What is the ethical thing to do? - Page 4

monster · 03-19-2015, 10:34 PM

I think you're off the hook, frankly. I don't feel like you need to "work it out". Especially if you already covered the tow Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Some people just assume that because you can, you should. that isn't always the case.

chrisinhouston · 03-23-2015, 09:34 AM

Ok, this is the final chapter in my story. Saturday was my daughter in law's 38th birthday and we had picked up a card and a gift and my wife texted her son that we were going to stop by and drop the items off and also settle up. He replied that was fine and they were taking the kids to a movie and advised when they would get home. We went over about 4pm and visited while she opened her card and gift. But we never got around to discussing the car, it just didn't seem right as their kids were all about and it seemed more important to congratulate her on her birthday, etc. They were all going out for a celebratory dinner so we said goodbye.

Sunday we caught up with them around 4pm and we sat in the family room making small talk. Finally I was getting tired of this 800lb elephant in the room and suggested we settle up and said something like "So, what do I owe you?"

My stepson sat there and said, "Well, I don't have an opinion on that." He sort of stared off rather then look either of us in the eye.

"Well, how much was the repair?" I asked.

"$1768" he sort of sighed.

I looked at my wife and said, "well you know how to transfer the funds so go ahead and do whatever needs to be done." We then talked a bit about the repair and why it was so expensive. The parts (albeit OEM parts from the Ford Dealer) were not too expensive, like $220 so most of the bill was labor. My stepson reminded his mother of when he was first in the Air Force and transferred to New Jersey and his Toyota Forerunner's water pump went out and it had only cost $400 or so to fix.

We all got up and went outside, the kids both smoke but only do so outside and they each lit up a cigarette. My daughter in law asked what I was doing this coming week and I replied, "not much. I have to take Grannie to the pain management Dr. in the Woodlands on Tuesday and a new Cardiologist on Friday." Seemed appropriate to point out that my 2 big activities once again involved his grandmother. My daughter in law asked how busy I would be in May. I usually know this question will proceed her telling me they need a baby sitter. "I'm available, where are you going?" I asked. She said she had to go to Las Vegas for a work convention and stepson wanted to go, the kids are still in school so I and my wife usually just go live with them for a few days. We finished up by discussing Grannie's 88th birthday next Saturday. My wife has purchased a group gift, new patio furniture for her new apartment and solicited donations from all the grand kids.

We said goodbye and left, all smiles as I was determined not to let the whole in my pocket bother me. My wife and I drove home with a planned stop at the grocery store. She got a text and said out loud, "God, he can be a jerk." "What's up?" I asked. "He says to let him know what isn't covered by the other kids for Grannie's birthday and he will cover it. He also said he still doesn't have an opinion on the car but that he thinks splitting the bill seems a better option" she replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Well it sounds like he does have an opinion after all. If I had know he only wanted half the amount I would not have taken so much out of my IRA! I can't put it back now. Plus there is a tax implication with using those funds" Not completely happy but splitting it is better me paying full price.

My wife agreed and said, "Funny he mentioned the water pump on the old Toyota. I paid for that repair, too. Plus I had bought the car for him before he left."

End of story. We decided to put the rest of the money I pulled into savings for when we go to my daughter's wedding in September in Seattle. In the end I don't really care about the repair or paying for it. I feel like I took the high road. It's water under the bridge as they say. I'm moving on.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-23-2015, 10:16 PM

You've been reassured nothing has changed and not likely it will.

Clodfobble · 03-23-2015, 11:38 PM

"I have no opinion" reeks of, "I still think you should pay for all of it but I've been informed by the lady folk that I will keep that opinion to myself."

DanaC · 03-24-2015, 05:54 AM

yep.

Undertoad · 03-24-2015, 08:17 AM

Well, next time he requests some type of help that requires the use of their vehicle, you know your answer.

"I don't have an opinion on that"

gvidas · 03-24-2015, 09:06 AM

"I have no opinion" in the context of the story, followed by a text expressing his opinion = "I'm not assertive enough to ask you to your face for $890."

But if his opinion was other than 50%, the text would have said so. Everyone's brave in text messages.

Family + money = complicated.

Sounds like the relationship with the little ones is worth it tho.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-24-2015, 03:46 PM

Blame Ford, they produced the car that hid one of the most commonly failed components inside the engine where it becomes a major repair. Call ralph Nader. Demand a recall. Insist on a lemon law buy back.

Or just move on.

Gravdigr · 03-31-2015, 02:58 AM

Sounds like you've handled a tough situation about as well as could be expected, Chris.

