You RFN, 2012

[Big Sarge]

Ok this is going to sound very creepy. Ibs, I find you "attractive" and that isn't an easy thing to admit

[footfootfoot]

Ibs looks a lot like an old girlfriend of mine.

[Ibby]

Thanks clod and sarge and sundae! and i guess I'll take that as a compliment too, foot! It's still a work in progress, and the lack of clarity in the photo helps soften my features a little more than in real life, but I've found an informed-consent clinic here in town, and I'm going to work on getting hormone replacement therapy asap, which'll soften my features more, and slowly redistribute my fat into a more feminine shape. not to mention make my tits grow.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Thanks clod and sarge and sundae! and i guess I'll take that as a compliment too, foot! It's still a work in progress, and the lack of clarity in the photo helps soften my features a little more than in real life, but I've found an informed-consent clinic here in town, and I'm going to work on getting hormone replacement therapy asap, which'll soften my features more, and slowly redistribute my fat into a more feminine shape. not to mention make my tits grow.

What's the reception at Greenbergs been? I sorta can't really wrap my head around most of the folks there having any idea what you are all about. (I know that's shooting fish in a barrel, but still.)

[Ibby]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Small unsolicited tip: you can get your eyebrows waxed even before you get hormones. It'll change your facial appearance more than you realize.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Or go the whole hog and have 'eyebrow sculpting' done. Same thing with a few extras like trimming and plucking. Might help to get a really nice shape happening.

I haven't worked up the nerve to even get a more feminine haircut yet, let alone get my eyebrows done. I know I need it. It's just a matter of working myself up to it.

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

What's the reception at Greenbergs been? I sorta can't really wrap my head around most of the folks there having any idea what you are all about. (I know that's shooting fish in a barrel, but still.)

I moved to Burlington in January. I was never out at Greenberg's. I didn't - can't - really hide my flamboyance or, well, fagginess, but it went mostly un-acknowledged, if it was noticed much at all. But I definitely gave nothing by way of alternate gender presentation at work. Until I came up here - where I'm passing (attempting to pass) full time - it was strictly an after-hours, closeted matter.

edit: that's not quite true. I wore bras and padded my chest a few days at work... but under all the layers and my baggy uniform sweatshirt, nobody could tell, and I certainly didn't volunteer it. I absolutely trust that all my coworkers would have been at the very least grudgingly tolerant, because personal respect, i think, would have trumped misunderstanding or bigotry... but some of the clientele, well, I suspect there would've been complaints. I had to settle for secretly enjoying every "ma'am-sir-ma'am".

I feel like I've been, at risk of sounding hubristic, pretty brave about being out, here in burlington. I've only introduced myself to my roommates as Erika, and I've corrected pronoun issues where they've come up (but not as often as a couple of my roommates have corrected pronoun issues on my behalf to the landlord who doesnt quite get it), and i'm even out in classes, even though of course I had to correct the teachers the first time they took roll. But on the other hand, I'm not brave enough yet to correct cashiers or waiters or, y'know, strangers. On one hand it's not a big deal, why should I care if they think I'm a guy, it doesn't affect how they do their jobs... but on the other, it's important to ME. One of these days I hope my pride and my strength of identity will be enough that I'll stand up for myself better... but in the meantime, the fact that I'm sure the eyebrow-groomers or hair-cutters or whatever would read me as male irrationally scares me enough to make me keep putting it off.

[Clodfobble]

Small unsolicited tip: you can get your eyebrows waxed even before you get hormones. It'll change your facial appearance more than you realize.

[Aliantha]

Or go the whole hog and have 'eyebrow sculpting' done. Same thing with a few extras like trimming and plucking. Might help to get a really nice shape happening.

[Aliantha]

No way Ib. It's totally acceptable for blokey blokes to wax bits of their eyebrows. I do my boys between the brows even, and you couldn't get less gay than them (well you probably could, but you know what I mean). Any salon you go into will be happy to do it for you. Just pick one with lots of funky looking chicks who're probably more used to alternative lifestyle choices.

On the other note, I think lots of things will get a lot easier for you as people get used to seeing the new you. It'll just take a bit of time, but it sounds like it's going pretty well for you so far.

[Lamplighter]

On one hand it's not a big deal, why should I care if they think I'm a guy,
it doesn't affect how they do their jobs... but on the other, it's important to ME.
One of these days I hope my pride and my strength of identity will be enough that I'll stand up for myself better...

Ib, your post shows you are doing just fine. It gives me full confidence in you.

[Ibby]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

No way Ib. It's totally acceptable for blokey blokes to wax bits of their eyebrows. I do my boys between the brows even, and you couldn't get less gay than them (well you probably could, but you know what I mean). Any salon you go into will be happy to do it for you. Just pick one with lots of funky looking chicks who're probably more used to alternative lifestyle choices.

See that's the thing - I know it's completely irrational. It would've been easier for me to get them done before i came out. There's no good reason for it, I'm just... for want of a better word, shy, about actually going.

[classicman]

Ibs ... as an Italian who sported a unibrow for many years.

[Ibby]

I've been agreeing! I know I need to just do it. But that's like telling a reluctant bungee jumper "just do it!" - yes, that's HOW you get it done, but first you have to work up the courage to do it, or turn that part of your brain off. I so far have managed neither.

[limey]

Can you camp it up (still further, if you see what I mean) and simply pretend you are someone else? this looks like a really naff suggestion out there on the screen, given that you are changing your identity and other people's perceptions of you permanently over time, but can you push it right over into full-on acting to just get the waxing done?
Or am I bonkers. Does that simply look like drivel as an idea?

[classicman]

@Ibs - I hear ya.
Didn't mean to offend, just thought a cool T-Shirt might help.

[Ibby]

Originally Posted by limey

Can you camp it up (still further, if you see what I mean) and simply pretend you are someone else? this looks like a really naff suggestion out there on the screen, given that you are changing your identity and other people's perceptions of you permanently over time, but can you push it right over into full-on acting to just get the waxing done?
Or am I bonkers. Does that simply look like drivel as an idea?

If my reluctance came out of being worried about how they perceive me as a person, that might work... I dunno if that sounds like it would work for me, though. Maybe for other people in the same situation.

I do wonder if part of it comes from the fact that acknowledging or "showing" how much work us trans* ladies have to put into feminizing is inherently un-passing and embarrassing. The idea of admitting that my eyebrows aren't naturally femme enough - even though SO MANY other women's aren't either! - is too defeminizing, not in how i'm perceived but in how I feel.

Originally Posted by classicman

@Ibs - I hear ya.
Didn't mean to offend, just thought a cool T-Shirt might help.

Not offended, mate. I know you're trying to help