Tasteless Jokes - Page 22

Cicero · 09-06-2007, 11:02 AM

Q:How do you spot a Jewish pedophile?

A: He's behind a bush asking kids if they would like to buy some candy.

Terrible...I know.

Terminator_484 · 09-06-2007, 09:07 PM

Original Joke:
Маленький мальчик в песочке играл,
Тихо подъехал к нему самосвал.
Не было слышно ни крика, ни стона —
Только сандали торчат из бетона.

Translation to English:
A boy played in the sandbox with no one to mind him,
When quietly a mixing truck pulled up behind him.
He peeped not a peep, cried out nary a cry —
Just his sandals stuck out when the concrete was dry.

Macfadyin · 09-07-2007, 03:55 AM

Pavarotti is standing at the pearly gates.

St Peter opens them and says 'oh it's you Luciano, come on in, squeeze
through'.

Pavarotti says 'hold on, i've got an envelope for you, from the pope.'

St Peter opens it up and reads it.

'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

monster · 09-07-2007, 08:03 AM

Spexxvet · 09-07-2007, 08:07 AM

How is an Italian woman like a hockey goalie? They both wear the same pads for three periods.

sikcboy · 11-01-2007, 02:09 PM

pikey goes to the doctors and asks for the pill for his 11 year old daughter, is she sexualy active?, the doctor asks
no,replied the pikey, she just lies there like her fuckin mother!

Sundae · 11-01-2007, 03:20 PM

Paedo - check
Incest - check
Sexism - check

The perfect tasteless joke
(I laughed)

DanaC · 11-01-2007, 06:35 PM

There's a new car on the market. Great for families. You can fit two kids in the back and one in the boot...it's called the Renault McCann.

lookout123 · 11-01-2007, 06:45 PM

*checks calendar* yep, it's been long enough. that's funny dana.

DanaC · 11-01-2007, 06:47 PM

*Grins* yeah.....I think I've been awfully restrained waiting...

sikcboy · 11-02-2007, 11:12 AM

how do ya make a woman scream twice?
fuck her up the arse then wipe it on the curtains!

sikcboy · 11-02-2007, 11:15 AM

Husband emerged from the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed, when he's wife complained as usual "I have a headache."
"Perfect" says husband, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, its up to you.

I was walking down the road earlier, and there was a blind man at the cash machine he said to me, "excuse me sir, can you please check my balance for me?"
I said to him, "of course I don't mind." And I pushed him over.

DanaC · 11-04-2007, 11:17 AM

lol that second one was very funny

sikcboy · 11-06-2007, 01:39 PM

why are there so many pedophiles in england?

i think it must be all those sexy kids!

Rexmons · 11-06-2007, 02:54 PM

not super dirty but pretty funny i thought:

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

09-06-2007, 11:02 AM	#316
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Q:How do you spot a Jewish pedophile? A: He's behind a bush asking kids if they would like to buy some candy. Terrible...I know. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-07-2007, 08:03 AM	#319
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	__________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-07-2007, 08:07 AM	#320
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	How is an Italian woman like a hockey goalie? They both wear the same pads for three periods. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

11-01-2007, 02:09 PM	#321
sikcboy infectious waste case Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mooon base alpha 5 Posts: 52	pikey goes to the doctors and asks for the pill for his 11 year old daughter, is she sexualy active?, the doctor asks no,replied the pikey, she just lies there like her fuckin mother! __________________ do drugs fck every one up, or is it just that fcked up people take too many drugs?

11-01-2007, 03:20 PM	#322
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Paedo - check Incest - check Sexism - check The perfect tasteless joke (I laughed) __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

09-06-2007, 09:07 PM	#317
Terminator_484 FedCom representative Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: FedCom Posts: 23	Original Joke: Маленький мальчик в песочке играл, Тихо подъехал к нему самосвал. Не было слышно ни крика, ни стона — Только сандали торчат из бетона. Translation to English: A boy played in the sandbox with no one to mind him, When quietly a mixing truck pulled up behind him. He peeped not a peep, cried out nary a cry — Just his sandals stuck out when the concrete was dry.

09-07-2007, 03:55 AM	#318
Macfadyin Rapscallion Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 5	Pavarotti is standing at the pearly gates. St Peter opens them and says 'oh it's you Luciano, come on in, squeeze through'. Pavarotti says 'hold on, i've got an envelope for you, from the pope.' St Peter opens it up and reads it. 'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

11-01-2007, 06:35 PM	#323
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	There's a new car on the market. Great for families. You can fit two kids in the back and one in the boot...it's called the Renault McCann.

11-01-2007, 06:45 PM	#324
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	checks calendar yep, it's been long enough. that's funny dana. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

11-01-2007, 06:47 PM	#325
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Grins yeah.....I think I've been awfully restrained waiting...

11-02-2007, 11:12 AM	#326
sikcboy infectious waste case Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mooon base alpha 5 Posts: 52	how do ya make a woman scream twice? fuck her up the arse then wipe it on the curtains! __________________ do drugs fck every one up, or is it just that fcked up people take too many drugs?

11-02-2007, 11:15 AM	#327
sikcboy infectious waste case Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mooon base alpha 5 Posts: 52	Husband emerged from the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed, when he's wife complained as usual "I have a headache." "Perfect" says husband, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, its up to you. I was walking down the road earlier, and there was a blind man at the cash machine he said to me, "excuse me sir, can you please check my balance for me?" I said to him, "of course I don't mind." And I pushed him over. __________________ do drugs fck every one up, or is it just that fcked up people take too many drugs?

11-04-2007, 11:17 AM	#328
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	lol that second one was very funny

11-06-2007, 01:39 PM	#329
sikcboy infectious waste case Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: mooon base alpha 5 Posts: 52	why are there so many pedophiles in england? i think it must be all those sexy kids! __________________ do drugs fck every one up, or is it just that fcked up people take too many drugs?

11-06-2007, 02:54 PM	#330
Rexmons - Kavkaz United - Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 613	not super dirty but pretty funny i thought: Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit." A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your son, Chad P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home! __________________ "Life's a bitch but God forbid the bitch divorce me..."

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