Long distance relationship issues - Page 2

casimendocina · 04-05-2011, 04:44 AM

Was it Frank Sinatra who said "whatever gets you through the night"?

plthijinx · 04-09-2011, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

I like the people who think they're fucking from halfway across the planet. That is admirable.

oh they're fucking alright! not each other but they're fucking alright!

seriously, anti, i've had a couple long distance relationships and neither worked out. if you feel that her moving closer to you and that is what's gonna happen? then ya stick it out, otherwise.....spinnin yer wheels man.

infinite monkey · 04-12-2011, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casimendocina

Was it Frank Sinatra who said "whatever gets you through the night"?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ty Webb

No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

skysidhe · 04-12-2011, 06:50 PM

Pen Pals are nice though. Gifts back and forth through the mail. stuff.

If you don't like long distance relationships, kiss your secret Santa's goodbye.

Aliantha · 04-12-2011, 08:26 PM

It is my humble opinion that long distance relationships are nothing more than emotional torture, fraught with worrisome thoughts about fidelity and honesty.

Give it a miss.

infinite monkey · 04-13-2011, 07:41 AM

There's a limit, but I think that if there is mutual respect and one is not clingy and jealous, it can work. Not forever, the goal should be to eventually be "together" but that goal can't be borne to a person who always has to have 'someone, ANYONE' lest their self-esteem go careening down a mountain.

Certainly, it takes a certain type of person. It takes a certain type of relationship work. I don't see this kind of work always being done with people who see each other every day (and sometimes want to strangle each other.) Proximity doesn't guarantee a damn thing. People can still cheat, can still ignore and disrespect.

As to open relationships, my feeling is why bother? Either you're committed to a person or you're not. Again, it's that having to HAVE SOMEONE or you feel like less.

Half of marriages end in divorce. Half the other half ends in murder, or at least the murder of the qualities that make a person an individual. I don't see why long distance can't work, when people agree upon goals and support each other in the hard times. Gee, just like "real" relationships. The hard part is missing being held when you cry, or seeing the smile on their face. THAT is where it takes a certain type of person.

Most couldn't do it. They possess not the balls.

Antimatter · 04-13-2011, 11:59 AM

Sorry for starting and then neglecting this thread for a while. Been busy going back and forth between Copenhagen and Berlin. Anyway, I'd like to address a few points of view that have been expressed while I was away.

First of all I don't think I'm fucking someone halfway across the planet. I'm sufficiently aware of my own bodily functions to know when I'm fucking, when I think about fucking and when I'm neither fucking nor thinking about it. And since we have not yet agreed to have an open relationship I'm not fucking anybody when we're in different cities, and I trust that she isn't either.

I've more or less decided to not agree to having an open relationship with her. We still have to sit down and actually talk about it, because I promised her we would do that, and it's theoretically possible that this will change my mind, but chances are slim.

Quite a few people have spoken out against long distance relationships. I hadn't anticipated this when I posted my story as the distance itself is something I'm confident we can overcome, especially since I plan to move to Berlin when possible (which it isn't right now for some tedious but very real reasons). If nothing serious comes in the way I could be moving to Berlin before the end of this year, or early next year at the latest. To rephrase, I'm not planning to have a long distance relationship, I'm planning to make my long distance relationship into a more normal short distance one. It's just that changing address to a different city in another country takes a bit more time, planning and effort than changing your underwear, and I have some ties to this city and country that will evaporate within the next few months.

I had two goals with this thread, one was to find out whether I think that her boinking someone else while I was in Thailand was cheating, the other whether I wanted to accept or reject her proposal to have an open relationship. I've found that the first one doesn't really matter to me anymore as I'd rather focus on the future than the past, and the other I've made my mind up about. So thank you all for your input, I appreciate it, even if I chose differently from what you would.

infinite monkey · 04-13-2011, 12:02 PM

I was joking and referring to another situation about the halfway across the planet thing. Sorry about that, you couldn't know the inside joke.

I spoke out for LDRs, if the people are honest and secure and flexible.

Antimatter · 04-13-2011, 12:12 PM

I noticed you later spoke out in favor of LDR's, and I must admit it confused me a bit. Anyway, I'm happy to know there was a joke there

casimendocina · 04-16-2011, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antimatter

First of all I don't think I'm fucking someone halfway across the planet.

As previously mentioned, that wasn't about or directed at you at all.

TheMercenary · 04-17-2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Half of marriages end in divorce. Half the other half ends in murder, or at least the murder of the qualities that make a person an individual.

Horse shit. Failed marriages end up this way, ummmmm, the rest of us are happy.

infinite monkey · 04-18-2011, 07:24 AM

Try for better reading comprehension: HALF of the other HALF.

I don't doubt you're in the happy 1/4. I've never heard you bitch or complain about your wife. There are happy marriages, I've seen it done with my own eyes.

Now quit following me around and being a meanie weanie or I'll start an anonymous thread.

plthijinx · 04-19-2011, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

There's a limit, but I think that if there is mutual respect and one is not clingy and jealous, it can work. Not forever, the goal should be to eventually be "together" but that goal can't be borne to a person who always has to have 'someone, ANYONE' lest their self-esteem go careening down a mountain.

