Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 309

BigV · 01-24-2013, 10:32 AM

*shaggy* dog story? I see what you did t hair.

Chocolatl · 01-24-2013, 04:20 PM

I got the quality part, but thought "surely there must be something else I'm missing."

so... the joke was just that bad?

xoxoxoBruce · 01-24-2013, 04:25 PM

Maybe the joke is Shakespeare in Australia.

Just kidding ladies, I'll give ya a big kiss down-under.

footfootfoot · 01-24-2013, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

I got the quality part, but thought "surely there must be something else I'm missing."

so... the joke was just that bad?

Imagine how bad it would have been if it were the original, 15 minute long,'shaggy dog' version.

Pete Zicato · 01-24-2013, 10:37 PM

That's how I heard it. Short and sweet. All things considered, I guess I'm glad I didn't have to sit through the long version.

The real question is: if the quality of mercy is not strained, how do you get the lumps out?

footfootfoot · 01-24-2013, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato

That's how I heard it. Short and sweet. All things considered, I guess I'm glad I didn't have to sit through the long version.

The real question is: if the quality of mercy is not strained, how do you get the lumps out?

ahh, there's the rub...

Gravdigr · 01-26-2013, 02:01 PM

Gravdigr · 01-28-2013, 04:11 PM

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell y'all that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Bubba, my next-door-neighbor Cooter and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.

Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

“Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."

Gravdigr · 01-28-2013, 05:00 PM

Name: 10118.jpg
Views: 584
Size: 97.5 KB

infinite monkey · 02-04-2013, 10:39 AM

omg gtown. I had to look up the movie Gummo (for Ohio) and it's about Xenia OH (quote: Xenia, Ohio, is a small poor and boring city that never fully recovered after a tornado in the 1970s.)

Of course, I remember the tornado (I was in elementary school...way north of Xenia but it was a BIG DEAL.) So I have to find the movie.

(sung to the tune of the song from Evita, I heard this from my sis-in-law):

Don't cry for me I'm from Xenia...

jimhelm · 02-04-2013, 12:42 PM

are there a lot of foreigners in that town?

infinite monkey · 02-04-2013, 12:49 PM

Not that I know of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikipedia

The name of the new village was chosen in typically democratic fashion. Vance called a town meeting to discuss possible names. The committee had considered several suggestions without reaching any decision. Then the Rev. Robert Armstrong proposed the name "Xenia," meaning "hospitality" in Greek, because of the fine hospitality extended to him in this friendly community. When a tie developed, Laticia Davis, wife of Owen Davis, was invited to cast the deciding ballot. She voted for "Xenia."

jimhelm · 02-04-2013, 12:52 PM

well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??!

infinite monkey · 02-05-2013, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimhelm

well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??!

Why yes. Yes they do.

footfootfoot · 02-05-2013, 10:21 AM

Infi, I thought you said you quit smoking cigs.

01-24-2013, 10:32 AM	#1
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	shaggy dog story? I see what you did t hair. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

01-24-2013, 04:25 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Maybe the joke is Shakespeare in Australia. Just kidding ladies, I'll give ya a big kiss down-under. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-24-2013, 10:37 PM	#5
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	That's how I heard it. Short and sweet. All things considered, I guess I'm glad I didn't have to sit through the long version. The real question is: if the quality of mercy is not strained, how do you get the lumps out? __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

01-26-2013, 02:01 PM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-28-2013, 04:11 PM	#8
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell y'all that we are officially declaring war on y'all!" "Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Bubba, my next-door-neighbor Cooter and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store. Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?" “Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners." __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-24-2013, 04:20 PM	#2
Chocolatl Glutton for Gluttony Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 1,409	I got the quality part, but thought "surely there must be something else I'm missing." so... the joke was just that bad?

01-28-2013, 05:00 PM	#9
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

02-04-2013, 10:39 AM	#10
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	omg gtown. I had to look up the movie Gummo (for Ohio) and it's about Xenia OH (quote: Xenia, Ohio, is a small poor and boring city that never fully recovered after a tornado in the 1970s.) Of course, I remember the tornado (I was in elementary school...way north of Xenia but it was a BIG DEAL.) So I have to find the movie. (sung to the tune of the song from Evita, I heard this from my sis-in-law): Don't cry for me I'm from Xenia...

02-04-2013, 12:42 PM	#11
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	are there a lot of foreigners in that town? __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

02-04-2013, 12:52 PM	#13
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	well do they at LEAST have a Warrior Princess??! __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

02-05-2013, 10:21 AM	#15
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Infi, I thought you said you quit smoking cigs. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 5 (0 members and 5 guests)