Tasteless Jokes - Page 14

SlickDrifter · 04-09-2005, 01:36 PM

A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense
12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked
the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....

SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up
against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times
and THROWS it against the wall....

Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and
hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says...
He was ALREADY DEAD

OR>

SlickDrifter · 04-09-2005, 01:37 PM

A woman is lying in her hospital bed after an intense
12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

When the baby is born, the nurse looks at the mother and says
with a sad voice I am sorry, but your baby is stillborn.

MAD with sorrow the mother THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up
against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times
and THROWS it against the wall....

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says...
He wasn't DEAD

monicakat · 04-09-2005, 08:18 PM

Q: Why did the black guy carry a peice of shit in his wallet?

A: Identification

Guyute · 04-09-2005, 11:13 PM

Q) Why do black people throw trash out in clear plastic bags?
A) So Mexicans can go window-shopping

Q) How was copper wire invented?
A) Two Jews fighting over a penny

Q) How many black people does it take to pave a driveway?
A) 5 if you slice them thin enough

Q) What do you say to a black guy in a suit?
A) "Will the defendant please rise..."

Q) What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A) One less drunk

Q) Why wouldn't JFK have been a good boxer?
A) He couldn't take a shot to the head

Q) How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
A) None, it better be open when she brings it to you

Q) WHy do Montrealers fuck doggie-style so much?
A) So that they both can watch the Canadiens game

Q) Why do women have legs?
A) So that they can leave after you're done fuckin' 'em

Q) What is another name for a family reunion in Alabama?
A) An orgy

Q) What do you call 50 white guys chasing a black guy?
A) The PGA

Beestie · 04-09-2005, 11:29 PM

SlickDrifter and Guyute - those are disgusting!!!

Thank you!

monicakat · 04-09-2005, 11:54 PM

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

monicakat · 04-09-2005, 11:56 PM

Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?

Free ham.

monicakat · 04-10-2005, 12:01 AM

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

-I don't know why I like those jokes so much...the more offensive to me as a woman, the funnier they are!

footfootfoot · 04-10-2005, 12:28 AM

Mrs. Warner's thrid grade class was asked to come to school with a short story that had a moral attached to it.

Susie raised her hand and told the following story:
"My daddy is a chicken rancher and one day I set two dozen eggs in the incubator but only eighteen of them hatched."

"What's the moral of your story, Susie?" asked Mrs. Warner.
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!"
"Very good Susie, anyone else?"

Mary raised her hand and expounded thus:
"My daddy also raises chickens and one day I was collecting eggs for the farmer's market so igot the biggest basket we had and I put every egg I found in it. I loaded it nto the back of the pickup truck and on the way to the market the truck hit a big bump and all the eggs fell out the back and were smashed."

"Oh that's so terrible, Mary. What would you say the moral to that story is?"
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Excellent Mary. Anyone else?"

Bruce raises his hand and tells the following story:
"Uncle Bud was a fighter pilot in Viet Nam, he was deep behind enemy lines when his plane was hit. He ejected and barely had time to grab his survival kit. On the way down in his parachute he opened his kit and pulled out his bottle of Jack Daniels and drank the whole thing in one long gulp. He dug deeper and found a case of beer, he drank every can, one after the other on the way down.

When he landed, he noticed that he was surrounded by 75 vietcong. He pulled out his machine gun and killed 40 of them before he ran out of bullets, then he threw his gun to the ground, grabbed his machete and killed 20 of them before his machete broke in two. So he killed the last 15 of them with his bare hands!"

The class was stunned silent, a few of the more sensitive kids were begining to cry, Mrs. Warner looked at Bruce and asked:
"What on earth could the moral of that story possibly be?"

Bruce replied, "You don't fuck with Uncle Bud when he's been drinking."

Guyute · 04-10-2005, 12:43 AM

LOL foot...

This flight leaves New York and just over halfway across the Atlantic, the pilot announces over the intercom "Sorry folks but we just lost an engine. We forgot to load chutes so one of the passengers must make the supreme sacrifice so that the rest of the plane may live."

This Jew stands up without hesitation, runs over to the door, flings it open, and shouts "Remember the Holocaust!" then flings himself out to his death.

20 minutes later the pilot announces "Sorry folks, we are having trouble with an engine so even though it is not gone, we are now over-loaded so I must call upon the passengers to select someone to sacrifice themselves so that the plane will make it."

This priest stands up, serenely walks over to the door, pulls it up, and makes the sign of The Cross, says to the rest of the passengers "Remember Jesus' sacrifice" then flings himself out.

