2/16/2003: Vegetable orchestra - Page 2

jeni · 02-19-2003, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tokenidiot
The first one especially gave arousing performance.

this post needs more love.

MaggieL · 02-19-2003, 10:15 PM

"Like thousands of tiny fingers, urging a woman to let go" was the slogan in the 1970's...

Of course we've all seen the advantages list, carved or un:

1. the average cucumber is at least seven inches long
2. cucumbers stay hard for a week
3. a cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count
4. cucumbers don't get too excited
5. a cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
6. cucumbers are easy to pick up
7. you can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket
8. ... and you know how firm it is before you take it home
9. you only eat cucumbers when you feel like it
10. no matter how you slice it, you can always have your cuke and eat it too
11. cucumbers can get away any weekend
12. with a cucumber you can get a single room
13. ... and you won't have to check in as Mrs. Cucumber
14. a cucumber will always respect you in the morning
15. you can go to movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie
16. at a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat
17. a cucumber can alwsays wait until you get home
18. a cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you out to get Milk Duds
19. a cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival
20. a cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
21. cucumbers don't care if you are a virgin
22. cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin
23. cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin
24. with cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once
25. cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall
26. cucumbers don't have sex hangups
27. cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on
28. cucumbers aren't into leathers and chains, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits and nuts
29. you can have as many cucumbers as you can handle
30. cucumbers never need a round of applause
31. cucumbers won't ask:
Am I the best?
How was it?
Did you come?
How many times?
32. cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski/tennis instructors
33. a cucumber won't want to join your support group
34. a cucumber never wants to improve your mind
35. cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations
36. cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one
37. a cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator
38. a cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over
39. no matter what age group you are in, you can always get a fresh cucumber
40. cucumbers can handle rejection
41. a cucumber won't pout if you have a headache
42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is
43. a cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet
44. with a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry
45. cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow
46. cucumbers won't give you a hickey
47. cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot
48. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: want to shake hands and be friends
say, "I'll call you a cab."
tell you he's not the marrying kind
tell you he is the marrying kind
call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist
take you to confesion
49. cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month
50. a cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore
51. cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him
52. a cucumber a day keeps the ob-gyn away
53. a cucumber won't work your crossword with ink
54. a cucumber isn't allergic to your cat
55. with a cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season
56. cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car
57. a cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors
58. a cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library
59. cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest
60. a cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray
61. cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor
62. cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub

wolf · 02-20-2003, 01:45 AM

Someone I once knew travelled to Japan on business.

She returned with a number of souveniers, but the one that got the most laughs was "Mr Happy Cucumber." (which was how the box was marked. We didn't just make this name up).

It was a plastic cucumber ... appeared to be like any other of plastic vegetable, unless you knew the trick.

A twist and a pull and you found out that the cucumber was merely a sheath ... for a rather conventional dildo.

Bitman · 02-24-2003, 09:12 PM

If anyone still cares about the original topic ...
Most of the instruments are percussion, and the music sounds like fairly standard electronic "experimental" music .. i.e. lots of random sounds, little melody. They claim to be serious musicians, but with instrument names like "radirimbafrigglegiggle", I can't take them seriously.

I guess that explains the segue.

Bitmap · 02-24-2003, 11:44 PM

42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is

I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.

MaggieL · 02-25-2003, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bitmap
42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is 
 
 
I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.

A cucumber won't assume everything is about intercourse, either. :-)

Ther'e's too many men completely prepared to ascribe any behavior they consider to be an emotional display to hormonal weather.

russotto · 02-26-2003, 01:55 PM

It's not the most sophisticated algorithm, but it works 95% of the time :-) (and ducking)

MaggieL · 02-26-2003, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by russotto
It's not the most sophisticated algorithm, but it works 95% of the time :-) (and ducking)

As long as you keep ducking, almost any algorythm will appear to work. :-)

wolf · 02-27-2003, 12:25 AM

Actually, if he keeps ducking, the shot we were aiming at his genitals will hit center-of-mass ...

jeni · 02-27-2003, 12:39 AM

Quote:

There's too many men completely prepared to ascribe any behavior they consider to be an emotional display to hormonal weather.

preach on, sista.

jeni · 02-27-2003, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bitmap
42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is 
 
 
I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l>
You women should be ashamed of yourselves.

also, if i recall correctly, studies have shown that women who masturbate and orgasm during their menstrual cycles have a much lower chance of getting certain cervical and uterine diseases, because they push out more of the blood and uterine lining that would otherwise stay behind and could cause infections.

i'm sorry if that disgusts you, but at least you don't have to live with it every month. i don't personally masturbate or have sex while i'm menstruating, however i don't think that it is disgusting to do so.

you try going without sex for an entire week every month, and being told it's disgusting to please yourself when you have no other release.

at least you guys can do something about it while we're stuck bleeding.

edit: and besides, it's not really disgusting if you don't intend on eating the thing afterwards.

