What's upsetting you today?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Brianna

snip... I deserve this treatment as I haven't been the driven snow all my life, now, have I?

"All your life" has zero to do with the here and now. If you stop beating yourself up, you can demand others stop too. Self pity doesn't attract pity, it attracts contempt and disrespect... and read my sig line.

[BigV]

the dog

[DanaC]

Bri, that totally sucks. If you'll forgive me, I think your ex sounds like he deserves a cockney cock punch.

Don't let his view of you impact on your view of you. One of the delightful things about divorce is it ends your obligation to give a flying fuck what he does or doesn't respect, or understand about you. Yes, it's upsetting that anybody would think that of you. And it's a kick in the face, to be cut out of decisions about your child. You don't deserve that. He IS treating you unfairly. And he probably isn't helping your son's attitude towards you into the bargain. That's unfair and wrong imo. But what he thinks of you? The fact that he holds that view of you? Well, what the fuck you gonna do. It's his head, he's entitled to fill it with as much errant nonsense as he chooses. But you don't have to believe his nonsense. And you don't have to respect it. Cope with, deal with, the effect that view has in practical terms (as in this case with the trip to casualty), but discount it utterly in emotional terms. It's his bullshit. Not yours.

[Chocolatl]

Update:

Headache went away after a drink of water and a good night's sleep. I was just under a lot of stress and had had an absolutely horrible day with the students that day. Happy to report I'm not dead.

[DanaC]

Well, bloody hell. Thank God for that, Choco.

[Trilby]

thanks, ya'll. You guys save me.

Monnie, I couldn't just take him to the ED as I don't have full and legal custody of him - you WILL notice that I was the one called at 11.00, I am the one who allows his friends to sleep over every bloody weekend (it seems that way), I am the one who does this and that, but T. is the LEGAL (cough/controlfreak/cough) guardian. If I had DARED to take Danny to the ED on my own, or NOT taken Danny to the ED on my own, there would've been high hell to pay. T. wants me to grovel and act all helpless and stupid and girly so he can sit back like some demi-god and do no actual work of raising the boy but make all the Big Decisions. Plus, he holds the primary insurance on Dan. (I have insurance on him, too, but it's only secondary and shitty) - he would have gone apeshit on a bill he hadn't authorized.

he's a dick. thanks for reminding me. He used to be a nice person.

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by Brianna

thanks. I guess it's typical 17 year-old stuff; but it's ALSO the way I've let him treat me all these guilty years...


my fault, of course.

One reason I never wanted kids - I didn't want the payback for all the hell I put my parents through. I was a wild child.

[Undertoad]

How old is the boy? Can he make the decision?

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by BigV

Who here has behaved in a way that makes them ineligible for basic human respect?!

No one.

If your child behaved badly would you lose your respect for them? Would you counsel them to not expect to be respected? To shun it? To reject it?

Do not model such behavior for them. Show them how to deserve respect. Even if it means showing them how to earn it after it has been lost.

eta:
I sound like a preachy m*therf*cker. I don't mean to be preachy or self righteous. I'm not. I just know that kids, even seventeen year old kids, need limits. Limits are crucial for a kid's well being and proper development. The world, (of which they have had limited experience) is a largely unknown place, and many of the places where they *think* they know, they're misled. From the playground talk to marketing poison, they're surrounded with misinformation. And at seventeen, they can do an impeccable job of appearing to know what the f*ck is going on. Don't be misled. They might be partly right, by talent or accident. But they don't have it all nailed. And treating their parents like shit is part of the wrongheadedness, for whatever reason. They want to know the right way. Even if they protest otherwise.

--zippin my lip.

Everything you have said is true. However, the father is also an example, and it sounds to me like the way he treats Brianna is also affecting the respect margin the kid gives her. He needs to be bitchslapped. (the father, not the kid)

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

Update:

Headache went away after a drink of water and a good night's sleep. I was just under a lot of stress and had had an absolutely horrible day with the students that day. Happy to report I'm not dead.

Glad to hear it Chocolat. Just keep an eye out for any unusual pain in the neck and back.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

How old is the boy? Can he make the decision?

Good question, Toad.


He's seventeen....I don't know if that is old enough in Ohio to have medical treatment without parental consent...used to be you had to be 18 but things might have changed.

[zippyt]

He needs to be bitchslapped. (the father, not the kid)

Both of them need a Good Whack upside the head!!

Stay strong Bri , rember who is the adult with yer kid , with the ex , if he is primary then he needs to act like it , son calls you , you call ex to deal with it .

[monster]

What an asshole, Brianna (your ex). Next time tell your son to call the asshole directly. It IS time to get tough. You're worth so much more than that.

[Trilby]

son and I got into it Sunday night.

Me: "Danny, we need to talk. Can we talk like two mature people with a difference that needs to be worked out?"

He (suspiciously): "Yeah..."

me: "You heard me say I didn't want anyone to spend the night last night and yet you managed to have ------ spend the night, again; AND I told you ------- needed to be gone by six o'clock tonight and ------ didn't leave until 8.30 and I need my house to myself by six pm so I can get into my jammies and RELAX, this is a SMALL house and I can't FEED the neighborhood blah blah blah"

Him: "I never HEARD you say you didn't want anyone sleeping over!!!! I NEVER HEARD that! That's YOUR fault! And you're trying to make me feel like shit for cracking my head open WELL you're the nurse and I just THOUGHT I should call a NURSE after my HEAD was BLEEDING like I was going to DIE! I just won't call you anymore! I"ll just go LIVE WITH MY DAD FROM NOW ON and i'm sorry I'm not PERFECT, you act like I don't do Anything around here but I work constantly around here like your slave I really thought I was going to NEVER be able to play guitar again because I'd cracked my HEAD open but I guess you dont CARE about that...BLAH BLAH BLAH....HITLER~!"

Me: "I see we can't talk about this..."

Him: "You owe me twenty dollars!"

sigh.

sometimes he gives me a stomachache.

[Aliantha]

Sounds like the sort of conversation going on between parents and teenagers all over the world. lol

I guess that's what I've got to look forward to.