Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 113

HungLikeJesus · 02-28-2008, 11:44 AM

I think there's something missing in the third paragraph, classicman.

TheMercenary · 02-28-2008, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

Tale of the Irish Sausage

classicman · 02-28-2008, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus

I think there's something missing in the third paragraph, classicman.

just a comma that needs to be a period, I believe.

monster · 02-28-2008, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

just a comma that needs to be a period, I believe.

I'll take a coma over a period any day....

binky · 02-28-2008, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I'll take a coma over a period any day....

In a heartbeat!!

lookout123 · 02-29-2008, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

just a comma that needs to be a period, I believe.

I think he was referring to the rest of a true Irishman's order.

classicman · 02-29-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I'll take a coma over a period any day....

skysidhe · 02-29-2008, 10:55 PM

classicman · 03-01-2008, 01:42 PM

thats more of a WTF than humorous.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-01-2008, 03:53 PM

In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a black, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo, and the face was the same color. Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!

I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.' 'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend.
Just what I needed! I am gay, and on top of that, with a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh noooooo... I'm bald!

The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.'

Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn't get it.
Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!

With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? McCain or Huckabee?

Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one handed, drug addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God,
please don't tell me I'm a Republican!!!!!

skysidhe · 03-02-2008, 01:49 AM

lookout123 · 03-03-2008, 02:43 PM

typical woman - distracted by the obvious and missing the subtle beauty found elsewhere.

jinx · 03-03-2008, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed,

Is that the joke that the councilwoman in CO ended up resigning over?

skysidhe · 03-04-2008, 08:18 PM

lol lookout.....I like your humor.

funny story xob

classicman · 03-05-2008, 04:29 PM

Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life."
Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life."

Moral of the story: don’t underestimate someone else’s talents.

02-28-2008, 11:44 AM	#1681
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	I think there's something missing in the third paragraph, classicman. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

03-01-2008, 01:42 PM	#1689
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	thats more of a WTF than humorous. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-01-2008, 03:53 PM	#1690
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a black, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo, and the face was the same color. Black. I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled! I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.' 'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am gay, and on top of that, with a Mexican boyfriend. Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh noooooo... I'm bald! The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.' Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood. At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? McCain or Huckabee? Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one handed, drug addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a Republican!!!!! __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-03-2008, 02:43 PM	#1692
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	typical woman - distracted by the obvious and missing the subtle beauty found elsewhere. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

03-05-2008, 04:29 PM	#1695
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life." Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life." Moral of the story: don’t underestimate someone else’s talents. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

02-29-2008, 10:55 PM	#1688
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828

03-02-2008, 01:49 AM	#1691
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828

03-04-2008, 08:18 PM	#1694
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	lol lookout.....I like your humor. funny story xob

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