Funny/Embarrassing things they say - Page 3

Ether42 · 01-14-2006, 04:45 PM

Oh were to start
My daughter told a random woman at the laundromat
that she saw my wife and I having "Relations"
See my daughter is not in anyway shy she will talk to any one
I often let her until the person seems annoyed
so she walks up to this lady and they start talking
then out of nowhere I hear her say
"I saw mom and dad naked"
"Oh yeah " responds the smirking woman
"Yeah" says my daughter "They were hugging and kissing it was nice"
Ok so at this point I'm thinking yeah it was nice
the other side of my brain (That being the part not located in my penis)
says how am i going to diffuse this
so I rush over trying to say "would you like to fold some laundry honey"
anything to get her away from this lady as by now I'm very embaressed
much to my dismay she says "I like to kiss naked it makes me happy"
great so now i look like a pedophile
I try a "Hey your DORA underware need to be put in the basket "
ofcourse "I don't want underwear dad SHE" pointing at this poor poor woman
"doesn't wear underwear dad"
it was all i could do to not laugh my ass off
then as if she knew when to save dad and baby (which is usally how it works with moms) mom walks in to pick us and the laundry
young one runs to see mommy
dad gives embarassed smile to the very kind lady
and walks away back to his folding of the laundry
and wondering if there is a better way to get the skid marks out of his shorts

footfootfoot · 01-14-2006, 06:52 PM

Almost busted tonight.

A few weeks ago I was mentioning to my neighbor that SWMBO and I have a difference of opinion about the privet hedge that I planted unwittingly a couple of years ago. I had ordered something else and got these which were mislabelled.

I hate this hedge and intend to plant bush cherries there next spring.

SWMBO is not down with any part of this plan. In front of the inchling I told my friend that I would just swap the bush cherries for the privets when SWMBO was away for the weekend or something. If she noticed, I'd just tell her that I had pruned the privets and that's why they looked like two year whips.

Tonight at dinner inch3 says:
"We should dig the pribbits. In the springtime."

Blank look from me.

Mom: "Yeah, and maybe we can go in a boat in the springtime."

I know eventually she'll come around to the bush cherries, I just don't want to wait until that happens to plant them, they take a few years to bear.

York · 01-16-2006, 09:12 AM

this topic is great....laughed and imagined those things happening in a coupple years... :p

footfootfoot · 01-17-2006, 09:37 PM

Inexplicably, and apropos of nothing I could perceive,

Inch3: "I don't need a bandaid, I'm going on a picnic"

Queen of the Ryche · 01-26-2006, 07:47 PM

daddy went for a root canal -I told princess of the ryche that daddy's tooth had an owie - of course the response was "daddy's tooth needs a band aid"

princess has had a hard time getting up in the a.m. lately - crying - this morning - "momma - I don't want to cry anymore."
she also asks for Oingo Boingo, Chili Peppers, Green Day, and My-sturbed (Disturbed) in the truck on the way to day care in the mornings. (She's two.)

seakdivers · 01-26-2006, 07:57 PM

Oingo Boingo?? I thought I was the only one out there that still loves Oingo Boingo!! Danny Elfman is awesome!
I think that's one of the many reasons I love The Nightmare Before Christmas. Whenever Jack is singing, it's actually Danny.

Queen of the Ryche · 01-28-2006, 08:07 AM

Any Tim Burton movie graces us with the musical gifts of Danny Elfman. Genius.

Aliantha · 01-29-2006, 07:45 PM

My b/f has only had a licence to drive for a couple of years, and he and I met and started dating quite soon after he got a car. He doesn't particularly like driving, so I do most of it because I do enjoy driving. Because of b/f's inexperience, there were a couple of times when things happened and the kids would notice, and ask me questions later. In my mind I had just said something like, D hasn't had his licence for long so he's not as good at driving as I am.

Unfortunately it must have sounded otherwise to the kids because as we were pulling out of the driveway one day, b/f stalled the car. My oldest child piped up from the back seat, "It's ok D, we know you're not a good driver, but you'll get better".

footfootfoot · 01-29-2006, 08:23 PM

Haha!

SteveDallas · 06-14-2006, 10:15 PM

In our particular school district, the elementary schools go up to 5th grade. At our school a group of the parents put together a yearbook for the exiting 5th graders. There are several sections where they asked all the kids to list their favorite memories of school, etc. Under their "main" picture in their homeroom, they were asked to complete "In 20 years I will be . . . "

Some sample responses:

"I think, I will be a pro hockey player."

"a musician living in Philadelphia."

"a cancer doctor."

"a flight attendant."

"a teacher."