Shortly after, the pilot says "We just lost the 2nd engine. We know the last engine will get us landed safely but unfortunately ONE MORE passenger must make the supreme sacrifice."

Without hesitation this big Texan runs over and grabs a Mexican seated near him, drags him to the door and flings him to his death, yelling "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!"

monicakat · 04-10-2005, 10:54 PM

Q: How does every ethnic joke begin?
A: By looking over your shoulder

Q: What do you call 1 white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
A: Coach

Q: How do you know if an Asian robbed your house?
A: Your homework's done, your computer's upgraded, but 2 hours later the fucker's still trying to back out of the driveway

-And this is the world's best answer if anyone ever tells a Jewish joke in front of you. Act all indignant and say: "Hey, my grandfather died at Auschwitz!" Everyone will get all quiet and uncomfortable. Then softly say, "Yeah, he fell out of the guard tower."

mrnoodle · 04-11-2005, 11:08 AM

What's better than fucking a 5-year old Vietnamese kid?

Nothin'

staceyv · 04-11-2005, 05:39 PM

what did one gay sperm say to the other?

"I can't see a THING with all this SHIT in here!"

Guyute · 04-12-2005, 09:51 PM

OMG Noodle, that is officially THE sickest joke I have ever heard- and funny!!!

What did Stevie Wonder say when he was old enough to realize he had been born blind?
"Coulda been worse- I could have been born Black"

Q) What is the best method of bringing a woman to orgasm?
A) Who cares?

This Polish guy with a parrot on his head walks into a bar. The bartender says "Whoa, where did he come from?"
The parrot replies "I don't know, it started growing out of my ass one day."

How can you tell when the helicopter approaching is Italian-made?
It goes "wop, wop, wop"

cowhead · 04-25-2005, 02:04 AM

Q: what is the worsr part of eating a vegetable
A: getting her back in the wheelchair

04-09-2005, 08:18 PM	#198
monicakat Homicidal Terrahawk Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wall drug Posts: 75	Q: Why did the black guy carry a peice of shit in his wallet? A: Identification __________________ No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. -Mary Wortley Montagu

04-09-2005, 11:13 PM	#199
Guyute Gamehenge Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Halifax, NS Posts: 168	Q) Why do black people throw trash out in clear plastic bags? A) So Mexicans can go window-shopping Q) How was copper wire invented? A) Two Jews fighting over a penny Q) How many black people does it take to pave a driveway? A) 5 if you slice them thin enough Q) What do you say to a black guy in a suit? A) "Will the defendant please rise..." Q) What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A) One less drunk Q) Why wouldn't JFK have been a good boxer? A) He couldn't take a shot to the head Q) How many men does it take to open a can of beer? A) None, it better be open when she brings it to you Q) WHy do Montrealers fuck doggie-style so much? A) So that they both can watch the Canadiens game Q) Why do women have legs? A) So that they can leave after you're done fuckin' 'em Q) What is another name for a family reunion in Alabama? A) An orgy Q) What do you call 50 white guys chasing a black guy? A) The PGA __________________ It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree. Last edited by Guyute; 04-09-2005 at 11:22 PM.

04-09-2005, 11:29 PM	#200
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	SlickDrifter and Guyute - those are disgusting!!! Thank you! __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

04-09-2005, 11:54 PM	#201
monicakat Homicidal Terrahawk Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wall drug Posts: 75	Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her." __________________ No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. -Mary Wortley Montagu

04-09-2005, 11:56 PM	#202
monicakat Homicidal Terrahawk Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wall drug Posts: 75	Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is? Free ham. __________________ No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. -Mary Wortley Montagu

04-09-2005, 01:36 PM	#196
SlickDrifter Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2	A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy. Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy .... SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall.... Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ?????? The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says... He was ALREADY DEAD OR>

04-09-2005, 01:37 PM	#197
SlickDrifter Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 2	A woman is lying in her hospital bed after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy. When the baby is born, the nurse looks at the mother and says with a sad voice I am sorry, but your baby is stillborn. MAD with sorrow the mother THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall.... The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says... He wasn't DEAD

04-10-2005, 12:01 AM	#203
monicakat Homicidal Terrahawk Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wall drug Posts: 75	Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house? A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time. -I don't know why I like those jokes so much...the more offensive to me as a woman, the funnier they are! __________________ No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. -Mary Wortley Montagu

