Tasteless Jokes - Page 16

wolf · 05-20-2005, 03:52 PM

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding meet with their Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!," replies the Mullah, "Allah Akbar! (GOD is great)

Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.

"Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah.

"Woman on top?" Ahmed asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah Akbar. Go for it!"

"Doggy style?"

"Sure! Allah Akbar!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!"

"Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil and a porno video?"

"You may indeed. Allah Akbar!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah."

"Buy why not?" asks the man.

"Because that could lead to dancing."

dar512 · 05-20-2005, 03:57 PM

More proof that jokes get recycled.

I heard this version 35 years ago:

Why are Baptists against pre-marital sex?

It leads to dancing.

lumberjim · 05-20-2005, 08:18 PM

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

footfootfoot · 05-20-2005, 10:23 PM

Jews don't recognize jesus as the messiah.
Protestants don't recognize the pope as emmissary of god.
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

BigV · 05-21-2005, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

Hey LJ, thanks for the ONLY laff I've gotten from this lame thread. Course, I could qualify for an assist since after laughing out loud and re-reading the joke, I noticed that the doctor actually pulled the pen out of his shiRt. Oh well, still funny!

Guyute · 05-21-2005, 11:02 PM

This American businessman decides to go to Japan to see about buying some goods. As he arrives too late to meet the Japanese people that he would be dealing with, he arranges to meet one of them for a round of golf the next day, then hits the bar.

He is well-buzzed when this gorgeous Japanese woman sits down, and sure enough, the two hit off and after several more drinks, they head up to his room.

Soon enough the two of them are screwing like crazy, with the booze they both drank fuelling the fire. After several minutes of them fucking like crazy, he tells her to turn over and goes at her equally passionately doggie-style. Suddenly she starts jumping all over and yelling "mookee wannee, mookee wannneeee". He thinks to himself, "boy, am I giving her the drilling of a lifetime!!!". They finish and she soon pulls on her clothes and leaves.

The next morning he meets his Japanese partner and head for the golf course. After doing so-so for the first three holes, he sinks a long 40-foot putt. Waving his putter, he remembers the woman from the night before and yells "mookee wannee! Mookee Wannie!!"

The Japanese guy looks at him quizzically and says, "what do you mean, 'wrong hole'??"

mrnoodle · 06-12-2005, 06:00 PM

Q: What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A: An erection.

i'm so so sorry.

Shocker · 04-27-2006, 11:53 AM

I know this is an old post...but I came across it and just had to add to it lol

What do you do when you catch your wife watching TV?
Shorten the chain in the kitchen!

What do you call a bunch of black people in a field?
Antique farm equipment

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue who?
Little boy blue michael jackson!

04-27-2006, 01:34 PM

Guy is going down on a hooker... really having great time and suddenly he stops, pops-up looking confused and takes a kernel of corn out of his mouth.

He goes back to it with gusto, good for him, getting his money's worth... he kinda' swirls around a bit hesitantly though for a second and pop-back-up again and looks at her while she turns the page and pulls out a hair and then a piece of carrot. He looks at it inquisitively but is not deterred. He is havin' a good time tonight goddamn-it, he earned it and what-the-hell... back at it...

Ok.. this is the last damn straw, as he spits out the pea... "lady are you sick or sum-in?'

Turning the page...."No, but the guy before you was".

How does a redneck mom know that her daughter has begun menstruating?

Her son's dick tastes different.

Shocker · 04-27-2006, 03:38 PM

Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period?
A: Fingerpainting

Q: How do you get a gay guy, to fuck a chick?
A: Shit in her cunt.

Stress Puppy · 04-28-2006, 09:22 PM

If a man sucks one cock and then builds one hundred bridges what is he?

A cock sucker.

Shocker · 05-02-2006, 06:21 PM

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?

I'm not sure, but that fucker sure can pick lettuce!

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 04:38 AM

I was surprised when JFK, Jr.'s plane went down.
I thought the Kennedys drown their whores one at a time...

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 04:41 AM

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2.
The problem is getting them in the bulb.

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 04:43 AM

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."