"living in a mansion in California and playing field hockey."

My daughter's answer?

"30 years old."

Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? (She claims she didn't understand what they were doing & thought it was a math question or something, but I still think it's a great answer.)

footfootfoot · 06-14-2006, 11:21 PM

She's probably the only one who is right!

wolf · 06-14-2006, 11:30 PM

Strange things happen ... I did my 9th grade career report on being a Psychiatrist. I went on to college, ended up with a BA degree in Geography and Planning, and worked for 10 years as a computer jockey.

Today, I am probably the one who hit closest to the mark.

06-15-2006, 12:27 AM

I know I have dozens... I think I've blocked them out.

footfootfoot · 06-18-2006, 08:49 PM

The inchling an I were watching video clips of surfers and jugglers the other day. He is in potty training mode and is pretty much diaper free except at night. During the day, he often runs around freestyle or commando to buy him those extra few seconds to get to the potty. (It's all about him succededing say the experts) .

Anyway, he's lounging around freestyle this day and I glance over at him to see if he's duly impressed with the video and I notice he's got his 'special purpose' in hand and he's wrestling with it. I usually ignore this if it isn't happening in the middle of a public place, so I turn back to the video. A
moment later he looks over at me and says: "Jenny (his babysitter) is my friend."

"Uh huh." I say and go back to the video.

He's completely disingenuous.

BigV · 06-20-2006, 04:32 PM

"But I don't know where the hospital is." says SonofV.

Perplexed at the connection between this statement and the previous thread of the conversation about french fries (should we order some more), I barely managed a "Why do you need a hospital?"

"Because that's where the baby will be born."

Ding!

The earlier conversation had resumed. An hour earlier, he started with "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a hippie."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"Because they're nice people, they don't smoke, and I'm going to marry a girl with long hair."

"Do you know any hippies? What makes you think they're nice people?"

"Well, I saw some on tv."

"Ahh. Well, they are nice people, but some of them do smoke." I went off on a little tangent about smoking marajuana, which was news to him. I had my teachable moment, I planted a seed and I didn't pound it into the ground. An hour later at the restaurant, he worries out loud about the hospital. I told him if he can handle growing up, becoming a hippie and getting married to a girl with long hair, he won't have any trouble finding the hospital.

01-14-2006, 04:45 PM	#31
Ether42 Questionist Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: near chicago Posts: 8	Oh were to start My daughter told a random woman at the laundromat that she saw my wife and I having "Relations" See my daughter is not in anyway shy she will talk to any one I often let her until the person seems annoyed so she walks up to this lady and they start talking then out of nowhere I hear her say "I saw mom and dad naked" "Oh yeah " responds the smirking woman "Yeah" says my daughter "They were hugging and kissing it was nice" Ok so at this point I'm thinking yeah it was nice the other side of my brain (That being the part not located in my penis) says how am i going to diffuse this so I rush over trying to say "would you like to fold some laundry honey" anything to get her away from this lady as by now I'm very embaressed much to my dismay she says "I like to kiss naked it makes me happy" great so now i look like a pedophile I try a "Hey your DORA underware need to be put in the basket " ofcourse "I don't want underwear dad SHE" pointing at this poor poor woman "doesn't wear underwear dad" it was all i could do to not laugh my ass off then as if she knew when to save dad and baby (which is usally how it works with moms) mom walks in to pick us and the laundry young one runs to see mommy dad gives embarassed smile to the very kind lady and walks away back to his folding of the laundry and wondering if there is a better way to get the skid marks out of his shorts __________________ You,ve got to tolerate all thouse people that you hate, I'm not in love with you but i won't hold that against you..................... oh and please don't kill me over my grammer it isn't that english isn't my first dialect it is that I'm dumb

01-14-2006, 06:52 PM	#32
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Almost busted tonight. A few weeks ago I was mentioning to my neighbor that SWMBO and I have a difference of opinion about the privet hedge that I planted unwittingly a couple of years ago. I had ordered something else and got these which were mislabelled. I hate this hedge and intend to plant bush cherries there next spring. SWMBO is not down with any part of this plan. In front of the inchling I told my friend that I would just swap the bush cherries for the privets when SWMBO was away for the weekend or something. If she noticed, I'd just tell her that I had pruned the privets and that's why they looked like two year whips. Tonight at dinner inch3 says: "We should dig the pribbits. In the springtime." Blank look from me. Mom: "Yeah, and maybe we can go in a boat in the springtime." I know eventually she'll come around to the bush cherries, I just don't want to wait until that happens to plant them, they take a few years to bear. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

