Humor...I Need Humor...

[SteveDallas]

When I heard it, it was the greatest violinist, Jascha Heifitz, Fritz Kreisler, and Isaac Stern.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Who was it written too?

[Pete Zicato]

Buddy Rich could be hard on his bandmates.

A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"

Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.

A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"

"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.

Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.

She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.

Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.

Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"

The horn player admitted, "I just love hearing you say it."

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Who was it written too?

Jack Benny?

[SteveDallas]

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

When I heard it, it was the greatest violinist, Jascha Heifitz, Fritz Kreisler, and Isaac Stern.

I can't remember. It was decades ago.

[xoxoxoBruce]

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire engine with lights flashing and a wailing siren at full blast zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat next to the driver of the fire engine was a Dalmatian.
The children, never having seen a dog in a fire engine before, started to discuss what the dog might be for.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
Several more ideas were put forward and an animated discussion soon ensued when a little girl who had sat quietly throughout the discussion and deep in thought finally brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

[Nirvana]

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern,
Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile,
Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Mom fainted.

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern,
Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile,
Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Mom fainted.

Ahhh, INTO the mouths of babes.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern,
Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile,
Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Mom fainted.

[toranokaze]

This is not a music thread

[Flint]

Now that's funny.

[xoxoxoBruce]

A man robs a bank and takes hostages.
He asks the first hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"
The hostage answers "Yes". The robber promptly shoots him in the head.
Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".




The blonde screams into the phone, "Hurry, come quick, my house is on fire!"
The fire chief says, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"
The blonde says, "Duh, use the Red Truck."

[TheMercenary]

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an
airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is
it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?' To which
the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation and tasted a ham sandwich..' The priest nodded in
understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,
'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you
remain celibate?' The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still
very much a part of our faith.' The rabbi then asked him,
'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the
flesh?' The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occason I
was weak and broke with my faith.' The rabbi nodded
understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about
five minutes.
Finally,the rabbi said, 'Beats the shit out of a ham
sandwich, doesn't it?'

[classicman]

Bwaaaahahahahah

[monster]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an
airplane...'

oh come on...... a little repetition is inevitable, but a quick and simple search shows that at least classicman and crimson ghost have already posted this one in this thread. Is it a right-wing christian right of passage that you must tell this joke?