What is the ethical thing to do?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Don't buy Fords with million dollar water pumps.

[footfootfoot]

When I break something I borrow I fix it or replace it. When I break it. Active voice. When it breaks because it has reached the end of its service life I typically feel responsible for the reasons Grav, Classic, and Sexobon have mentioned and offer to pay for it. That said, I would expect the lender to recognize the difference between failure of a part caused by 4-wheeling while towing a bulldozer with a 2 ton passenger car, and the failure of a seal due to old age, (tangent- WTF? $1000 for a seal? Weren't water pumps, back in the day, a $75 replacement job? I remember many times people saying thank god it was just the water pump. /tangent) acknowledge that and let me off the hook. If I may draw an analogy; if you had asked an elderly friend or neighbor to come over to your house and help catalog your stamp collection and they passed away from just being really fucking old would that put you on the hook for murder or manslaughter? Of course not. Maybe if you forced them somehow to hand dig a new septic tank in 110 degree heat, under the lash, and they died...

The real issue, unfortunately, is that your step daughter-in-law sounds like a super beeee-otch

"So what have you done to our car?"

(seriously, what a cuntish attitude AND plain-old rude and disrespectful. Who talks to people that way?) and your stepson sounds like he's about 14-15 years old and unable to see things in a larger context. When this sort of shit happens to me I try to look at it as tuition for a class on how to avoid future problems with this a'hole again. Although a lot of money up front, it's a small cost in the long run.

I am reminded of that glurgy bit about the little boy who gave his mother a bill for the chores he had done around the house, she paid the bill and gave him one of her own listing all the things the ideal fairy-tale mother does for her son and under the column for charges she put n/c. In this case though I'd be tempted to put down the dollar value of my time, but that would be just as childish as him so, no.

Finally, perhaps what is underlying all of this, even more so than the money, is the disappointment you must feel in your step son and daughter-in-law. It is sad to see family members behaving this way.

[Lamplighter]

...(tangent- WTF? $1000 for a seal? Weren't water pumps, back in the day,
a $75 replacement job? I remember many times people saying thank god
it was just the water pump. /tangent)...

According to Repair Pal, the average cost of this repair is between $772 - $974.
But that may add additional replacements of parts such as timing belt,
thermostat, cooling systems, etc.

Timing belts seem to generate very high replacement costs.

How many times have I've thought the engineers who design a product
should have to use it and to repair it ... all by themselves.

One of my worst experiences was trying to change a flat tire on a travel trailer,
where the (provided) jack would not lift the trailer high enough
to get the wheel out of the wheel-well.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Timing belts seem to generate very high replacement costs.

It's a big job. Engines are crammed in so tightly into the engine compartments, you have to remove the wheel, and wheel well to get to the side of the engine. Sometimes drop the engine down or lift it up to gain the clearances you need, and then take off the valve cover and timing belt cover. Once you take those off, you need to replace the various gaskets and may as well replace the spark plug tubes. May as well replace the spark plugs if you are taking those out. Replace the timing belt and various tension springs and pulleys. And the timing is critical so you have to line up the teeth properly and really be meticulous. And the water pump is attached to the belt, so when you replace the belt you have already done 95% of the water pump job, so you might as well replace the water pump and flush the coolant and replace that. As long as you do that, check the thermostat and maybe replace it. Before you know it, you're at a couple grand.

[chrisinhouston]

This water pump is inside the engine under the front cover and behind the timing chains (no belts on this engine). Stupid design if you ask me.

I just got the call from the stealership, I think the service guy was nervous telling me the cost of the job. $1785 plus tax (about $147). It is 12 hours labor and they do an oil system flush and fluid change because it is possible water may have gotten into the crankcase. When I spoke to my financial adviser to get the funds released he called a friend who has an independent shop for an idea of the job and the guy said he would charge at least $1500. So since it was already at the Ford dealer and that is where my step son takes his Ford cars, even for simple things like oil changes that is where it goes. Oh and I also saw one of those price estimators and it said the same thing so they are way off on the estimate!