04-10-2005, 12:28 AM	#204
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Mrs. Warner's thrid grade class was asked to come to school with a short story that had a moral attached to it. Susie raised her hand and told the following story: "My daddy is a chicken rancher and one day I set two dozen eggs in the incubator but only eighteen of them hatched." "What's the moral of your story, Susie?" asked Mrs. Warner. "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!" "Very good Susie, anyone else?" Mary raised her hand and expounded thus: "My daddy also raises chickens and one day I was collecting eggs for the farmer's market so igot the biggest basket we had and I put every egg I found in it. I loaded it nto the back of the pickup truck and on the way to the market the truck hit a big bump and all the eggs fell out the back and were smashed." "Oh that's so terrible, Mary. What would you say the moral to that story is?" "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." "Excellent Mary. Anyone else?" Bruce raises his hand and tells the following story: "Uncle Bud was a fighter pilot in Viet Nam, he was deep behind enemy lines when his plane was hit. He ejected and barely had time to grab his survival kit. On the way down in his parachute he opened his kit and pulled out his bottle of Jack Daniels and drank the whole thing in one long gulp. He dug deeper and found a case of beer, he drank every can, one after the other on the way down. When he landed, he noticed that he was surrounded by 75 vietcong. He pulled out his machine gun and killed 40 of them before he ran out of bullets, then he threw his gun to the ground, grabbed his machete and killed 20 of them before his machete broke in two. So he killed the last 15 of them with his bare hands!" The class was stunned silent, a few of the more sensitive kids were begining to cry, Mrs. Warner looked at Bruce and asked: "What on earth could the moral of that story possibly be?" Bruce replied, "You don't fuck with Uncle Bud when he's been drinking." __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-10-2005, 12:43 AM	#205
Guyute Gamehenge Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Halifax, NS Posts: 168	LOL foot... This flight leaves New York and just over halfway across the Atlantic, the pilot announces over the intercom "Sorry folks but we just lost an engine. We forgot to load chutes so one of the passengers must make the supreme sacrifice so that the rest of the plane may live." This Jew stands up without hesitation, runs over to the door, flings it open, and shouts "Remember the Holocaust!" then flings himself out to his death. 20 minutes later the pilot announces "Sorry folks, we are having trouble with an engine so even though it is not gone, we are now over-loaded so I must call upon the passengers to select someone to sacrifice themselves so that the plane will make it." This priest stands up, serenely walks over to the door, pulls it up, and makes the sign of The Cross, says to the rest of the passengers "Remember Jesus' sacrifice" then flings himself out. Shortly after, the pilot says "We just lost the 2nd engine. We know the last engine will get us landed safely but unfortunately ONE MORE passenger must make the supreme sacrifice." Without hesitation this big Texan runs over and grabs a Mexican seated near him, drags him to the door and flings him to his death, yelling "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!" __________________ It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree.

04-10-2005, 10:54 PM	#206
monicakat Homicidal Terrahawk Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wall drug Posts: 75	Q: How does every ethnic joke begin? A: By looking over your shoulder Q: What do you call 1 white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? A: Coach Q: How do you know if an Asian robbed your house? A: Your homework's done, your computer's upgraded, but 2 hours later the fucker's still trying to back out of the driveway -And this is the world's best answer if anyone ever tells a Jewish joke in front of you. Act all indignant and say: "Hey, my grandfather died at Auschwitz!" Everyone will get all quiet and uncomfortable. Then softly say, "Yeah, he fell out of the guard tower." __________________ No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting. -Mary Wortley Montagu

04-11-2005, 11:08 AM	#207
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	What's better than fucking a 5-year old Vietnamese kid? Nothin' __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

04-11-2005, 05:39 PM	#208
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	what did one gay sperm say to the other? "I can't see a THING with all this SHIT in here!"

04-12-2005, 09:51 PM	#209
Guyute Gamehenge Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Halifax, NS Posts: 168	OMG Noodle, that is officially THE sickest joke I have ever heard- and funny!!! What did Stevie Wonder say when he was old enough to realize he had been born blind? "Coulda been worse- I could have been born Black" Q) What is the best method of bringing a woman to orgasm? A) Who cares? This Polish guy with a parrot on his head walks into a bar. The bartender says "Whoa, where did he come from?" The parrot replies "I don't know, it started growing out of my ass one day." How can you tell when the helicopter approaching is Italian-made? It goes "wop, wop, wop" __________________ It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree.

04-25-2005, 02:04 AM	#210
cowhead halve your cake and eat it too. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas Posts: 1,359	Q: what is the worsr part of eating a vegetable A: getting her back in the wheelchair __________________ no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire.

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