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#391 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Warning-crude language!
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 04-07-2007 at 05:58 PM. |
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#392 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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![]() ![]() "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
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#393 |
Lecturer
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: CT USA
Posts: 826
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It's no wonder why some kids have a problem with Santa...I mean, would you sit your kid on this guy's lap?
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"To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them." ~George Mason~ |
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#394 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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There are quite a few scary, drunken santas in that series.This one is my favorite.
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![]() ![]() "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
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#395 |
LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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how many mice does it take to screw in a lite bulb ????
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
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#397 |
NSABFD
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
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I have a post in a help forum about error in device manager for my optical drives. Someone posted to use cd & do a repair
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I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. |
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#398 |
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,338
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What religion is YOUR bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. What type of bra?" asked the clerk. Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type? Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from. Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer? Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills. ***************** Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! (A} Almost Boobs... {B} Barely there. {C} Can't Complain! {D} Dang! {DD} Double dang! {E} Enormous! {F} Fake. {G} Get a Reduction. {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up! Brian
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Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous |
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#399 |
When Do I Get Virtual Unreality?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Raytown, Missouri
Posts: 12,719
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Then there's this Santa/kids photo , which looks as though Santa may have just unloaded a bunch of cookies and milk into his jolly red pants...
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"To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog |
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#400 |
halve your cake and eat it too.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas
Posts: 1,359
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I don't recall if I posted this here before.. but oh my gawd.. the first, second and third time I read these recipe cards I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself.. well I may have! but you'll never know! the captions are....are..are.. hee hee hee hee hee
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
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no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire. Last edited by cowhead; 01-16-2005 at 09:24 PM. Reason: sumwon slaap mi I owt to no how to spel bi now |
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#401 |
Lecturer
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: CT USA
Posts: 826
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Cows, The Constitution, and the Ten Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 200 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore. TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!
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"To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them." ~George Mason~ |
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#402 |
Come on, cat.
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area
Posts: 7,013
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Bear Activity
BEWARE
The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone area. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
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Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good. |
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#403 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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LOL - jinx, i read that a couple of weeks ago and it cracked me up then too.
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Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#404 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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• ANSWER: Carnac The Magnificent/
QUESTION: Who won't be coming down for breakfast anymore? • ANSWER: Gatorade. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? • ANSWER: Bible belt. QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? • ANSWER: Milk and honey. QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? • ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. • ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall. QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong. • ANSWER: Ben Gay. QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? • ANSWER: An unmarried woman. QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952? • ANSWER: Disjoint. QUESTION: What was dat hippie smoking? • ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman. QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? • ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. • ANSWER: Until he gets caught. QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? • ANSWER: Old wives tale. QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest? • ANSWER: Rub-a-dub-dub. QUESTION: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? • ANSWER: Shareholder. QUESTION: What did Sonny Bono used to be? • ANSWER: Skalliwags. QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy? • ANSWER: David Frost. QUESTION: On a cold morning what forms on your david? • ANSWER: Head and shoulders. QUESTION: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car? • ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock. QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory? • ANSWER: "Rose Bowl." QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley? • ANSWER: That darn cat. QUESTION: Who ruined that darn rug? • ANSWER: High rollers. QUESTION: Describe a stoned bowling team. • ANSWER: Gunga din. QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? • ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road." QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office? • ANSWER: At both ends. QUESTION: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? • ANSWER: Igloo. QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? • ANSWER: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. QUESTION: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? • ANSWER: Grape Nuts. QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? • ANSWER: Supervisor. QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes? • ANSWER: Crabgrass. QUESTION: What do crabs get high on? • ANSWER: Shake-N-Bake. QUESTION: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno. • ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? • ANSWER: Flypaper. QUESTION: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? • ANSWER: Deep freeze. QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film. • ANSWER: Bedbug. QUESTION: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? ![]()
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#405 |
When Do I Get Virtual Unreality?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Raytown, Missouri
Posts: 12,719
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I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I'll do both.
Thanks for those, Bruce.
__________________
"To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog |
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