Tasteless Jokes - Page 11

headsplice · 12-16-2002, 01:51 PM

Quote:

but at least they're minty-fresh.

HAHAHAHA!

j03L10T · 12-17-2002, 02:28 AM

Thugs have hijacked a truck containing a huge shipment of viagra. The police as well as other local authorities are advising citizens of the community to be on the look out for hardened criminals.

j03L10T · 12-17-2002, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf

Ah ... changes in perspective ... I used to enjoy using drunks as playthings for head games cuz they were such easy targets. But I have promised to use these superpowers only on the side of the forces of good (well mostly) so I don't do that anymore.

Now when I deal with someone that drunk, i think of two things ... one, how much extra paperwork I'm going to have to deal with because I had to send some stupid drunken motherfucker to the ER for medical clearance, and two, the relative tranquility, once that paperwork is completed, because said jackass will not be back in my waiting room until long after my shift is over.

Personally I like the Listerine drunks the best. They're just as toasted as the beer/whiskey drunks, but at least they're minty-fresh.

Um, think I'm going to pay more attention to what other people are saying from now on. I know what I actually did, so it's not right for me to have made such a comment. I'm not going to repeat it, I'm actually honored in a strange and unexpected way. Joined at the hip, over and beyond the mountain. It's true, but I apologize for that fucked up comment, I just didn't know and will pay more attention from now on. Please accept my apology for the careless joke, of course I still think the world of you!

wolf · 12-17-2002, 12:39 PM

1. I thought we were done apologizing.

2. j03, I have absolutely no clue what you're apologizing for.

(I thought the viagra joke was funny ...)

j03L10T · 12-17-2002, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf
1. I thought we were done apologizing.

2. j03, I have absolutely no clue what you're apologizing for. (I thought the viagra joke was funny ...)

1. Sorry again. I love making up.

2. Sure wish I could take full credit for that one, caught it on the Letterman show one night long ago.

j03L10T · 12-18-2002, 01:37 PM

Two guys go into a not so very well lit tavern of midevil design. "Bartender", the first one shouts into the darkness. No reply. Once again the first one shouts out for a drink and the bartender doesn't seem to notice. Then the second one says "he's deaf, don't you get it already?". The first one says to the second one, "you are shitting me, right?". "I am absolutely not" says number two and adds "not only that but the moron can't see so the drinks are absolutely on the house and FREE of charge". -Something a little tiny and ignorant monkey once told me.
AHAHAHH.

Good night.

That Guy · 12-18-2002, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by j03L10T
Two guys go into a not so very well litten tavern of midevil design. "Bartender", the first one shouts into the darkness. No reply. Once again the first one shouts out for a drink and the bartender doesn't seem to notice. Then the second one says "he's deaf, don't you get it already?". The first one says to the second one, "you are shitting me, right?". "I am absolutely not" says number two and adds "not only that but the moron can't see so the drinks are absolutely on the house and FREE of charge". -Something a little tiny and ignorant monkey once told me.
AHAHAHH.

Good night.

wtf?

j03L10T · 12-18-2002, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by blowmeetheclown
wtf?

Two wrongs don't make a right but inevitably, everyone pays for what they do. Jacob's ladder, according to theory you make your own hell worse than it ever had to be by misleading others into causing others to suffer much harder than they ever really should have. It's just a joke. Get it?

perth · 12-18-2002, 01:54 PM

seems like a lot of thinking. not sure its funny even then. but i did like the viagra one.

~james

j03L10T · 12-18-2002, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by perth
seems like a lot of thinking. not sure its funny even then. but i did like the viagra one.

~james

Yeah, it took massive amounts of thought considering that I did not write the track "little dolls", but was handed to me on paper once for me to sing. The guy who lip synced it a few times on stage did not write it so yeah- aspirin is a very welcome element in this overly knowledgeable reality at present moment.
-the little doll is YOU? I just dunno and thank heavens for the ever present reality of voice altering headgear during orthodontics (as well as the original vocal recordings of the first few solo abums). I wrote and sang the past three solo albums in 1984, with merely an upper retainer firmly in position.

j03L10T · 12-18-2002, 02:25 PM

I must be the devil since the southern baptists say so, right? Although I volunteered to a david bowie looking mother fucker, I don't recall volunteering to be the 'devil', ever. Don't ever ask me to go to church with you, or why I ever dared jesus to 'come back', after the life of torment I have lived. Mostly in part and way shape and form of a most painful and undetected upon birth, defect. Don't try to define me, I will only embarass you and without at all meaning to. None of you ever knew what you were purposely shitting on through your ignorantely worded euphorisms and immature and not so well informed mis-actions.

But I still maintain in my own usual and hopeless (to you) course of merely wishfull thnking that I might just be able to overlook your own thoughtless ways when it is YOUR turn to have to pretend to be just totally stupid just to insure that everything remains the way you think it should be. If you want to know the answer, whatever you do- don't ask me.

