to be never-ending.

I think she's done a fine job of stirring up things here. And they clearly needed stirring.

I say, keep being a basket case, Pam, if that's who you truly are. Don't change a thing.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

I appreciate the intentions that you and mortie have, Dana, but why does she have to change to fit in? I think she fits in as is. She's not ruining anyone's day as far as I can tell, and the lulz seems to be never-ending.

I think she's done a fine job of stirring up things here. And they clearly needed stirring.

I say, keep being a basket case, Pam, if that's who you truly are. Don't change a thing.

I'd be more than happy with that if I didn't think she was being upset. The lulz stop being so hearty if we're dealing with real mental illness.


The lass keeps asking why people are being 'mean' to her.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I'd be more than happy with that if I didn't think she was being upset. The lulz stop being so hearty if we're dealing with real mental illness.


The lass keeps asking why people are being 'mean' to her.

because she knows that will elicit a response from you. She is a completely full of shit troll who has your number.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

because she knows that will elicit a response from you. She is a completely full of shit troll who has your number.

I was absolutely of that opinion until yesterday. I have now reverted to my earlier position (and my default position) of reserving judgement and working on an assumption that she is genuine. Just safer that way.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I was absolutely of that opinion until yesterday. I have now reverted to my earlier position (and my default position) of reserving judgement and working on an assumption that she is genuine. Just safer that way.

THANK YOU DANAC!!! i do not understandd what is so hard to believe. i will be validated on here. i want to share somtihng with you. I will go first. I chose my user name for 2 reasons. My real name is Pam. One of my psychiatrist said I am always 'pensive.' I had to look that word up. and it describes me perfect!! so i choose that name. i never saw that word before i was told of it...!!!
would you like to share anything back with me??
Love,
Pam.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I was absolutely of that opinion until yesterday. I have now reverted to my earlier position (and my default position) of reserving judgement and working on an assumption that she is genuine. Just safer that way.

what happened yesterday? Did she prove she was deaf and her boyfriend pushed her around? I'm asking since I've put her on ignore since day one.

[jimhelm]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

because she knows that will elicit a response from you. She is a completely full of shit troll who has your number.

I like being rick rolled, too.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

I like being rick rolled, too.

Gleek plick

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I'd be more than happy with that if I didn't think she was being upset. The lulz stop being so hearty if we're dealing with real mental illness.


The lass keeps asking why people are being 'mean' to her.

I am mentally ill. i admitted that. everyone is to some extent...and if you d not believe me... then you are sicker than me. no offense. as i do like u. i have stated that. one of my psychiatrist (I have a team of 3) is cheating of his wife. he is sicker for doing that and being medical professional.

I enjoy your posts,
Pam.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

I appreciate the intentions that you and mortie have, Dana, but why does she have to change to fit in? I think she fits in as is. She's not ruining anyone's day as far as I can tell, and the lulz seems to be never-ending.

I think she's done a fine job of stirring up things here. And they clearly needed stirring.

I say, keep being a basket case, Pam, if that's who you truly are. Don't change a thing.

I agree now with you. Why must i change?? i could not evenn if i wanted to ... i do not wish to 'strir up' issues here. i respect this site and mr. undertoad. i would never do such. i was on another site, which was not as good as here. this site is the BEST. I am me. a complex pile of cells...like us all. thank you for ur support...Pam.

[jimhelm]

[DanaC]

lol