Decisions.... - Page 2

everloving_dom · 03-05-2007, 11:12 PM

this is a tough situation... u need to sit down and figure out exactly what u want/need in life right now, and then tell him to do the same. then talk about it, talk about everything that u feel and everything he feels, dont hold back. thats the only way u can really find out what will work best for both of you.

Clodfobble · 03-05-2007, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by everloving dom

...what will work best for both of you.

You missed one.

Sun_Sparkz · 03-06-2007, 02:01 AM

Well im still banging my head against the wall. i look at him and crumble. Its so hard when there is this time limit on our lives together - 2 nights a week, which we are usually flat out.

i know i said i was going to sort all this out last week. i never thought it would be this hard to break away. i keep thinking "what if i am making a huge mistake."

Sun_Sparkz · 03-06-2007, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Please do not take this as a criticism or anything more than what it is. I'm just getting a read on why you had the reaction that you did, when you had it.
Are you normally a person who like to control their environment, surroundings and what goes on in their life? Schedules, how and when decisions are made and on what time line, menus, route to and from places, etc?

are you IN my head?

yes thats totally me. im an asy going girl dont get me wrong - but i like to be IN control of my life. (thats why i hate flying,, im a control freak)

03-06-2007, 10:59 AM

Then it seems to me that the problem was not his leaving, it was his leaving on his terms & not yours; with you having no control over it or part of the decision.
More complex than that, but that being the core of the issue.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-14-2007, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun_Sparkz

snip~ keep thinking "what if i am making a huge mistake."

If it's what you want, it's never a mistake.

Sun_Sparkz · 03-14-2007, 02:31 AM

but what i want changes everyday.
how do i know whats real?
how do you guage something like that?

bluecuracao · 03-14-2007, 02:59 AM

You can't always, especially in matters of the heart.

I don't know if this will help at all...but there've been times when I've just had to follow things through to the very bitter end. Even though there's a measure of comfort in being able to plan things out, and have some sort of idea how things will go, there are things like this that pop up that you just can't control.

Elspode · 03-14-2007, 12:35 PM

I did suggest polyamory, you know. Then, what you want can change everyday, you go and get it, then you get back together with your primary partner and share exciting stories. Then, you get on the Cellar and share with us.

Win. Win. Win.

03-14-2007, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

If it's what you want, it's never a mistake.

I want smack and whores.

Elspode · 03-14-2007, 04:39 PM

Good decision, Rob!

xoxoxoBruce · 03-15-2007, 05:05 AM

Sure, go for it. But watch out for their pimp....he'll fuck you up if he catches you smacking his whores.

Griff · 03-15-2007, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun_Sparkz

but what i want changes everyday.
how do i know whats real?
how do you guage something like that?

Sometimes you just have to take a chance. The hard part is sorting out where you'll be when the dopamine levels drop. Is he the kind of guy you can make a good life with? Don't make the decision to not decide. There is loss in choosing a path but not choosing has no gain.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-15-2007, 12:27 PM

In this case I think not choosing could be a loss, if the damage already done is irreparable.

Elspode · 03-15-2007, 04:36 PM

You know, I've always followed a certain main specification for deciding if I should be with someone or not.

If I can't decide that I *could* be with them, then I pretty much figure I *shouldn't* be with them.

This only applies to commitment. Casual boffing is not subject to the same criteria as it so greatly reduces the available talent pool.

03-06-2007, 02:01 AM	#18
Sun_Sparkz Has Body Temperature Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: I come from a land downunder Posts: 1,105	Well im still banging my head against the wall. i look at him and crumble. Its so hard when there is this time limit on our lives together - 2 nights a week, which we are usually flat out. i know i said i was going to sort all this out last week. i never thought it would be this hard to break away. i keep thinking "what if i am making a huge mistake." __________________ We'll never be as young as we are right now

03-14-2007, 02:31 AM	#22
Sun_Sparkz Has Body Temperature Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: I come from a land downunder Posts: 1,105	but what i want changes everyday. how do i know whats real? how do you guage something like that? __________________ We'll never be as young as we are right now

03-14-2007, 12:35 PM	#24
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I did suggest polyamory, you know. Then, what you want can change everyday, you go and get it, then you get back together with your primary partner and share exciting stories. Then, you get on the Cellar and share with us. Win. Win. Win. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-14-2007, 04:39 PM	#26
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Good decision, Rob! __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-15-2007, 05:05 AM	#27
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sure, go for it. But watch out for their pimp....he'll fuck you up if he catches you smacking his whores. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-05-2007, 11:12 PM	#16
everloving_dom kinda new to everything Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3	this is a tough situation... u need to sit down and figure out exactly what u want/need in life right now, and then tell him to do the same. then talk about it, talk about everything that u feel and everything he feels, dont hold back. thats the only way u can really find out what will work best for both of you.

03-06-2007, 10:59 AM	#20
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Then it seems to me that the problem was not his leaving, it was his leaving on his terms & not yours; with you having no control over it or part of the decision. More complex than that, but that being the core of the issue.

03-14-2007, 02:59 AM	#23
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	You can't always, especially in matters of the heart. I don't know if this will help at all...but there've been times when I've just had to follow things through to the very bitter end. Even though there's a measure of comfort in being able to plan things out, and have some sort of idea how things will go, there are things like this that pop up that you just can't control.

03-15-2007, 12:27 PM	#29
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	In this case I think not choosing could be a loss, if the damage already done is irreparable. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-15-2007, 04:36 PM	#30
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	You know, I've always followed a certain main specification for deciding if I should be with someone or not. If I can't decide that I could be with them, then I pretty much figure I shouldn't be with them. This only applies to commitment. Casual boffing is not subject to the same criteria as it so greatly reduces the available talent pool. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

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