Need advice on a personal situation

[xoxoxoBruce]

He is enrolled in school full time and will be attending law school in the next couple of years.

That sounds expensive. Who's paying for that?

[zippyt]

Quote:
How do I best support my bf?


By learning the laws of your state regarding support and custody, by typing up the answers to the summons and brainstorming. By absolutely not dealing with the ex, let him do that. By helping him keep as calm and cool headed as possible.

EXACTUMUNDO OC !!!!

Case , document EVERY THING !!!!!!! Take the high ground , don't let psyco-ex drag you down into the mud !!!!!

( oh and make an annomouse call to the cops about the illegle activitys and toys )

[Schrodinger's Cat]

Originally Posted by case

One other thing I forgot to mention is that Bf knows for a fact that this family has had and probably still has several illegal weapons and has been party to a number of fraudulent incidents. I know it is low to bring that into it, but maybe we have to fight dirty when dealing with a corrupt system.

These people sound like cult members and if I were your BF, I'd fight them tooth and nail for the sake of those kids with a free and easy conscience.

Illegal weapons? Fraudulent incidents?

Sounds like a pack of criminals to me. Call in an anonymous tip, make a formal complaint if you have enought supporting evidence!

[OnyxCougar]

Originally Posted by case

That's some great advice, OC. Thank you for taking the time to go through all that.

no problem!

The religious organization is not a church, per se. It is just a group of people who get together every other day (it seems) and talk about the bible. That's what I gather from it, anyway. But, the entire religious group they belong to is disappointed in how that family has handled this whole situation. I know the lawyer she has, and if she didn't get him really cheap, she got ripped off. Her dad is known for unloading empty threats. I don't put it past them, however, to try and mess up Bf's life.

If her lawyer is as bad as you say he is, you may come out of this with the kids.

One other thing I forgot to mention is that Bf knows for a fact that this family has had and probably still has several illegal weapons and has been party to a number of fraudulent incidents. I know it is low to bring that into it, but maybe we have to fight dirty when dealing with a corrupt system.

If you can prove it, use it. If you can't, don't.

On the loan idea...yeah, we are trying that, too. Unfortunately, both of us have ridiculously bad credit. We are still trying, though.

I say we fight fight fight, until there is no more fighting to do. Even if we don't win, at least we both know we tried to do right by the children.

At the end of the day, you have to live with yourselves, whatever the outcome. Fight clean.

Bf's unemployment is actually running up soon. He is enrolled in school full time and will be attending law school in the next couple of years. I know they view that as a good reason not to be employed here in Colorado...or at least from what I have seen.

Well yeah, but he still has to show he can afford to support the girls if he gets custody.

Still, the ex has told us several times that she will not be working and be home with the kids (her 2 and her fiancees 3). I can't honestly believe she can actually maintain a job from home with 5 children. That's even more reason they should not be in her care.

I thought she told the court she was moving to Texas to get a job? If you have proof she's said she's not going to work, include it with the answer, to prove she's lying. Doesn't look good for her if she's caught perjuring herself.

So, yes, we understand this is, unfortunately for us and the kids, an uphill battle. Much of her lies can be proven by email (I don't know if that helps).

Absolutely it helps. And the fact she's in some wacked out cult involved in illegal activity helps too. If you can prove it. Send a copy of all her lies with the answer.

Also, he has been paying to the state and they pay her.

Brilliant! Get a statement from the court of all the times hes paid and highlight the one time he paid late AND the make up payments. Include that with the answer with some verbage like, "As you can see from the attached statement of payment obtained from the court, I was late on the ____ payment and made it up on the _______ and _______ payments."

He was going to wave child support from her, if he ended up with them full-time. Would that hurt him in court?

No, if he really wants to waive support, he can, but insist on her paying for visitation BOTH ways, and make it clear he gets to claim them both on tax returns every year.

I have talked with her once on the phone a while back and once I sent her a scathing email telling her what a miserable excuse for a mother she is for using her children the way she does. The email was last summer, I think. Other than that, I don't talk to her. I know I will lose my temper if I do.

Well, don't do that again and hope she doesn't have that email.

The other thing is, we do have email correspondence which includes the hitman statement and confirms that she did hit bf on more than one occasion. We also have emails from her to his mother stating he was never abusive. I wonder if this might help.

Abso-fucking-lutely!! It goes to show she's abusive, he's not, and she's a lying, scheming bitch. Hitmen?? No judge in the world is going to ignore that.

Anyway, I see the writing on the wall...big ugly battle, ahead...get mean lawyer.

Big mean battle for sure, as far as the lawyer, if you study up enough (and he's going to be a lawyer, might as well learn it now) on the laws then he can represent himself, if you can't afford a really good, mean attorney. To be honest, if you can't afford a GOOD, MEAN, AGGRESSIVE attorney, you'd do better to represent yourself. Seriously.

[staceyv]

How long have you been with your boyfriend? How long after he separated with his wife did you start dating him?
It's admirable that you're so supportive and caring about his plight.

[kerosene]

Thank you to everyone who has provided me with such excellent advice. I definitely hear the bad credit loan applications calling me, but I think when it comes down to it in the future we will be glad we took every possible route in this. I feel like it is our responsibility (technically his, but I make it mine, too, since the kids need all the support they can get) to do whatever possible to give them the opportunity for a healthy life. I don't feel they are getting that with her. I don't think they have ever had that with her. Even if we don't win, at least we tried our asses off. I know it could be a bitter feeling if we lose, but it would feel much worse if we gave up and things continued this way for them.