01-17-2006, 09:37 PM	#34
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Inexplicably, and apropos of nothing I could perceive, Inch3: "I don't need a bandaid, I'm going on a picnic" __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

01-26-2006, 07:47 PM	#35
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	daddy went for a root canal -I told princess of the ryche that daddy's tooth had an owie - of course the response was "daddy's tooth needs a band aid" princess has had a hard time getting up in the a.m. lately - crying - this morning - "momma - I don't want to cry anymore." she also asks for Oingo Boingo, Chili Peppers, Green Day, and My-sturbed (Disturbed) in the truck on the way to day care in the mornings. (She's two.) __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

01-28-2006, 08:07 AM	#37
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	Any Tim Burton movie graces us with the musical gifts of Danny Elfman. Genius. __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

01-16-2006, 09:12 AM	#33
York Operations Operative Join Date: May 2004 Location: Tienen , Belgium Posts: 537	this topic is great....laughed and imagined those things happening in a coupple years... :p

01-26-2006, 07:57 PM	#36
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	Oingo Boingo?? I thought I was the only one out there that still loves Oingo Boingo!! Danny Elfman is awesome! I think that's one of the many reasons I love The Nightmare Before Christmas. Whenever Jack is singing, it's actually Danny.

01-29-2006, 07:45 PM	#38
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	My b/f has only had a licence to drive for a couple of years, and he and I met and started dating quite soon after he got a car. He doesn't particularly like driving, so I do most of it because I do enjoy driving. Because of b/f's inexperience, there were a couple of times when things happened and the kids would notice, and ask me questions later. In my mind I had just said something like, D hasn't had his licence for long so he's not as good at driving as I am. Unfortunately it must have sounded otherwise to the kids because as we were pulling out of the driveway one day, b/f stalled the car. My oldest child piped up from the back seat, "It's ok D, we know you're not a good driver, but you'll get better". __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

01-29-2006, 08:23 PM	#39
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Haha! __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-14-2006, 10:15 PM	#40
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	In our particular school district, the elementary schools go up to 5th grade. At our school a group of the parents put together a yearbook for the exiting 5th graders. There are several sections where they asked all the kids to list their favorite memories of school, etc. Under their "main" picture in their homeroom, they were asked to complete "In 20 years I will be . . . " Some sample responses: "I think, I will be a pro hockey player." "a musician living in Philadelphia." "a cancer doctor." "a flight attendant." "a teacher." "living in a mansion in California and playing field hockey." My daughter's answer? "30 years old." Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? (She claims she didn't understand what they were doing & thought it was a math question or something, but I still think it's a great answer.)

06-14-2006, 11:21 PM	#41
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	She's probably the only one who is right! __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-14-2006, 11:30 PM	#42
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Strange things happen ... I did my 9th grade career report on being a Psychiatrist. I went on to college, ended up with a BA degree in Geography and Planning, and worked for 10 years as a computer jockey. Today, I am probably the one who hit closest to the mark. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-15-2006, 12:27 AM	#43
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	I know I have dozens... I think I've blocked them out.

06-18-2006, 08:49 PM	#44
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	The inchling an I were watching video clips of surfers and jugglers the other day. He is in potty training mode and is pretty much diaper free except at night. During the day, he often runs around freestyle or commando to buy him those extra few seconds to get to the potty. (It's all about him succededing say the experts) . Anyway, he's lounging around freestyle this day and I glance over at him to see if he's duly impressed with the video and I notice he's got his 'special purpose' in hand and he's wrestling with it. I usually ignore this if it isn't happening in the middle of a public place, so I turn back to the video. A moment later he looks over at me and says: "Jenny (his babysitter) is my friend." "Uh huh." I say and go back to the video. He's completely disingenuous. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-20-2006, 04:32 PM	#45
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	"But I don't know where the hospital is." says SonofV. Perplexed at the connection between this statement and the previous thread of the conversation about french fries (should we order some more), I barely managed a "Why do you need a hospital?" "Because that's where the baby will be born." Ding! The earlier conversation had resumed. An hour earlier, he started with "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a hippie." "Oh, really? Why?" "Because they're nice people, they don't smoke, and I'm going to marry a girl with long hair." "Do you know any hippies? What makes you think they're nice people?" "Well, I saw some on tv." "Ahh. Well, they are nice people, but some of them do smoke." I went off on a little tangent about smoking marajuana, which was news to him. I had my teachable moment, I planted a seed and I didn't pound it into the ground. An hour later at the restaurant, he worries out loud about the hospital. I told him if he can handle growing up, becoming a hippie and getting married to a girl with long hair, he won't have any trouble finding the hospital. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)