Bitmap · 02-27-2003, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jeni

you try going without sex for an entire week every month, and being told it's disgusting to please yourself when you have no other release.

at least you guys can do something about it while we're stuck bleeding.

edit: and besides, it's not really disgusting if you don't intend on eating the thing afterwards.

Woman... (*exasperated, and depressed pause*) I've been going with out sex for much longer than a week... 
and saying that i have nothing against the fine art of manual pleasure male or female. For some guys it's actualy kind of nessesary unless you want to have to buy new sheets every once in a while.
As for cleaning you out; if it works; I couldn't think a more enjoyable way of doing it. enjoy

Eating it wouldn't be too bad of a thing as long as you washed it and boiled it first.

02-19-2003, 10:15 PM	#2
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	"Like thousands of tiny fingers, urging a woman to let go" was the slogan in the 1970's... Of course we've all seen the advantages list, carved or un: 1. the average cucumber is at least seven inches long 2. cucumbers stay hard for a week 3. a cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count 4. cucumbers don't get too excited 5. a cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety 6. cucumbers are easy to pick up 7. you can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket 8. ... and you know how firm it is before you take it home 9. you only eat cucumbers when you feel like it 10. no matter how you slice it, you can always have your cuke and eat it too 11. cucumbers can get away any weekend 12. with a cucumber you can get a single room 13. ... and you won't have to check in as Mrs. Cucumber 14. a cucumber will always respect you in the morning 15. you can go to movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie 16. at a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat 17. a cucumber can alwsays wait until you get home 18. a cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you out to get Milk Duds 19. a cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival 20. a cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?" 21. cucumbers don't care if you are a virgin 22. cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin 23. cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin 24. with cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once 25. cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall 26. cucumbers don't have sex hangups 27. cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on 28. cucumbers aren't into leathers and chains, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits and nuts 29. you can have as many cucumbers as you can handle 30. cucumbers never need a round of applause 31. cucumbers won't ask: Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times? 32. cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski/tennis instructors 33. a cucumber won't want to join your support group 34. a cucumber never wants to improve your mind 35. cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations 36. cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one 37. a cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator 38. a cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over 39. no matter what age group you are in, you can always get a fresh cucumber 40. cucumbers can handle rejection 41. a cucumber won't pout if you have a headache 42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is 43. a cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet 44. with a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry 45. cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow 46. cucumbers won't give you a hickey 47. cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot 48. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: want to shake hands and be friends say, "I'll call you a cab." tell you he's not the marrying kind tell you he is the marrying kind call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist take you to confesion 49. cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month 50. a cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore 51. cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for him 52. a cucumber a day keeps the ob-gyn away 53. a cucumber won't work your crossword with ink 54. a cucumber isn't allergic to your cat 55. with a cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season 56. cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car 57. a cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors 58. a cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library 59. cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest 60. a cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray 61. cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor 62. cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..."

02-20-2003, 01:45 AM	#3
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Someone I once knew travelled to Japan on business. She returned with a number of souveniers, but the one that got the most laughs was "Mr Happy Cucumber." (which was how the box was marked. We didn't just make this name up). It was a plastic cucumber ... appeared to be like any other of plastic vegetable, unless you knew the trick. A twist and a pull and you found out that the cucumber was merely a sheath ... for a rather conventional dildo. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-24-2003, 11:44 PM	#5
Bitmap Look who thinks he's clever Dan. Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Washington DC Metro Area. Fairfax city Posts: 226	<i>42. a cucumber won't care what time of the month it is </i> <br> <br> I'm sorry thats just disgusting.<l> You women should be ashamed of yourselves.

02-27-2003, 12:25 AM	#9
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Actually, if he keeps ducking, the shot we were aiming at his genitals will hit center-of-mass ... __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

02-24-2003, 09:12 PM	#4
Bitman cellar smellar Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: californy, baby! Posts: 403	If anyone still cares about the original topic ... Most of the instruments are percussion, and the music sounds like fairly standard electronic "experimental" music .. i.e. lots of random sounds, little melody. They claim to be serious musicians, but with instrument names like "radirimbafrigglegiggle", I can't take them seriously. I guess that explains the segue.

02-26-2003, 01:55 PM	#7
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	It's not the most sophisticated algorithm, but it works 95% of the time :-) (and ducking)

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