On the cult thing...illegal weapons and fraud are not a part of the religion. They are just things this family has and has done, but won't admit to. They are completely self righteous and never wrong. If something goes wrong they point the finger at someone else. Bf and I are thinking seriously about making a tip to the police, but then, I wonder if we should wait until a time when the kids are with us, so they don't have to be there for whatever happens with the police. Just a little paranoia to add into the mix.

Oh yeah, Stacey, I care for him very much. He would support me just as much if the tables were turned. And he does support me a great deal in other areas. I would say we have been together for 7 or 8 months. I dont know for sure though. We were friends when he and the ex split up.

[LabRat]

A bit off topic, but several people in this and other threads have mentioned 'get a good, mean, tough' lawyer. If one has never previously had any experience with the courts, and neither has any of their close friends/relatives, how do you get a 'good' lawyer? For future referance of course

[Trilby]

I've only neede the services of a lawyer twice in my life (so far!) but I interviewed many before I chose one. I asked about their general philosophy regarding the situation I was in and gave them "for instance" scenarios to see how they'd play. I chose lawyer's who were aggressive and gave me good answers---just like I would choose a doctor. If I were being stalked, threatened, etc., I would want a lawyer who said, "we're going to stop this RIGHT NOW" and do the paperwork right then for a RO and have it served pronto. If I were in pain, I'd want a doc to run tests RIGHT NOW and not RX me pain meds and "wait and see" if it goes away. I guess I just like professionals who DO something rather than put me on the back burner. I've dealt with doctor's who never fix a problem but perpetuate it, masking underlying pathology with meds. I live in a mid-size city (Dayton, OH) but I almost always go to Cincy for treatment because they actually FIX problems in Cincy. Same thing with lawyers--I want it fixed. You could always ask someone on the police force who is a good lawyer...or a law clerk. Ask around, chances are more people than you think have needed a lawyer at one time or another!

[OnyxCougar]

Ask them how many child support/custody cases they've had, specifically representing men, and how many they've won. Find a local fathers support group (there's a link on the thread I started on the parenting forum) and have them help with finding attorneys. Mostly, their demeanor in the office at the consult will tell you everything you need to know. If they aren't ready to get started right away or seem in any way blase' about your case, it's not the kind of attorney that is going to do their best.

If you're going to pay for an attorney, pay him/her to win.

Many times female attorneys are more aggressive.

[staceyv]

We were friends when he and the ex split up.

Did psycho woman think he was cheating on her?

Even if she did, that's still no excuse for the way she's acting...
I really hope you guys win.

[kerosene]

Thanks Stacey. She had been suspicious since they met. She didn't let him go hang out with friends, or do anything at all alone. She simply didn't trust him. She was extremely insecure.

Thanks for the additional info on lawyers. I have been looking around at Fathers rights sites here and there. I will check out the one on your thread, OC.

[kerosene]

Just wanted to let some of you guys know what is going on in our saga, now:

- Found out earlier this week that psycho ex's fiancee is coming out this weekend for an impromptu visit/wedding. They are getting married. According to bf's daughter, they are "getting married in a few days and moving to Texas".

- Met with a lawyer on Tuesday and we like him. His retainer is 2000.00 which, actually, we are able to come up with through some miraculous sudden sources. (Yay!) He is aggressive, sharp, quick, and insists that he be there for mediation.

- Psycho ex never told us she was getting married (not that she would have to). I think she is using it as part of her scheme. I think it will hurt her chances in court.

- Psycho ex told us mediation is in 2 weeks. We have yet to receive the notice. We have a theory that she thinks since bf doesn't have an attorney, he will back down in mediation and give her what she wants. That will not happen, but she doesn't realize that.

- Things are looking better, since we have a lawyer. He is hopeful about it and feels like we have the ability to make this happen without a psych eval or any of that. Since she is marrying this guy now, she really can't stay, unless she divorces the guy and she will not do that.

- All we have to do is keep her from moving the children to Texas.

Thanks for all who gave support and encouragement...let's hope things go okay, now!

[OnyxCougar]

Well good! I hope this attorney works out for you.

Stick it to this bitch and get those kids!!

Keep us updated....

[kerosene]

So, we have a lawyer...he's awesome. He is super sharp and very aggressive. He has come up with ways to get through this victoriously that we hadn't even realized would be feasable. He did hook onto that whole "cult" feeling about her and her family and he is running with that as well as countless emails she has sent to Dakota. He is making it really obvious she is lying in pretty much every word of her motion to relocate. Apparently, her side hasn't even submitted *any* evidence. It doesn't help her that her attorney is a former DA who was ousted due to possession of marijuana. She doesn't know that, and we won't clue her in on it, either.

Anyway, the real test will be with the judge. We'll see how it goes!

Kids seem to be doing okay. We are still getting comments from bf's daughter about what her mother's family says about her dad...we never ask her about it...she just tells us, because she gets confused about it. Bf's son hates when he has to go back to his mom's and throws a fit when we have to take him back. Hopefully the court will figure out what is really going on here.

[LabRat]

I REALLY hope for the best for you...