Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 164

classicman · 02-05-2009, 08:18 PM

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.....'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f..... blanket.'

After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.

The End

Sundae · 02-08-2009, 09:17 AM

Classic - I printed out the OAP jokes for my parents (with a tiny bit of translation). Very funny.

SteveDallas · 02-10-2009, 11:27 AM

When I heard it, it was mathematicians and engineers.

Madman · 02-10-2009, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

When I heard it, it was mathematicians and engineers.

When I heard it, it was 3 Alabama good old boys and 3 Yankees. Which, by the way, was the better choice.

capnhowdy · 02-10-2009, 03:43 PM

That would be good as a priest/rabbi joke too.

Two doctors who had just met were lying in bed together after sex. The male dr says "You must be an OBGYN, as good as you can handle that pussy". She replied "And you must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing".

Aliantha · 02-10-2009, 05:05 PM

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and
who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even
when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable
you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love
you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it
was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my
love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will
call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved
them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen
like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and
who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their
limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of
adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes,
they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased . . . .

And Dog was happy. . . . .

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other....

Shawnee123 · 02-10-2009, 05:56 PM

That gave me a giggle. Ain't it the trute?

Aliantha · 02-10-2009, 06:00 PM

absolutely.

SteveDallas · 02-11-2009, 11:01 PM

It's about damned time.

Shawnee123 · 02-12-2009, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

It's about damned time.

That is hilarious.

capnhowdy · 02-12-2009, 07:34 AM

Only at The Onion. I love it.

TheMercenary · 02-12-2009, 09:25 AM

When not to hyphenate your happy names.

http://cbs13.com/slideshows/Married....20.462840.html

Cloud · 02-12-2009, 08:16 PM

here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html

Shawnee123 · 02-14-2009, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html

Quote:

MIA: I am pregnant. I'm due today. Got a problem with that? Is a knuckle sandwich going to be the first sandwich to pass your lips in eight months?

Great stuff. Thanks Cloud.

Nirvana · 02-17-2009, 11:05 PM

Spelling is so important!

02-05-2009, 08:18 PM	#1
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	A SHORT LOVE STORY A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.....' 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f..... blanket.' After a moment of silence, ......................he farted. The End __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

02-08-2009, 09:17 AM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Classic - I printed out the OAP jokes for my parents (with a tiny bit of translation). Very funny. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

02-10-2009, 03:43 PM	#5
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	That would be good as a priest/rabbi joke too. Two doctors who had just met were lying in bed together after sex. The male dr says "You must be an OBGYN, as good as you can handle that pussy". She replied "And you must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing". __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

02-10-2009, 05:05 PM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.' And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.' And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.' And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.' And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.' And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.' And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased . . . . And Dog was happy. . . . . And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.... __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-10-2009, 05:56 PM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	That gave me a giggle. Ain't it the trute? __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

02-10-2009, 11:27 AM	#3
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	When I heard it, it was mathematicians and engineers.

02-10-2009, 06:00 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	absolutely. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-11-2009, 11:01 PM	#9
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	It's about damned time.

02-12-2009, 07:34 AM	#11
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Only at The Onion. I love it. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

02-12-2009, 09:25 AM	#12
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	When not to hyphenate your happy names. http://cbs13.com/slideshows/Married....20.462840.html __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

02-12-2009, 08:16 PM	#13
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really. http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

02-17-2009, 11:05 PM	#15
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Spelling is so important! Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 3 (0 members and 3 guests)