05-20-2005, 03:52 PM	#226
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding meet with their Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together." "Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately." "So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?" "No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam." Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" "Of course!," replies the Mullah, "Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!" "What about different positions?" asks the man. "Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah. "Woman on top?" Ahmed asks. "Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah Akbar. Go for it!" "Doggy style?" "Sure! Allah Akbar!" "On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!" "Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil and a porno video?" "You may indeed. Allah Akbar!" "Can we do it standing up?" "No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah." "Buy why not?" asks the man. "Because that could lead to dancing." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

05-20-2005, 03:57 PM	#227
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	More proof that jokes get recycled. I heard this version 35 years ago: Why are Baptists against pre-marital sex? It leads to dancing. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

05-20-2005, 08:18 PM	#228
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen." __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-20-2005, 10:23 PM	#229
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Jews don't recognize jesus as the messiah. Protestants don't recognize the pope as emmissary of god. Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-21-2005, 11:02 PM	#231
Guyute Gamehenge Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Halifax, NS Posts: 168	This American businessman decides to go to Japan to see about buying some goods. As he arrives too late to meet the Japanese people that he would be dealing with, he arranges to meet one of them for a round of golf the next day, then hits the bar. He is well-buzzed when this gorgeous Japanese woman sits down, and sure enough, the two hit off and after several more drinks, they head up to his room. Soon enough the two of them are screwing like crazy, with the booze they both drank fuelling the fire. After several minutes of them fucking like crazy, he tells her to turn over and goes at her equally passionately doggie-style. Suddenly she starts jumping all over and yelling "mookee wannee, mookee wannneeee". He thinks to himself, "boy, am I giving her the drilling of a lifetime!!!". They finish and she soon pulls on her clothes and leaves. The next morning he meets his Japanese partner and head for the golf course. After doing so-so for the first three holes, he sinks a long 40-foot putt. Waving his putter, he remembers the woman from the night before and yells "mookee wannee! Mookee Wannie!!" The Japanese guy looks at him quizzically and says, "what do you mean, 'wrong hole'??" __________________ It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree.

06-12-2005, 06:00 PM	#232
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	Q: What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? A: An erection. i'm so so sorry. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

04-27-2006, 11:53 AM	#233
Shocker Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Your Mom's house Posts: 378	I know this is an old post...but I came across it and just had to add to it lol What do you do when you catch your wife watching TV? Shorten the chain in the kitchen! What do you call a bunch of black people in a field? Antique farm equipment Knock Knock Who's there? Little Boy Blue Little boy blue who? Little boy blue michael jackson!

04-27-2006, 01:34 PM	#234
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Guy is going down on a hooker... really having great time and suddenly he stops, pops-up looking confused and takes a kernel of corn out of his mouth. He goes back to it with gusto, good for him, getting his money's worth... he kinda' swirls around a bit hesitantly though for a second and pop-back-up again and looks at her while she turns the page and pulls out a hair and then a piece of carrot. He looks at it inquisitively but is not deterred. He is havin' a good time tonight goddamn-it, he earned it and what-the-hell... back at it... Ok.. this is the last damn straw, as he spits out the pea... "lady are you sick or sum-in?' Turning the page...."No, but the guy before you was". How does a redneck mom know that her daughter has begun menstruating? Her son's dick tastes different.

04-27-2006, 03:38 PM	#235
Shocker Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Your Mom's house Posts: 378	Q: What do you call two lesbians on their period? A: Fingerpainting Q: How do you get a gay guy, to fuck a chick? A: Shit in her cunt.

04-28-2006, 09:22 PM	#236
Stress Puppy Elite Elitist Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Fresno, CA Posts: 359	If a man sucks one cock and then builds one hundred bridges what is he? A cock sucker. __________________ ~Stress Puppy~ Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur

05-02-2006, 06:21 PM	#237
Shocker Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Your Mom's house Posts: 378	What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? I'm not sure, but that fucker sure can pick lettuce!

05-05-2006, 04:38 AM	#238
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	I was surprised when JFK, Jr.'s plane went down. I thought the Kennedys drown their whores one at a time... __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 04:41 AM	#239
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. The problem is getting them in the bulb. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 04:43 AM	#240
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room. "I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her." The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side. The next morning he asked for his bill. "It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said. "Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said. "Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today." __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

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