I'm still upset at being blamed for this, the service rep told me he has never seen an Edge water pump go out with that few miles. It just sucks that I was the one driving it. I got to wondering how my stepson would have felt if something would have happened to make the car crash, like a wheel just coming off from a part failing and I was seriously injured or even killed. Would he be worrying about who was going to pay for his precious car? Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

Other interesting point is that when my stepson bought the Ford Explorer a few months ago as the replacement for the Edge they offered him only $6000 for it (he always does trade-ins as opposed to selling an old car himself) so he decided to keep it for his 14 year old son who will be learning to drive and also for when he doesn't want to drive his $80,000 2015 red Corvette to work. So my repair will be around 1/3 of the value of the car. I can remember when you could get an entire engine overhaul for not much more then $2500!

[Gravdigr]

Weasels-on-a-woodpecker, man, that's a lot of cake for a water pump.

Good man, Chris.

[Gravdigr]

Take some doublekickass pics of his kids...The offer them to him.

For a price.

[chrisinhouston]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

your step daughter-in-law sounds like a super beeee-otch (seriously, what a cuntish attitude AND plain-old rude and disrespectful. Who talks to people that way?) and your stepson sounds like he's about 14-15 years old and unable to see things in a larger context.

Maybe you saw the thread I started on under Parenting, "Do you swear or curse or cuss around your offspring" and the post on my stepson referring to everyone in conversations as "dude". Same family and both of them swear directly at their kids mostly in anger. Lots of "stupid fucking moron, asshole, bitch," etc. Sometimes it really shocks me the way they curse at them. Thankfully the kids seem to let it all roll by. Sadly I know that as adults and parents they will probably be more likely to do that with their kids or spouse as they grew up with it.

[chrisinhouston]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Take some doublekickass pics of his kids...The offer them to him.

For a price.

Actually I picked up the younger 4 today and took them to see the Paddington movie and lunch at Fudruckers. With the movie, an overpriced theater snack and hamburgers the day ran my around $60 but I enjoyed spending that money on the kiddos. Funny movie, too.

[chrisinhouston]

Just spoke with my wife. She was speechless on the cost of the repair. I told her they have to order the part and the car might be done by Friday. I don't plan on updating my step son or his wife on the car. Let them wonder about it and call me to ask if they have the nerve.

I told my wife she can follow me over on Saturday morning to drop it off. I plan to just leave it in front of their house, the key I used they leave in the glove box as they have a keyless access. So I will just put the key in, lock it and leave the receipt on the seat for him to look at and file away.

[DanaC]

Fuck me, what an expensive car trip that turned out to be :p

Worth reiterating, in terms of who carries the can on a car breakdown - that you hadn't borrowed his car to go do stuff for yourself but to take his grandparent somewhere - his grandparent to whom you are not related.

I'd be really upset. The whole unfair attitude of blame would upset me. You seem to be handling this really well imo.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by chrisinhouston

both of them swear directly at their kids mostly in anger. Lots of "stupid fucking moron, asshole, bitch," etc.

These are bad people. It doesn't matter if they're saying "idiot" or "fucktard" at that point, if they're angrily saying it directly at the kids, then I'm surprised you've put up with them as long as you have. Do what you can for those kids, man. They're going to need your influence.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Take some doublekickass pics of his kids...The offer them to him.

For a price.

this. And honestly, send a bill for pictures you have already taken an given them. One that equals your outlay on his pile-o-junk

I hate country music, but I think this might be appropriate here. have your wife write the bill

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by chrisinhouston

Actually I picked up the younger 4 today and took them to see the Paddington movie and lunch at Fudruckers. With the movie, an overpriced theater snack and hamburgers the day ran my around $60 but I enjoyed spending that money on the kiddos. Funny movie, too.

Originally Posted by chrisinhouston

<snip>
I told my wife she can follow me over on Saturday morning to drop it off. I plan to just leave it in front of their house, the key I used they leave in the glove box as they have a keyless access. So I will just put the key in, lock it and leave the receipt on the seat for him to look at and file away.

@Chris:

These two postings say to me that you're following your best paths.

Keeping the family relations you value and avoiding personal requital,
both leave you in better family leadership position and reputation.
... one that I'm sure you will be proud of in the future...
despite the short term $ issues that may seem important right now.

I think you've done very well.

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by chrisinhouston

... I told my wife she can follow me over on Saturday morning to drop it off. I plan to just leave it in front of their house, the key I used they leave in the glove box as they have a keyless access. So I will just put the key in, lock it and leave the receipt on the seat for him to look at and file away and leave a pair of panties on the back seat like we made out back there.

FIFY