03-19-2015, 10:34 PM	#46
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I think you're off the hook, frankly. I don't feel like you need to "work it out". Especially if you already covered the tow Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Some people just assume that because you can, you should. that isn't always the case. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-23-2015, 09:34 AM	#47
chrisinhouston Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Houston TX Posts: 1,857	The final chapter Ok, this is the final chapter in my story. Saturday was my daughter in law's 38th birthday and we had picked up a card and a gift and my wife texted her son that we were going to stop by and drop the items off and also settle up. He replied that was fine and they were taking the kids to a movie and advised when they would get home. We went over about 4pm and visited while she opened her card and gift. But we never got around to discussing the car, it just didn't seem right as their kids were all about and it seemed more important to congratulate her on her birthday, etc. They were all going out for a celebratory dinner so we said goodbye. Sunday we caught up with them around 4pm and we sat in the family room making small talk. Finally I was getting tired of this 800lb elephant in the room and suggested we settle up and said something like "So, what do I owe you?" My stepson sat there and said, "Well, I don't have an opinion on that." He sort of stared off rather then look either of us in the eye. "Well, how much was the repair?" I asked. "$1768" he sort of sighed. I looked at my wife and said, "well you know how to transfer the funds so go ahead and do whatever needs to be done." We then talked a bit about the repair and why it was so expensive. The parts (albeit OEM parts from the Ford Dealer) were not too expensive, like $220 so most of the bill was labor. My stepson reminded his mother of when he was first in the Air Force and transferred to New Jersey and his Toyota Forerunner's water pump went out and it had only cost $400 or so to fix. We all got up and went outside, the kids both smoke but only do so outside and they each lit up a cigarette. My daughter in law asked what I was doing this coming week and I replied, "not much. I have to take Grannie to the pain management Dr. in the Woodlands on Tuesday and a new Cardiologist on Friday." Seemed appropriate to point out that my 2 big activities once again involved his grandmother. My daughter in law asked how busy I would be in May. I usually know this question will proceed her telling me they need a baby sitter. "I'm available, where are you going?" I asked. She said she had to go to Las Vegas for a work convention and stepson wanted to go, the kids are still in school so I and my wife usually just go live with them for a few days. We finished up by discussing Grannie's 88th birthday next Saturday. My wife has purchased a group gift, new patio furniture for her new apartment and solicited donations from all the grand kids. We said goodbye and left, all smiles as I was determined not to let the whole in my pocket bother me. My wife and I drove home with a planned stop at the grocery store. She got a text and said out loud, "God, he can be a jerk." "What's up?" I asked. "He says to let him know what isn't covered by the other kids for Grannie's birthday and he will cover it. He also said he still doesn't have an opinion on the car but that he thinks splitting the bill seems a better option" she replied. I rolled my eyes. "Well it sounds like he does have an opinion after all. If I had know he only wanted half the amount I would not have taken so much out of my IRA! I can't put it back now. Plus there is a tax implication with using those funds" Not completely happy but splitting it is better me paying full price. My wife agreed and said, "Funny he mentioned the water pump on the old Toyota. I paid for that repair, too. Plus I had bought the car for him before he left." End of story. We decided to put the rest of the money I pulled into savings for when we go to my daughter's wedding in September in Seattle. In the end I don't really care about the repair or paying for it. I feel like I took the high road. It's water under the bridge as they say. I'm moving on.

03-23-2015, 10:16 PM	#48
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You've been reassured nothing has changed and not likely it will. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-23-2015, 11:38 PM	#49
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	"I have no opinion" reeks of, "I still think you should pay for all of it but I've been informed by the lady folk that I will keep that opinion to myself." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

03-24-2015, 03:46 PM	#53
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Blame Ford, they produced the car that hid one of the most commonly failed components inside the engine where it becomes a major repair. Call ralph Nader. Demand a recall. Insist on a lemon law buy back. Or just move on. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-24-2015, 08:17 AM	#51
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Well, next time he requests some type of help that requires the use of their vehicle, you know your answer. "I don't have an opinion on that"

03-24-2015, 09:06 AM	#52
gvidas Hoodoo Guru Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 286	"I have no opinion" in the context of the story, followed by a text expressing his opinion = "I'm not assertive enough to ask you to your face for $890." But if his opinion was other than 50%, the text would have said so. Everyone's brave in text messages. Family + money = complicated. Sounds like the relationship with the little ones is worth it tho.

03-31-2015, 02:58 AM	#54
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Sounds like you've handled a tough situation about as well as could be expected, Chris. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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