10-11-2010, 11:17 PM | #3706 |
Back in 10
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Posts: 3,684
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A mom was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!'
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
10-13-2010, 09:03 PM | #3707 |
Beware of potatoes
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate NY, USA
Posts: 2,078
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•"Obama has a considerable ego." --New Yorker columnist David Remnick
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"I believe that being despised by the despicable is as good as being admired by the admirable." |
10-14-2010, 03:00 AM | #3708 |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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.
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
10-14-2010, 03:03 AM | #3709 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
10-14-2010, 03:25 PM | #3710 |
Master Dwellar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
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This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run.
Blasphunny:
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Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you. |
10-15-2010, 12:40 AM | #3711 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember That you're an asshole!" Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?" Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature And mine, same number at the top. Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this Ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir." "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, Sir? "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?" "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
10-15-2010, 07:14 PM | #3712 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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He said She said ,,,,,,,,
He said to me ..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. I said to him ..... You wear underwear don't you? He said to me ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said.... That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart. He said to me.... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay? I said to him ..... They don't have time. He said to me..... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him ..... I don't know; it has never happened. He said to me..... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking? I said to him ..... They already have boyfriends. He said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said..... A widow. He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him ..... Single women come home, check the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
10-18-2010, 09:51 PM | #3713 |
I'm still a jerk
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
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10-18-2010, 10:49 PM | #3714 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Nice to see you again, tora.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
10-18-2010, 11:09 PM | #3715 | |
I'm still a jerk
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
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Quote:
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"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering. |
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10-19-2010, 10:36 AM | #3716 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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,
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
10-19-2010, 11:10 AM | #3717 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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ha!
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
10-19-2010, 07:34 PM | #3719 |
a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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oh shit.... im crying....
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10-19-2010, 11:05 PM | #3720 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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yah, that was the one that made me post it.....
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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