99 44/100% pure · 12-18-2002, 06:30 PM

OK, this one's better in person . . . but here goes:

Joe Sixpack is nursing a brew on a barstool next to some pencil-necked French guy. Pierre, drinking a Mai Tai, periodically (and subtly) sniffs his finger and murmurs to himself "Aaah, Fifi." After he does this a few times, Joe asks Pierre's what's up with the finger-thing?

"Oh, mon ami, I am sorry to disturb you, but I was just with my girlfriend, Fifi, and her lovely scent still lingers on my finger."

Joe says, "Yeah, I know whatcha mean," takes a huge snort of his arm, from the shoulder down to the fingertips and blurts out "Myrtle!"

New to the Cellar but having fun watching the antics. I'm not so sure I should get too close to some of the cages though -- you know what they say about the Jaguars; when they turn their backs to you and lift their tails, it's time to run!

99 44/100% pure

elSicomoro · 12-18-2002, 06:35 PM

Jag, put your tail down and turn around...good boy.

slang · 12-18-2002, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 99 44/100% pure
Joe says, "Yeah, I know whatcha mean," takes a huge snort of his arm, from the shoulder down to the fingertips and blurts out "Myrtle".

Gee. Myrtle's purfume must have been quite strong to leave the scent on his entire arm. He must have leaned up against her right after she applied it.

j03L10T · 12-19-2002, 10:36 AM

An ass that runs forever.

Can't believe my last post here yesterday. Shocking but most truthful, that's why I am leaving it there.

truly yours,

joe q. elliot

12-17-2002, 02:28 AM	#152
j03L10T going nowhere slow Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: L.A. Posts: 252	This just in- Thugs have hijacked a truck containing a huge shipment of viagra. The police as well as other local authorities are advising citizens of the community to be on the look out for hardened criminals. __________________ "There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'.

12-17-2002, 12:39 PM	#154
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	1. I thought we were done apologizing. 2. j03, I have absolutely no clue what you're apologizing for. (I thought the viagra joke was funny ...) __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-18-2002, 01:37 PM	#156
j03L10T going nowhere slow Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: L.A. Posts: 252	Two guys go into a not so very well lit tavern of midevil design. "Bartender", the first one shouts into the darkness. No reply. Once again the first one shouts out for a drink and the bartender doesn't seem to notice. Then the second one says "he's deaf, don't you get it already?". The first one says to the second one, "you are shitting me, right?". "I am absolutely not" says number two and adds "not only that but the moron can't see so the drinks are absolutely on the house and FREE of charge". -Something a little tiny and ignorant monkey once told me. AHAHAHH. Good night. __________________ "There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. Last edited by j03L10T; 12-18-2002 at 01:43 PM.

12-18-2002, 02:25 PM	#161
j03L10T going nowhere slow Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: L.A. Posts: 252	I must be the devil since the southern baptists say so, right? Although I volunteered to a david bowie looking mother fucker, I don't recall volunteering to be the 'devil', ever. Don't ever ask me to go to church with you, or why I ever dared jesus to 'come back', after the life of torment I have lived. Mostly in part and way shape and form of a most painful and undetected upon birth, defect. Don't try to define me, I will only embarass you and without at all meaning to. None of you ever knew what you were purposely shitting on through your ignorantely worded euphorisms and immature and not so well informed mis-actions. But I still maintain in my own usual and hopeless (to you) course of merely wishfull thnking that I might just be able to overlook your own thoughtless ways when it is YOUR turn to have to pretend to be just totally stupid just to insure that everything remains the way you think it should be. If you want to know the answer, whatever you do- don't ask me. __________________ "There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'.

12-18-2002, 06:30 PM	#162
99 44/100% pure Infrequently Astonished Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Baltimore metro area Posts: 324	OK, this one's better in person . . . but here goes: Joe Sixpack is nursing a brew on a barstool next to some pencil-necked French guy. Pierre, drinking a Mai Tai, periodically (and subtly) sniffs his finger and murmurs to himself "Aaah, Fifi." After he does this a few times, Joe asks Pierre's what's up with the finger-thing? "Oh, mon ami, I am sorry to disturb you, but I was just with my girlfriend, Fifi, and her lovely scent still lingers on my finger." Joe says, "Yeah, I know whatcha mean," takes a huge snort of his arm, from the shoulder down to the fingertips and blurts out "Myrtle!" New to the Cellar but having fun watching the antics. I'm not so sure I should get too close to some of the cages though -- you know what they say about the Jaguars; when they turn their backs to you and lift their tails, it's time to run! 99 44/100% pure __________________ Overcompensating for the 0.56% that is irredeemably corrupted.

12-18-2002, 01:54 PM	#159
perth Strong Silent Type Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Fort Collins, CO Posts: 1,949	seems like a lot of thinking. not sure its funny even then. but i did like the viagra one. ~james

12-18-2002, 06:35 PM	#163
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Jag, put your tail down and turn around...good boy.

12-19-2002, 10:36 AM	#165
j03L10T going nowhere slow Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: L.A. Posts: 252	What do you get when you cross a mule with an onion? An ass that runs forever. Can't believe my last post here yesterday. Shocking but most truthful, that's why I am leaving it there. truly yours, joe q. elliot __________________ "There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'.

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