Certainly, it takes a certain type of person. It takes a certain type of relationship work. I don't see this kind of work always being done with people who see each other every day (and sometimes want to strangle each other.) Proximity doesn't guarantee a damn thing. People can still cheat, can still ignore and disrespect.

As to open relationships, my feeling is why bother? Either you're committed to a person or you're not. Again, it's that having to HAVE SOMEONE or you feel like less.

Half of marriages end in divorce. Half the other half ends in murder, or at least the murder of the qualities that make a person an individual. I don't see why long distance can't work, when people agree upon goals and support each other in the hard times. Gee, just like "real" relationships. The hard part is missing being held when you cry, or seeing the smile on their face. THAT is where it takes a certain type of person.

Most couldn't do it. They possess not the balls.

word!

TheMercenary · 04-19-2011, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Try for better reading comprehension: HALF of the other HALF.

I don't doubt you're in the happy 1/4. I've never heard you bitch or complain about your wife. There are happy marriages, I've seen it done with my own eyes.

Now quit following me around and being a meanie weanie or I'll start an anonymous thread.

04-12-2011, 08:26 PM	#20
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	It is my humble opinion that long distance relationships are nothing more than emotional torture, fraught with worrisome thoughts about fidelity and honesty. Give it a miss. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

04-05-2011, 04:44 AM	#16
casimendocina Professor Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,622	Was it Frank Sinatra who said "whatever gets you through the night"?

04-12-2011, 06:50 PM	#19
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	Pen Pals are nice though. Gifts back and forth through the mail. stuff. If you don't like long distance relationships, kiss your secret Santa's goodbye.

04-13-2011, 07:41 AM	#21
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	There's a limit, but I think that if there is mutual respect and one is not clingy and jealous, it can work. Not forever, the goal should be to eventually be "together" but that goal can't be borne to a person who always has to have 'someone, ANYONE' lest their self-esteem go careening down a mountain. Certainly, it takes a certain type of person. It takes a certain type of relationship work. I don't see this kind of work always being done with people who see each other every day (and sometimes want to strangle each other.) Proximity doesn't guarantee a damn thing. People can still cheat, can still ignore and disrespect. As to open relationships, my feeling is why bother? Either you're committed to a person or you're not. Again, it's that having to HAVE SOMEONE or you feel like less. Half of marriages end in divorce. Half the other half ends in murder, or at least the murder of the qualities that make a person an individual. I don't see why long distance can't work, when people agree upon goals and support each other in the hard times. Gee, just like "real" relationships. The hard part is missing being held when you cry, or seeing the smile on their face. THAT is where it takes a certain type of person. Most couldn't do it. They possess not the balls.

04-13-2011, 11:59 AM	#22
Antimatter Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Posts: 68	Sorry for starting and then neglecting this thread for a while. Been busy going back and forth between Copenhagen and Berlin. Anyway, I'd like to address a few points of view that have been expressed while I was away. First of all I don't think I'm fucking someone halfway across the planet. I'm sufficiently aware of my own bodily functions to know when I'm fucking, when I think about fucking and when I'm neither fucking nor thinking about it. And since we have not yet agreed to have an open relationship I'm not fucking anybody when we're in different cities, and I trust that she isn't either. I've more or less decided to not agree to having an open relationship with her. We still have to sit down and actually talk about it, because I promised her we would do that, and it's theoretically possible that this will change my mind, but chances are slim. Quite a few people have spoken out against long distance relationships. I hadn't anticipated this when I posted my story as the distance itself is something I'm confident we can overcome, especially since I plan to move to Berlin when possible (which it isn't right now for some tedious but very real reasons). If nothing serious comes in the way I could be moving to Berlin before the end of this year, or early next year at the latest. To rephrase, I'm not planning to have a long distance relationship, I'm planning to make my long distance relationship into a more normal short distance one. It's just that changing address to a different city in another country takes a bit more time, planning and effort than changing your underwear, and I have some ties to this city and country that will evaporate within the next few months. I had two goals with this thread, one was to find out whether I think that her boinking someone else while I was in Thailand was cheating, the other whether I wanted to accept or reject her proposal to have an open relationship. I've found that the first one doesn't really matter to me anymore as I'd rather focus on the future than the past, and the other I've made my mind up about. So thank you all for your input, I appreciate it, even if I chose differently from what you would.

04-13-2011, 12:02 PM	#23
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I was joking and referring to another situation about the halfway across the planet thing. Sorry about that, you couldn't know the inside joke. I spoke out for LDRs, if the people are honest and secure and flexible.

04-13-2011, 12:12 PM	#24
Antimatter Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Posts: 68	I noticed you later spoke out in favor of LDR's, and I must admit it confused me a bit. Anyway, I'm happy to know there was a joke there

04-18-2011, 07:24 AM	#27
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Try for better reading comprehension: HALF of the other HALF. I don't doubt you're in the happy 1/4. I've never heard you bitch or complain about your wife. There are happy marriages, I've seen it done with my own eyes. Now quit following me around and being a meanie weanie or I'll start an anonymous thread.

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